"The more successful your Mission is directly correlates with how good-looking your future wife will be."

Or something along those lines...you know what i mean.

What other "unwritten" but well understood Mormon Doctrine have you been privy to over the years???

Or so it seems to me...

In my mission we were mostly worried about not freezing our faces off while tracting.

those worried about success were mostly worried about becoming Zls or APs.

In my mission the saying was that, "the harder you worked the more wives you got in the celestial kingdom!"

Oddly enough, we never mentioned celestial marriage when we gave the after-life discussion which, if I remember right, was the fourth discussion. Funny how we never mentioned such an important doctrinal point before an investigator was baptized!

(Celestial plural marriage is still doctrine right? The church is changing so fast they very well may have disavowed this and I just missed it).

Interesting. Militants in al-Nusrah Front and the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant have a version of this belief.

10. The source will be revealed in Thomas Monson's next book. Wait for it.
9. We don't believe that anymore.
8. That is just an old wive's tale.
7. That has never been taught in the church.
6. Questions mean you are doubting. The bishop will make a visit to you this week.
5. It's not a doctrine because it is not in the Doctrine and Covenants.
4. That's just a lie being spread by anti-Mormons.
3 . I don't know of anyone in the church who might know about that.
2. I don't think we have ever taught that.
1. It's to sacred to talk about.

+1. Pretty Funny!

11. Stop masturbating

I went to mission reunion and some of the more narcisist AP's were seen with hot women. I guess good looking women are attracted to the alphas? Didn't Zoologists say that's the case with chimps, who ever is the biggest ass hole gets the clan or harem? (or was that with Lions and Lionesses?)

and if she turned out as ugly and mean as her mother he deserved it.

If I recall correctly from my days in zoology class, the standard reference for who get the best females was "the strongest, fiercest, fastest, and anyone who follows the prophet." Or maybe I got that confused, somehow.

Blessed are ye, when you do what I say, but when ye do not what I say ye have no promise.

But of course, when you are not blessed what's the answer?

Well, you didn't pray hard enough, you didn't sacrifice enough, you didn't talk to that guy on the bus when you were tired etc...

I'll take a crack at this.

In the pioneer days when gathering at Utah was doctrine.

Brigham Young supposedly said that missionaries returning with converts were marrying all the cute women on the way west and leaving slim pickings for those in Utah.

Hey Heartless!

I'm thinking the following is what you were trying to reference...you were close...these quotes are attributed to Heber C. Kimball...

1) "Brethren, I want you to understand that it is not to be as it has been heretofore. The brother missionaries have been in the habit of picking out the prettiest women for themselves before they get here, and bringing on the ugly ones for us; hereafter you have to bring them all here before taking any of them, and let us all have a fair shake."

2) "Let truth and righteousness be your motto; and do not go into the world for anything else but to preach the Gospel, build up the kingdom of God, and gather the sheep into the fold. You are sent out as shepherds to gather the sheep together; and remember that they are not your sheep: they belong to Him that sends you. Then do not make a choice of any of those sheep; do not make selections before they are brought home and put into the fold. You understand that. Amen."

Thanks for reminding me of this!

Or so it seems to me...

I think the quote is attributed to Heber C. Kimball.

Speaking to a group of departing missionaries... "Brethren, I want you to understand that it is not to be as it has been heretofore. The brother missionaries have been in the habit of picking out the prettiest women for themselves before they get here, and bringing on the ugly ones for us; hereafter you have to bring them all here before taking any of them, and let us all have a fair shake." - Apostle Heber C. Kimball, The Lion of the Lord, New York, 1969, pp.129-30.

"The more successful your Mission is directly correlates with how good-looking your future wife will be."

Sorry, never heard that one. Might have only surfaced in certain missions.

Ours was something like......Your future success in life will never exceed that of the success you attain to on your mission.

This made no sense to me. I raised my hand in a zone conference after the ZL said this. Says I, "I am not making any money here on my mission. Are you telling me that I will make less money in the real world than I am now?" I was told to sit down and shut up. I did him one better, grabbed my stuff, and took up residence in the church foyer.

Nothing was ever said.

That sounds very similar to the BS shared on my mission too.

I was also told that where I was serving at the time (Laredo TX) was the greatest place on earth to be serving. And I kept wondering how such a holy and revered location could still be over 100 degrees on Halloween day unless it was in the bowels of hell!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/08/2015 01:54AM by messygoop.

Laredo! Ugh! The armpit of Texas.

Oh, pardon me. It WAS really awful long ago. I can't speak for now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/08/2015 12:47PM by seekyr.

I got the tough love version of that: fail on your mission and no self-respecting LDS girl will marry you.

However, since mission success is more about personality and looks, it stands to reason that the more charming and good looking (and therefore successful) RMs would have a better chance of attracting a good looking mate than the less handsome guys with deficient personalities.

Yes, your dream girl will marry you for your valiant mission service. And she'll never leave you or let you leave the church. And then you'll need some glove cleaner fluid, which removes troublesome blemishes and can't be identified by a Medical Examiner.



(for Twilight Zone fans especially)

Never heard that statement. It sounds like some mission president mouthing off. Stupid. Dumb.

My son was taught this in a priesthood class back around 2000.

It would be so great if all former AP's got wives like this:
http://www.anyclip.com/movies/animal-house/getting-hand-job-in-car/



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/07/2015 11:47PM by misterzelph.

The one AP I know married the first girl that dated him. He was good looking and ambitious, but lacking in cash. She was anorexic, buck teeth, and bad skin but had money and mormon pedigree.

They married right away. She's had one baby for every year they've been married. I think it's just now hitting him what he's got himself into. I hear the inlaws are a nightmare.

They'll be 30 in 2 years. By that time they'll probably have at least 6 kids.

This is definitely a concept that LD$ Inc promotes, and just like most of the stuff that they promote its absolute GARBAGE.

One of my associates was a world class self entitled @$$ hole, you know some one just like Joseph Smith. He was completely unworthy to go on a mission, but he was also willing to LIE about it, so naturally with this type of personality he was made an AP.
He never baptized anyone, I know because if he would have, then I would have heard ALL ABOUT IT, just like I heard all about him being made DL, ZL and then AP.

I managed to baptize some people, due in large part to the fact that I was doing actual missionary work instead of being in the mission office being coddled and playing the big shot.
Because he had been an AP, he got a full ride scholarship to BYU. I had my savings cleaned out to pay for "my" mission and then I got the shaft from THE church as far as getting an education goes. It made a Hell of a contrast in our efforts to get through BYU, one that I could not ignore, even IF capt big mouth asshole was unusually and remarkably tight lipped on this particular arrangement.

I always attempted to console myself by telling myself that I accomplished the REAL objective of going on a mission - getting a convert, which should make any leadership position pale in comparison.

As I began to be more in touch with just how phony, revisionist, manipulative, corrupt and deceitful that THE church really is,
I began to ask myself how long my convert tally would really hold up against my associate's image building as he continued to run for church offices and build on his well established leadership experience. I then told myself: do not worry, dumb ass, those lying pricks really will finally get it fixed up so that you are left with absolutely nothing of merit or acclaim to cling to, and your LYING POS associate will be loaded with every possible accolade and endorsement that they can send his LYING POS way. He managed to score a calling of bishop. Then some local leaders insisting on DFing my convert mostly as a display of their MORmON majesty and power. It was pathetic.

That same convert was instrumental in leading me out of the cult.

Let these words echo and ring through the air when the MORmON church suggests that I should return to their church: You made your decision!!! You wanted a world class phony ass bull shit artist LYING POS as your company man. ANd I understand why you have that kind of preference ........ as you peddle your MORmON CRAP and inflict yourself on the gullible. You hopped into bed with him at every chance. You could not do a thing for me as you thought you still had me. You dumped my convert. LIVE with your decision, with your selected LYING POS leaders, as your filthy disgusting organization DIES just as it should.

interesting..., I haven't heard this that AP's get scholarships to BYU just for being an AP?

I don't know about any specific promise that says faithful mission -> hot wife. But even if it isn't scriptural or doctrinal, it sure as hell is taught culturally and informally by leadership at all levels.

A few years ago when I posed this question to my sisters, all of them confirmed that they were repeatedly taught as YWs to pressure YMs into going on missions and to not settle for anything less than a temple marriage to an RM.

As a 19 year old young man, I was convinced that I had only the purest of motives for serving a mission. However, if I had been a little more honest with myself, I would have acknowledged my implicit understanding that sweet little virgin Molly Mormon was not going to go off to the temple with me and have my babies unless I had that RM stamp on me.

While not entirely scriptural, I have often heard the story of Isaac and Rebekah cited as an example of how Ghawd would lead us to our perfect match if we would have faith and obey (meaning following the prophet's command to serve a mission). Of course, using this same story, we also see that Rebekah was actually a cousin of Isaac's and that familial connections had as much to do with the match as any miraculous intervention from Ghawd.

Like a thousand other things about the cult, this concept proved to be a complete lie. When it comes to how to find and attract the best possible mate, a young man would do far better to listen to Charles Darwin than to listen to the cult's teachings. Girls care about security, money, family connections, broad shoulders, strong jaws, etc. Just like young guys are typically looking for some piece of eye candy to validate themselves.

As it turns out, little Molly Mormon is a biological creature just like the rest of us. So if a guy is tall, dark, and handsome and/or wealthy then the RM requirement doesn't turn out to be all that important after all. Conversely, I have known a lot of guys that were deeply spirichul, all-around nice guys. But they were also balding, chubby dweebs and little Molly really didn't give a shit if he'd served an honorable mission or not.

Beta males and Omega males would be far better served spending their time trying to just hang out with girls, working on socialization skills, working on establishing their careers, working out at the gym, and getting some practice at playing the field and putting a few notches on their belts if they really want to attract and marry the best person they can find.

A mission takes you in precisely the opposite direction. It retards you socialization skills and leaves you unable to relate to most of your peers. And while your peers are dating and pairing off and discovering their sexuality, the missionary is forbidden meaningful contact with the opposite sex, they are shamed relentlessly for any sexual feelings or thoughts they might have, and they often come home as 21 or 22 year old virgins - long past the time when most of their peers have given up their own V-cards - putting them at a huge disadvantage when trying to discover their own sexual identities and establish intimate relationships. And of course, a mission delays your schooling and career by 2 years so that you aren't really appealing as a breadwinner either.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 10/08/2015 10:06AM by Strength in the Loins.

Checks out for me personally. Baptised over 100 people, and now am married to a gorgeous Atheistic European wife. God is great!