Posted by:
Anonymous Whiner
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Date: October 09, 2015 06:00AM
I was in an earthquake that killed 60 people. Horrible for them, but I was with my mother and grandmother, and I could be a hero and take care of some people. We were all in it together. Afterwards, my father came thousands of miles to rescue us, and I made the front page of our local newspaper. I was never alone.
I was in a near plane crash, in the middle of a hurricane somewhere over the ocean, flying to Hawaii. When you look back at things, you know you survived. We had an amazing time in Hawaii (but I'm afraid of flying).
There were the afternoons I was forced to stay home alone with the older brother who beat me and tortured me every day of my life, the beatings my father gave me, usually for something I didn't do. My mother accusing me of picking up men in bars (I had never been in a bar; I had never kissed a boy; I was only 15), and got hysterical, and wouldn't stop crying for hours, until I called my uncle (my savior), and he came and took her away. My father was overseas, and my brother and I were left alone to fend for ourselves. Still, I liked school, and spent a lot of time in the library, or doing after-school sports, and with my mother gone, I could go to my friends' houses, dream about a brighter future.
The worst day of my life was the day I got married in the temple. I felt the presence of Satan, and I became physically sick, and had to keep leaving to run to the bathroom. The matrons were furious, and hissed at me, every time I had to leave. When we left the temple, my new husband waved the marriage certificate at my parents, and said, "She's mine now." Instead of going to the luncheon my family had prepared for us, he took me to the hotel and raped me. He said I was his property, and that he could do anything he wanted to me. I was injured and bleeding, when I walked into the reception with my father, wearing the white wedding dress. I could barely walk. No one knew anything was wrong. I didn't know that a husband could actually rape his wife. I didn't know about spousal abuse--but I learned. For over a year, he beat me and strangled me until I stopped breathing. He took me to different hospitals and doctors, and always hit me where it wouldn't show, though everyone could see the casts, and my broken jaw ("I fell in the kitchen.") Probably the worst day was the day I wanted to kill myself. Never was I so hopeless and alone.
HOPELESS--because the Mormon scriptures (D&C 132) said my husband could punish me--even if I did nothing wrong. The Mormon church had me married for eternity. No hope of escaping, even in death. If I divorced, I would lose the respect of my Mormon family and friends. And that did happen, but their shunning was not as terrible as having to belong to that sexist, punitive cult. They never did give me a temple divorce--not until the day I resigned and declared the temple sealing to be "null and void." My ex-husband was a monster who beat his sister, two more temple wives, and many others. His family won't speak to him, but he's still roaming around, free.
I have an incurable disease, probably resulting from the infection from those first injuries, that went untreated. Often, I endure many weeks of almost unbearable pain, but then it goes away. I have PTSD, but I wake up from the nightmares, and can manage the anxiety attacks. Between the bad times, there is such great joy, such love with my children and grandchildren, such success for all of us, such hope in a future outside of Mormonism, that I have never wanted to die, except that one time.