Well, folks....this week was my enlightenment week. After looking around at different churches in the area (specifically a Reform Jewish synagogue, Unitarian Universalist, and local Baptist church) and seeing how open-minded, fun, kind, nonjudgmental, liberal and all around amazing their congregations were....I want to get the heck out of the LDS church and find somewhere more fulfilling.

However, I still live with my mom and she's a hardcore TBM. My extended family has disowned many family members for leaving the church, including my older brother who fell away and got tattoos and started drinking. I know that if I leave the church, it will rip the family apart. There's also no way to stop going to church without being kicked out of the house.

I can't afford to be homeless right now. I'm trying to get through college. How do I leave without anyone knowing? Should I be upfront with her?

I describe myself as "spiritual," so I definitely want to join another congregation, but it seems so impossible right now and it's killing me.

Pretend. Have lots of reasons not to attend, if possible. Just because your body is there, doesn't mean you are!
You'll find a way to do what you want, all in good time. It's about timing, usually, anyhow. I doubt most people really want to be at church anyhow!
Be patient. Set priorities. Do what you can, little by little for your own peace of mind. Attend some other churches at other times if you can work it in.
You know what they say: Rome was not made in a day. Bide your time. Be happy, helpful, and kind. It is not a contest.

You have time to work this out. No need to chance being disowned and homeless when you can someday be on your own and resign at your leisure.

Tell them you are going to the singles ward or another ward and go to your own church at that time

xe Wrote:
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> There's also no way to stop going to church without being kicked out of the house.
> I can't afford to be homeless right now.

I think you've answered your own question. It's too risky given your circumstances. Get your education, get employed, then strike out on your own. At that point you can live as you like.

Fact of life --- you cannot have the advantages of independence, so long as you remain dependent on others. Her house, her rules.
If you don't want to follow them, give up the perks. Otherwise you are simply using your mother --- someone you persumably wouldn't want to do that to. (Yes, it stinks that her help is conditional. But it still is her house, her rules.)

It is okay to ask her how her control is consistent with LDS teachings about agency.

In my case, even though I am in my late young adult years, my parents found out my disbelief when I told them that I was investigating becoming Catholic (which I am still doing) and then they went on a rant about how I would lose my salvation and that I was Mr. Apostate for even considering another church. The best thing I would recommend in your case,is to somehow find a way to maintain a low profile in the Cult, don't attend any activities or even consider dating TBM women.

They will just rant at you for even bringing your doubts to the surface. Work towards independence as others have said. Once you get that degree, you have the ability to gain a higher pay scale and hopefully find a place to live on your own and find that fulfilling place, its there out there somewhere. Good luck in your endeavors.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/04/2015 07:29PM by cwm31s.

You can't.

Do what I did. I screwed up my courage and just did it.

Like SusieQ said, pretend for now. It pays the rent.

Graduate, job, move out, and resign from LDS church.

Live a full life of freedom from religious tyranny.

Do an independent research study on religion that requires you to visit multi-denominational churches as part of your report.

Also, Reform Judaism meets usually on Friday evenings and Saturday mornings, maybe w/Sunday morning classes, depending on where the temple is.

My daughter did a paper on the Holocaust in high school that got us out of our comfort zone, and investigating the local synagogues where I live. That led to the next phase of my life, ie, a practicing Messianic Jew for five years before I decided that felt too much like the cult of Mormonism I left behind. And now I attend at a Conservative synagogue, where it feels "close to right," or right enough.

I'm a closet Christian there. They accept me as I am, it's just forbidden in Judaism to proselytize anyway, so that isn't a problem. I love the expression found in Judaism, and being able to question things deeply (or not!)

Your mom is just exerting her control over you while she still can. But telling her you need to do this as part of a school assignment, and then really doing it (even as an independent study,) isn't lying. If that doesn't help, well, it was just a suggestion I hoped might.

:)

You can do what I did as a child when I didn't wish to go to Sunday church meetings. I feigned illness. I know it wasn't right, but mom didn't mind if she thought I felt sick. That way I was able to stay home and watch my favorite Disney movie of the week. That's another way to get out of going to the dreaded Sacrament meetings. Truth of the matter it did make me sick sometimes to my tummy at the thought of missing my Disney movie!

Also, pastor Charles Stanley you can find his weekly televised sermons online if you miss them on TV. He's a baptist preacher, and maybe the only baptist I don't mind listening to.

You might like his style, if you have a moment to check him out.

Pretending is fun actually. Make the occasional appearance. My wife, despite knowing it's crap, likes to go to SM every other week and then we go home. More fun to see the miserable souls sitting there wishing they weren't. My wife wants my daughter baptized, whether it is Mormon or some other religion. It's just words. I am not even temple worthy as far not supporting the GA's the Profit and not wearing the magic underwear. I might be struck down when I enter the font without my G's. It's all just words and such.

Keeps the family out of our business and we do what we please. Although they are suspecting since they saw my wife's tattoo and that she probably didn't have the G's on. Just make a game out of it like we do. Keep 'em guessing.

I took an elective course in college called "Assertiveness Training." It was to help mostly women, who have been conditioned into not standing up for themselves.

That class was years ago. But I still remember how it helped empower the people in that class, to be able to assert themselves on things that really matter.

If you are already in college as it sounds like you are, it is time to be at least practicing being assertive. As difficult as it is to broach the subject of leaving Mormonism with your mother, you are pretty much postponing the inevitable by delaying it. Are you sure you won't be able to take care of yourself, or that the roof is going to cave in where you live by coming out and opening up to your mom on religion?

As bad as you make it sound, it can also be worse on yourself by keeping it inside in terms of your suppressing your true feelings. Because it will foster resentment, that will foster anger, and that suppressing your anger by turning it inward leads to depression. It may be too high a price to pay for your emotional well-being.

If your mom really loves you, she'll want you to be happy and leading a fulfilling life. Reassuring her that you are on your terms may be all she needs to hear to feel you're going to be fine even sans Mormon doctrine.

You'll be taking a leap of faith and a bold step forward in your future - but just being assertive can actually be more beneficial to you in the long run than trying to hide from your parents in the short term.

Since you are in college, I'm assuming you're an adult and not a minor. You can take care of yourself, if you have to. You just need to plan and work towards your goals, and try not to be afraid of being honest with your parents so you can live the life you choose and on your terms.

Personally, I'd suck it up and pretend till you can live on your own. Try to finish school and then get a good, stable job.

Not sure where you live but if you're in Utah I'd probably get out of there as soon as you can. Start somewhere new for a new job. Distance is your ally.