A year ago today my Mormon son beat me up when I told him I was leaving his mother and having my name removed from the records of the church.

Since then, I have been supporting him financially, as well as his sister, who's married to a TBM RM.

My daughter didn't wish me a happy father's day (neither did my son), a happy birthday (my son called me and wished me a happy birthday, and had called me a few days before to make sure he was getting 'his money'0, who didn't acknowledge my wedding, and who told me bluntly a few months ago 'You're only good for your money', literally - my daughter did. Via email.

So, trying to take the high road I sent her $1000 for a graduation present that we had gotten as a wedding present, for crying out loud, a wedding that she never acknowledged. I've heard from her exactly twice, once to thank me for the money, once to tell me that I'm selfish. My son wants me to support him to the extent of $250 a month for an unknown period of time, despite the fact that I'm on disability.

Today, I wrote to him and told him that all support will cease.

When I look back at this whole absurd situation, I think that I've bent over backwards to try to have a relationship with them, and I'm tired and fed up.

I'm through with it. Fed up, tired of both the blatant attempt to extort money from me (from my disability check), tired of the manipulation.

This is what 'the gospel' leads people to do. It's not enough that I gave them life, raised them, sacrificed for them, supported them.

My sin? To come to my senses finally about TSCC and to leave their b**ch of a mother after 27 years of a failed marriage. Oh yeah - to have my name removed, and to re-marry. Forgot those.

I can do without children like this.

You are learning. You are learning the hard way, but you are learning.

What you tolerate, you encourage.

If your children are adults, and your sole income is a disability check, you do not need to be giving them any money. I wouldn't be unkind about it, just tell them that you no longer have the means to share your money. Your daughter is a married woman -- let her and her husband figure out how to support themselves. Save whatever money you can for a rainy day.

As long as you don't speak ill of your ex-wife, there is no reason for them to continue to punish you for the divorce. I would not tolerate any disrespect or verbal abuse from them. As soon as they do that, tell them that you need to go. They will need to decide if they want to have a mature relationship with you.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this.

I don't think this is a church issue as much as children raised poorly. Probably they learned this shut from their mother. Was you ex like this too?

My ex was like this. Manuipulate through guilt. Not surprising they learned that. I lived like a victim in that marriage, and I know that I'm paying the price now.

Like my wife tells me, 'You're reaping what you sowed'.

Bittersweet

So sorry. My husband went through something very similar. A few years ago, we found out that his ex wife's son, whom my husband had always treated as his own son, was basically using him for the $850 a month he was getting in "child support" (at age 21). When we found out what he was up to, my husband cut off his money. He doesn't talk to my husband anymore. Frankly, I say "good riddance".

When my husband expressed guilt about cutting off his adult kids, I told him that he wouldn't be doing them favors by trying to buy their love. All he would be doing is throwing money down a bottomless pit and teaching them that they are entitled and "owed" simply for being children of divorce. They have no respect for him and had been treating him like an ATM for years. And I don't think we do kids favors when we allow them to get used to relationships that are purely transactional.

We don't talk to his kids at all anymore. It's their choice and their loss. They are manipulative, extremely alienated, and entitled. It's very sad.

Let your kids take care of themselves. Don't enable their shitty behavior. And yes, as others have suggested, team up with your wife. Take care of each other and your marriage, or you'll end up divorced again.

Thank you all for helping.

Now, I'm furious at my children, who have abused me, taken advantage of me, bullied me, victimized me.

NEVER AGAIN.
NEVER AGAIN.
NEVER AGAIN.

I won't be a victim of them or of any other Mormon cult member again. NEVER.

I may have made mistakes in raising them, but they are responsible for their behavior now, and I cannot tolerate this type of behavior any more.

I will not pursue a relationship with these kinds of people again. Period.

That's the spirit! Cut 'em loose until (and if) they "treat you right."

I don't know where this idea came from that parents should support kids once they leave home unless it's school.

We were told from young that once we were adults we were on our own. It put us in a self-sufficient mindset. I thank my parents for doing that.

I really feel for you that you kids are obviously "users" who bite the hand that feeds them. That has to hurt on a very deep level.

They may be blood relatives, but I'm not so sure they deserve to be called your children.

Thats a horrid situation for a family to be in.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

It's nice to hear some sanity.

This seriously helps.

You can't buy love. Now you know.

You can buy ungrateful mooches. Now you know.

The only hope your offspring will ever become children is by cutting them off as you have done.

Your wife should have had the $1000 dollar wedding present. The giver would be horrified to know what you did with it. I am so glad you have come to your senses.

No adult child should be asking for any amount of monthly stipend from you period. That is disgusting and makes your son a parasite.

I have very strong feelings about this. Classic case of people, your children, "taking your kindness as weakness" as the old saying goes.

Your new wife is your new family now. The only one that counts. You have to make her number one now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/13/2015 11:48AM by blueorchid.

Hell...........I'll be one of your kids !! Send me $1,000 & I'll kiss your ass ! :0) ;)

WTF? Why are you supporting these adults financially AT ALL?

These are adults treating their father like that? Disgusting. They learned this behavior from their mother. Unfortunately, some mothers have a great need to turn their children against their father if they don't do what they want.
Tell them the gravy train has ended.
Take care of yourselves!
Just a bday or Xmas card is sufficient. No more $$.
Let them wine and cuss you out where you don't have to listen to it!

Your kids are guilting you into giving you money. You probably have thought that if you give them money, they will be kind to you. I have been in relationships like this. Some people prey on generous people. It is your money. Tell them the bank is closed. Hopefully they will realize their mistakes.

take care of yourself and let them learn some gratitude and respect for the person who supported them and raised them instead of for the blanking cult

you are not taking the high road by allowing them to treat you like dirt.

"So, trying to take the high road I sent her $1000 for a graduation present that we had gotten as a wedding present"

Your new wife is still with you after you decided that you had the right to decide what to do with a $1000 wedding gift?

How much baggage have you dragged with you into your new marriage?

If you are not careful this new marriage will not succeed. You might think about getting some counseling.

notamormon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Your new wife is still with you after you decided
> that you had the right to decide what to do with a
> $1000 wedding gift?

Yeah, no kidding. I'd have said, "Not with my half, you don't!"

Sending Greetings from CA.

It would not matter whether your kids are Mormon or not.
They are ingrates. Good for you for cutting them off.

RMM

I think your giving them money allowed them to not have to think about the relationship with you. Now they will have to, at some point in time, make a decision about that relationship. They may never approach you, but if they do some day, I hope you will welcome them back with love and open arms (no mo money tho).

Good for you. They do not deserve a father as good as you.

Tell you what, let your son know you are going to make donations to something like the EXMormon Foundation in honour of the memory of the boy he once was, not the failure of a male that he has become.

Why are you supporting these ungrateful BRATS? Tell them you are done with that. They don't respect you or treat you like their father so FUCK THEM!

Don't give either one of them another dime. Tell them to go out and get jobs like everyone else does and if they are not trained to do anything but take money from others, I guess they can panhandle. Whatever! It is no longer your problem.

Why don't you and your new spouse take a cruise or a nice trip on the money you would have given these ungrateful assholes?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2015 06:39PM by verilyverily.

"Beating up" a disabled person, let alone anyone, is of an especially reprehensible character.

Please protect yourself by only agreeing to meet in public, if at all. Now that you've turned off the money spigot, expect more of the same behavior, never, never, never, relying on hope that he -they- have miraculously changed.

I am so sorry. My dad committed suicide 5 years ago. I would give anything to hear his voice one more time or have one more hug. Reading this breaks my heart, because I don't understand how anyone can treat their own father that way, when I miss mine every single day. Good for you for cutting them off! Enjoy your new life with your wife and put the past behind you. Even if they weren't TBM, it sounds like they are selfish and you deserve to be happy, even if it means staying out of their lives completely. Some day, some way, they will realize that they are wrong. When that day comes it is up to you where to go from there. Best wishes to you and your wife!

Frodo!
Congratulations on earning your BA in Parenting 101...

When it comes to grown children, I have 6 of them.
**Once they paid their own way, our relationships became authentic.
Only 1 doesn't talk to us much...not bad!

Let them go...if they come back for love & laughs, you have something real with them.
If they only call when they need money, there's your answer. Don't fall for the loan story either.
YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION

I'm glad I read your entire post. I was about to say, "And you're giving them money, why?"

Whatever you do, don't back down to those ingrates. No one deserves to be treated like that. They'll treat you how you let them.

So I cut off my son financially, and he calls and leaves me a voice message on my phone:



"Hello dad, this is <name> calling. I got your email after a while I didn’t read it before the 13th or on it just because I don’t do a very good job at, um, reading my emails. Uh, I’m just calling because I was going to write an email response but I feel like my voice would be able to convey beter what I’m gonna say. Um, I’m disappointed in you, dad, not that I didn’t expect it, I mean I expected that you weren’t gonna pitch in with continuing on helping, um, but really it was more along the lines of was like I felt this was the minimum least you could do sort of, um, I don’t know, it’s not just kind of disappointing dad, especially in the way you handled it. I mean, you could have called. And to be honest, I don’t want you to call back, I don’t want you to in my life any more, I’m tired of this. I’m tired of dealing with someone who thinks he’s sane when he’s not and what it does to me and to muy sister and to mom, and I want you to just leave us all alone unless it’s to call for an apology and to make more of a concerted effort on your part. Have a good night. I love you."


So he thinks I'm 'obviously insane', I'm on disability, but I should continue to support him.

And I owe him an apology.

How can I have raised a child to be this way?