I was thinking about relationships I had with people over the last several years with people in the morg and started to think how those relationships developed over time. I quickly realized that I havent made a single friend within the church. The closest I came is my wife making a friend and we would periodically go to their house and play some games and have a dinner, but we havent done that in nearly 2 years.

I was shocked that I dont have one friendship today that originated in the morg! There have been plenty of friendly people, at least on the surface, but nothing ever really materialized. I dont believe myself to be a hard person to get a long with and I am generally outgoing. I used to play basketball for several years with a bunch of guys, but when I stopped coming no one ever said anything.

My wife and I met with the bishop a few years ago and he asked if we had any friends in the ward. I told him that if were to move away today there is no one that we would keep in contact with.

Anyone else have any similar experiences?

I was in the same neighborhood and ward for 27 years. I moved out of that ward in 2007. I do not have one "friend" that was in that ward boundary. Exactly one couple (our neighbors across the street) came to the viewing of my ex when he passed away and it was in the same town as our ward. And NO one of those ward members came to the funeral. We were out of sight, out of mind.

Same here. There are guys I would chat with at church, play ball with, etc..., but no true friends.

My in-laws are the same. They lived in one area for ~15 years, FIL was in stake and ward leadership, etc... They moved several years ago and they don't keep in touch with a single person. They do have a couple from earlier on that that they keep in touch with...the only people that really reached out to them during a difficult time 30+ years ago. That's one true friendship in a lifetime of membership.

My folks have one couple that they're close to in their current ward...the only couple in the ward that's their age. I assume they would keep in touch if they or my parents moved away. Maybe not. They have no real friendships from any previous wards in several states.

Mormonism is lonely!!! Growing up I kept wondering what was wrong with me. But, now I realize that it what's wrong with the church culture. The friends you have were assigned to visit u and really its just a duty to check off a list.

I have one friend out of 2,000 people I associated with in 36 years. My friend is an authentic person. Even though she lives on the other side of the country, we keep in touch regularly.

The only Mormons that stayed in touch were the convert Mormons I knew from my Singles Ward Days who have also left Mormonism behind. There were two ward sisters who used to invite me to go with them to the movies. When I resigned I never heard from them even though I visited them and let them know I still thought of them as my friends. Never heard from either again. One moved out of town and nobody told me.

I just think that in the morg, love and friendship are so conditional. I don't miss fake friends.

Mormons don't have friendships; they have fellowships. The Boner.

Very sad but so true!

Seminary outside of the morridor was one of the worst experiences to have to endure. I fought the constant pressure from the bp to attend; primarily because it started at the ungodly hour of 6am.

Oh but the bp assured my mom that it would be such a great spiritual experience. I actually feared the experience of seminary more than freshman football because I felt so alone and ignored by my church peers. I worried about getting from the seminary site to HS because it required a good drive across town. I was assured that there were plenty of older youth to grab a ride to get to school on-time.

On the first day of school, I had too many bags. I was bringing the giant football gym bag because I had played an away schrimage game and took the gear home to wash. The fun began after being dropped off. Nobody wanted me to sit next to them! I ended up sitting outside of the main room in a dark hallway. When seminary was over at 7:40, the deliquents ran out so there was nobody left to help fold the chairs. The meek-ish teacher began to cry and I became obligated to help her (I was also assigned to her family with my dad as their HT).

I was too stupid to notice that these church assholes had kicked my football bag out of the room. All my gear and uniform was strewn all over the parking lot. It was a bitch to round it up. There was only one car left and it was really crowded. I grabbed both bags and pleaded for them to stop. An older girl rolled down the window and shouted "Tough luck LOSER!' then cranked up the radio driving away.

The only person left was the seminary teacher and all she could say "I am so sorry that I don't have enough gas to drive you." I started a long walk down the street and she pulled over to give me a ride. I ended giving her my lunch $ so she didn't run out of gas. Looking back, I never should have given her any dough. Thank god I had good friends from football who had some extra money for lunch!

Even though I told mom about my shit_ty experience, she gave me her standard "Well they mean well" speech anytime members acted cruel and mean towards me.

I was forced to go back for day two. This time I got a humiliating ride in a car trunk from seminary to HS.

Day 3 was the end of seminary. Once again I was left behind so I walked to HS. I arrived 45 min late. I was too late for a tardy slip so I had to see the VP; who in turn called my mom at her work to complain that I was being sent to ISS for truancy. The punishment continued during football practice because any player sent to detention or suspension was physically exhausted for setting a poor example.

I used to think that there was something seriously wrong with me, but I have since learned that they were the f----d up ones.

... as in "How many non-members did you friendship last year?" which is a question the ward mission leader might ask you.

And "friendshipping" is the way you dupe non-members into believing you actually view them as a friend. It's a tool used to lure them into attending church, taking the missionary discussions and then getting baptized--so that they, too, can engage in the process of friendshipping.

Fortunately, it rarely actually works, and even when it does, most people who are victims of the tactic realize what has happened to them and soon after leave the cult and return to lives with fewer actual (but at least genuine!) friends.

friends have your back, but mormons are too busy with their own backs.

The fellow missionaries you liked the best were the ones who broke the rules with you, and covered for you.

A friend is happy for you when you catch a break, but a mormon 'friend' gets bugged because you catching a break might might get you a church promotion that he/she wanted.

Also, how do mormon 'friends' ever have fun together now days? Double dating to the temple?

My very TBM aunt and uncle had their daughter's family live at their house, while they went on a mission, and for years afterwards. When it came time for the daughter's TBM family to buy their own house, they would only look at houses in the same ward. The grandchildren said that if they moved out of the ward, they would lose all their friends!

I said, "Really?" Yes, they said it was common knowledge, that it would happen. Even if they stayed in the same general area and continued at the same schools, the ward friendships would be broken. It was just the way things were. I looked at my TBM brother and said, "What's wrong with this picture...."

Thanks for this thread. I thought it was just me, because I was divorced and single, and couldn't join in the couples-dominated social activities. Also, I was a working mother, so I wasn't available during the day to carpool or babysit. I grew up with the idea that in order to be a friend, you had to be USEFUL. I played the piano and organ. I also had a teaching degree. My family always came first--and it made me unpopular every time I said "No," even though I always had three callings. My family and career came before friends and church, and I felt guilty, because church and fellowshipping were supposed to come first.

Down the road, I have my family, and my children turned out great. I thought it was very strange that I had no real Mormon friends, and I thought it was because they didn't like being a low-priority. I would always show up for emergencies, whenever anyone needed me, though. No one ever invited me into their home, unless it was for a church meeting. No one ever invited me to lunch, or called me just to talk, or did things together on the weekends, like my work friends do.

My only Mormons friends were in the singles group. But as soon as those got married, they disappeared. I don't blame them--they wanted to get out of being single ASAP, and never look back!

My Mormon temporary acquaintances were competitive. If I won, that made them a loser. They were jealous and want wanted what I had--even when they had more. The housewives felt that being single and having a career was "glamorous." Working my head off, always taking classes and learning new things, and trouble-shooting, and raising my children was exhausting, and maintaining a house and yard was exhausting! I was actually very happy, though, and my Mormon friends didn't like that. Time was limited, and I didn't want to spend it with negative, critical, superstitious, fear-driven Mormons. They offered no empathy, no support, no joy, and certainly no love--even when I used to give them all of that. It was never returned.

We met each other half-way, in cutting off Mormon friendships, and we all benefitted.

yes. I just made a post about the same topic, heading "Thinkng of leaving the church." To me, it shows how this can't be "the one true church" if the people are so fake and clique-ish to treat converts or not-perfectly-active members with disdain, as I have seen happen firsthand during my 3 yr membership, and painfully to myself and kids. It is bizarre, wrong, and sad. Just another red flag telling me to GET OUT!

My LDS friends back in the day were guys that would party and raise hell with me.

RB