So I was chatting with a buddy of mine on Facebook. We made a few little jokes, and then the thought hit me.

Per Mormonism, God was a man first. He was born, lived, died. Then became a God himself. And this is how things go.


So if that is true, you would think that he was probably married as a man. (or a good chance) And probably had kids. So therefore, Jesus wasn't his first born then right? Because his kids who he had when he was a man already had a body.

So Jesus is his first spirit kid only? It's so confusing.

So all my kids will be busy making worlds, and then I will have a completely separate set of kids, who I love enough to send down to earth, and not give them straight answers. I mean, I love them but they have to work really hard to get back to me. Cause I'm so important and all.

And I know we preach about families, but I won't see any of my earthly kids, who are really my brothers and sisters. Cause they will be doing the same on their planets.


It's a vicious cycle. And completely BSC.

Plus, why does God live on another planet far away? What is he, and absentee landlord? Shouldn't he be living here with us and giving clear directions?

If he weren't a slum-God, he'd send someone over to repair this place once in a while. But no, he can't be bothered. (Unless the periods of extinction are his repair. If so, we're screwed.)

Maybe Jesus was God's first mortal kid. How else did Jesus become a God before he was ever born? Of course, i believe Mormon doctrine/scripture says he didn't have a body before he was born to Mary...so, either way, it still doesn't make sense.

WAIT...maybe he WAS the first mortal kid. And when he was born of Mary, he was BORN AGAIN! It all makes sense now! We should all be Born Agains!

Yeah, hang on - how is "families can be together forever" actually mean to work if everyone is off on their own planets?

It's like there are two different pictures of exaltation - one where everyone's together in the Celestial Kingdom, living as families, getting other people's wives and kids and so on assigned to them for various odd reasons - then a completely separate picture where every married man is a God of his own world and is busy being God and having spirit children.

How do these two images fit together? is this something that gets explained?

Their fantasy works like this:

God was a man. He had, as a man, lots of mortal babies produced as a mortal man.
Then he became a god, in his glorious resurrected perfect body. Having sex with his glorious resurrected perfect body harem of wives produces "spirit" babies. He made billions and billions of "spirit" babies. He sent those "spirit" babies down to earth to inhabit mortal bodies produced by mortals -- us.

Jesus was one of the spirit babies. Rather than just have Jesus' mortal body be produced by two mortals, though, he went and had sex in his resurrected state with Mary, a mortal -- so Jesus was a hybrid of mortal mom and super-perfect resurrected glorious god sperm. That makes Jesus the "one and only" such hybrid.

No, it makes no sense. No, there's nothing to back it up. But that's the fantasy.