Posted by:
nomonomo
(
)
Date: July 28, 2015 02:22PM
Focusing on which neighborhoods are ok is the wrong approach to this. That might work for never-Mo families, but your wife is Mormon in their minds (and perhaps even her own). So are your children, by extension. They will NEVER leave you alone.
You say you want to make the move so your kids will be around family. You are singing the Mormon song: "family." But it's this very family that is going to make your lives miserable until you capitulate, or they reject you and your kids completely (and then they will still try to make you miserable). Imagine making this move to be around family, and then having that very "family" shun you? And shun your kids too, unless they join.
You say your wife only does the Mormon stuff when visiting. A move there will be an endless visit. By the way, they will see your move to Utah as heavenly father's influence, and a sure sign that "the church is true," whether you like it or not. They will exert herculean pressure on your wife to return (if they even know she's left), on your kids too, and on you, directly and through your wife and kids.
It's irrational to think that you can make a move into their midst and negotiate and/or maintain reasonable boundaries. That might work with normal people, but it will not work with brainwashed cult members.
If this extended family is TBM, then their lives revolve around TSCC. They will accommodate you when you visit, probably genuinely, but also because Mormons are supposed to be nice and smile all the time. That's because people like you--apostate Gentiles--are supposed to see how wonderful it all is and sign up. Once you steadfastly refuse them, you will see a different side of them, because the "church" is more important than you. And it's more important than your marriage, and your wife, and your kids.
Here's what you can expect:
-If you resist them, they will shun you, portray you as a bad husband and try to destroy your marriage to get your wife back.
-If your marriage is strong enough to survive, they will shun you both, portray you as bad parents and try to steal your children.
-And if you manage to survive all that, they will shun you all, and you won't have any family around anyway.
The bottom line is that you, or some portion of your family, will have to give in, or you won't have this "nice" extended family around. Worse, you will be persecuted by them.
This may all sound exaggerated and hyperbolic, but it isn't. It's the reality you'll be living in should you move your family to be near these other folks.
The bible says something like "train up a child in the way he should go, and he will not depart from it." More than theology, this is basic psychology. Your wife was brought up in this mess. It would seem that she's rejected it, but you say that religion has been a big issue lately--that's odd if you're both non-practicing--it seems that religion is a significant issue already (moving to Utah is bound to compound this).
You said you hope you can all attend a Catholic church. That sounds reasonable, but you also said you're a non-practicing Catholic. You wife is a non-practicing Mormon, so wouldn't it be equally reasonable for her to hope that you can all attend a Mormon church? Is it reasonable or rational to expect others to attend a church whose tenates you don't even practice yourself? My point is, that just like you are drawn to the church you know, even though you haven't been practicing, the same dynamic exists in her.
By the way, if you want to know how Mormons feel about Catholics, scroll down to point #6 in the first section at this link:
http://www.catholic.com/tracts/mormon-stumpersActually, there's a lot of good information at that website about Mormons. One of my brothers married a Catholic girl, and there's no end to the friction between them and our Mormon relatives (roughly half the immediate and extended family), so I pointed him there. Actually, there's no end to the friction between our Mormon family members and the non-Mormon family members...at least those who even communicate--a large number of us are being shunned.
You said religion "has been a big issue in our marriage and if it wasn't because of the kids, I think I would have given up already." If you want to completely destroy your marriage, then move to Utah. Read the very last sentence on the page linked here:
http://www.catholic.com/tracts/distinctive-beliefs-of-the-mormon-church