I spent about one year with my boyfriend he made me feel like i was in heaven and then suddenly he went on this church trip and left me in a week. I was serious about him, im muslim and i was even willing to convert and look into mormonism so i could see the light and even asked him to guide me. he agreed to help me understand and we were suppose to break up a week or two before he leaves for his mission in a few months and then suddenly idk he just left me. it was so unexpected and im so use to him idk what to do or how to feel im just in depression.he seems happy tbh. just a few weeks ago he was crying how hes afraid to lose me and stuff and now.. hes gone. i gave him everything, EVERYTHING. i went to all of his events i did more for him than he deserved even when he barely did half as much for me. but i love him. his family didnt really approve of it and asked him to leave me continuously so theyre probably happy now. im trying so hard to let him go but i cant hes become such a huge part of my life idk what to do.

I was willing to wait for him while he was on his mission knowing he will come back almost a new person. its just that i feel so used now. we did things but didnt have sex. i just feel that all my effots just went to waste because he didnt think twice before leaving me and claims he prayed about it and the feeling that he should leave me kept getting stronger and stronger so he left me, he called me and said im sorry but im breaking up with you. i was so easy to leave, after all i did, everything went to waste in a second, he was having a lot of fun on that trip and made a lot of new friends that a mostly girls. its just sad how he forgot me and everything, the whole year all the memories, it depresses me and idk what to do.

Begin living your life. Focus on your education and future. When you feel sad, recall how he dropped you so easily. What if you married him, had four kids, no career, and he dropped you just as easily... ? Mormon family pressure is intense and "eternal."

It may not feel like it now but he did you an enormous favor, rather than wasting two more years of your precious youth. Obtain your degree and go on to grad school. It will be the wisest choice you can possibly make. Value yourself and develop your skills and talents.

If you need help, see a counselor or therapist. They will help you with emotional tools to get past this break-up. He wasn't right for you. If you must change everything in order to be with someone, it isn't based on reality. Listen to positive affirmations. Look up positive meditation online and begin believing those messages about your self-worth. Value yourself.

Don't give a boy who was not capable of loving you the power to break your heart. You will discover real love in the future and be relieved you were able to move forward from this experience.

((Girl power hugs))

Doubtless he was subjected to cult indoctrination during the time he was gone, where they hammered into his head the idea that he has to choose from among a Mormon girl. Religiously mixed marriages in Mormonism are all but not allowed. And if he let slip to somebody that he was serious with a Muslim girl. he would have been called in special for a harsh lecture about the evils of Islam and how LDS kids should avoid hanging out with them, let alone getting serious with them. Consider yourself lucky that it didn't consume more of your life. But I'm sad that you lost a love. That is always tough.

they don't convert muslims. if you had converted, there would be a death sentence on your head, handed down from allah himself and uttered by mohammed and detailed in the koran.

your family in particular and any muslim in general would be under obligation to carry out the sentence of killing the apostate muslim. These 'honour killings' happen regularly in europe when a muslim girl gets a western boyfriend, or a boyfriend from a different tribe or country their parents' do not approve of and a whole myriad of other reasons (wanting to go to university) - never mind converting. It has been a common belief in the UK for some time, although I do not believe it to be 'official doctrine': not to discuss the church with muslims. This is no doubt due to the size of our rapidly increasing muslim population. Can't have the one true church being blamed for the deaths of investigators now, can we?

He did you a BIG favour.

This sort of thing is FAR from universal Muslim custom. There are many schools of Muslim thought. Please don't assume they're all the worst.

Not that the worst aren't awful, but the worst fundamentalists in all religions are pretty awful in my view.

A friend of mine married a Muslim who converted to Mormonism. After a few years, he felt that his life wasn't going well because he'd left his faith and he returned to it. That was pretty much the end of their marriage. She was voted out of her own marriage by his sons, because they said they needed a Muslim mother.

Anyway, like anonUK (afk) said, this guy did you a big favour. You do not want to be a Mormon. Trust us on that one.

Just the fact that you said that he didn't do half as much for you as you did for him raised a huge red flag for me. A relationship like that never works out well, because the one doing all the work eventually becomes exhausted and they may even begin to resent their spouse.

Find someone who appreciates you for being exactly who you are and not someone who needs to change you in order for you to be acceptable to him and his family.

You deserve much better than that. Find someone who puts in at least 40% of the relationship. I think that 40-60 can work, but no greater margin than that. It's not fair to you and it's exhausting.

Don't worry. You'll find a guy who is better suited to you, which to me means one who loves and appreciates you just as you are.

This match was unlikely to ever succeed. If he didn't break up with you now, then it probably would have happened during his mission. Even a lot of Mormon girls who are "waiting on a missionary" end up getting dumped. This young man will not be ready to marry until he returns from his mission. Even then, it likely wouldn't be you.

It is easy for young women to get very focused on men and dating. Instead, focus on getting the education and credentials you need for a career that pays well. You need to know that if you never marry, or are divorced or widowed, that you can support yourself and your children. In the course of pursuing your goals, you will come across a number of interesting men.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2015 04:48PM by summer.

These replies really had me thinking more and more and truly i do believe that he has done me a favor. on his trip he was advised to think about his future spouse and all and he called me and said im sorry but i keep thinking about it and i did what i had to do and im so sorry but im breaking up with you. and claims he still loves me and stuff like you wouldnt do that if you loved me, its sad i spent a whole year loving and getting attatched to someone who left me without thinking twice about it
its just all the promises he made and swore to not ever leave me he just said im sorry i had to break it. promises mean a lot to me and i just dont have the courage to make them anymore. ive had a terrible past and hes the only one that knows about it, i want my secrects back, i trusted him, he promised he would never hurt me. WHAT KIND OF RELIGION IS THIS.

i dont think im as upset that he left. its the way he left that has me upset like everything was so perfect and this was way too sudden to just indulge. like i really loved this guy and i just didnt deserve it. i feel like i was played most the whole year. he told me he wants to get into the most spiritual state of mind and stay that way to prepare for his mission that he claims he will get the mission call late from because he did stuff with me and that will delay the call, what even.

its messed up how you do stuff with me and feel guilty and leave like that like he said hes trying to clean up his life now. I FEEL SO USED. im angry at myself. everyone thought we were so perfect and idk, if he came back this minute and said i want you back tbh i wouldnt take him back because I was used just for his pleasures. i feel sick that i even did things (not sex) i just feel that i shouldnt have and i regret it.

he posted pictures from the trip with his arm around another girl and other group members and its just sad like how this doesnt matter to him that im hurting really bad when i would be there for him every single time and sometimes he wouldne be there for me, im starting to see that it was an unhealthy relationship.

I just want to forget him now, i was just his first gf too and he did everything for the first time with me and now that he feels guilty hes backing out and leaving me and giving ME the blame when he would be the one to start something most of the time.

I hate this situation.

(thank you all for the helpful responses :) )



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2015 04:39PM by frizzy18.

Please try to remember that this has nothing to do with you, or with your worth as a person or a girlfriend. It has everything to do with his religion. Mormonism is not like most other Christian denominations. It is a very involving, restrictive branch.

Your friend probably never consciously intended to leave you feeling used. It is just the nature of his faith.

We were all close friends. "Jane" never let "Jim" know how she felt, although he may have guessed since we all spent a LOT of time together. Jane and Jim exchanged friendly letters during his stint. Several months prior to his returning, Jim began to write letters to Jane indicating that he was romantically interested in her. There was even talk of marriage. I recall how excited Jane was when the time came for Jim to return. She had known and been friends with Jim for quite some time so she had no doubt of her feelings. His letters had left no doubt of how he felt about Jane. Circumstances and schedules made their meeting day of Jim's return very brief.

A week later Jim announced his engagement to someone else. Jane was devasted.

Having read some of Jim's letters and knowing him as well as I did, it was a shock to see how he treated Jane. I couldn't believe it.

Shortly thereafter a mutual friend (we had all been roommates at BYU) was similarly dumped by the son of a GA she had been dating. They were about to be engaged. He went away for the weekend on a family get-together and he came back engaged to someone else.

Mormons do this on a regular basis apparently.

he will be pressured to:

A, go on a mission
B, to date only Mormon girls

You're not a Mormon so you're out
Also, one weekend of Mormon brainwashing to remind him of his duties and obligations to his cult.

I'm surprised you're dating outside your religion as well

He's just gone on a mission!

Sometimes they are put under enormous social pressures to ditch the non-member girlfriend. Particularly if they have been a little too familiar with each other.

He is right now starting his brainwashing extravaganza and he is taking to it pretty well from what I can tell. The ditching of the girlfriend is a good indicator that he has been made to feel immense guilt over what you guys did, and the only way to eliminate that high level of guilt is to distance yourself from the girlfriend.

His mind is messed up right now. Messed up by a cult masquerading as a so called Christian religion.

You are better out of the mess that is Mormonism. Although they are not quite as restrictive on their women as your current religion.

He sounds like a shallow ex-boyfriend. If he could be that flippant with you, after a vested relationship then you deserve better than he is able to give you.

You're going through more heartache than he is capable of feeling, because you cared enough to feel.

Just thank your lucky stars that you were spared more grief. He promised you things he couldn't deliver on. Maybe he's just immature? Or maybe he'll always be this way. Some men never grow up. If he's all of 19 (the age of most Mormon male missionaries,) then blame it on his youth. I'd also blame it on his parents and family exerting undue pressure not to date outside the Mormon religion. They're as tight a religion in a provincial sense, as the Muslim.

Only Mormonism is a cult. Being a Muslim isn't.

Although as scotslander points out, being a Muslim has its own restrictions. You may find some respite here, as a refuge from that strict religion.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2015 05:58PM by amyjo.

Did he go to EFY (especially for youth)? http://ce.byu.edu/yp/

At EFY everyone hugs everyone there are motivational speakers and a lot of sharing testimonies going on. I went to EFY about 20 years ago or so they had someone open his mission call in front of about 100-200 kids. I would not be surprised if your ex boyfriend in a week or 2 will come back. Right now he is in his spiritual high and has probably promised several people that he would clean act his act to go on a mission.
Mormonism is a cult please don't join it brings so much heart ache and it is totally false. They don't use the tithing money to help the poor they use the tithing money to buy land in Florida and to build a Jesus mall.

http://cesletter.com/

I got married in the temple and I was very upset when I discovered that my husband didn't believe in the church. Every Sunday he would ask me questions about the church that I couldn't answer. After a few years I finally went online and did some research and found out that it is all a lie. No wonder hubby couldn't believe it lol. He knew I was a full believer and he somewhat believed it too. Anyway short term pain long term gain do not marry a Mormon.

he hasnt gone on his mission yet, he has one more interview and then he waits for his call, which might not be for a few months since all these things can delay his call.

he said he prayed to god about it and stuff and the feeling to leave me kept getting stronger and stronger. the day before he left me he was perfectly fine on his trip and said i love you and miss you and cant wait to come home to see you and stuff and the next morning he decided to wake up and not reply to my texts but update his social media, i asked why and he called and broke up with me.

it happened so fast and sudden im still in shock and its been a little over a week now.

So it sounds like an Especially for Youth thing. In preparation for his Mission.

If he dumps you after EFY meetings, the chances are even if he came back and changed his mind, he'll do exactly the same when he leaves for his mission.

Google lds temple ceremonies there are some on youtube. Mormonism is not like other religions.

http://www.fullerconsideration.com/templenameoracle.php

It's a combination of him and you both still being very young and the fact that he's under the influence of a cult.

He probably doesn't mean to be thoughtless as he has been to you in all of this, but between the typical clumsiness of boys his age and his being totally controlled by the mormon church, you got treated rudely.

It hurts a lot now, but you are sooooooo lucky to have dodged a bullet here. No matter how nice this boy is, your future with a mormon would have led to bigger heartbreak down the road, everyone here can promise you that.

It will get better for you, just stay away from those mormon boys!

Good luck!

To Ms. frizzy18,

Young lady, you dodged a bullet. Please, focus your current attention on other things in your life, such as your education. You need education and skills to be able to support yourself just in case.

Just in case. We never know where situations in our lives will lead us.

When, eventually, you meet another person whom you will feel fondness for, it is imperative that the two of you communicate, communicate, communicate! Learn about each other, even if it requires you to use Google to understand your close friend better. Education, whether it be formal schooling or informal research, will serve you well in your life.

Islam is like the mafia.
You can never leave or else you get a fatwa against your life.

That is just dumb. My friend married a Muslim guy. He eventually converted to Buddhism. His family makes no big deal out of it. My friend and he go on vacations to his country and there's no threat on his life or anything like that. Avoid Christian propaganda.

That's like saying you know a mormon who drinks coffee and that proves that mormons approve of coffee drinking.

At least you didn't post "My husband who is Mormon left me..."

Be glad he left now, and not after things had gotten any more serious.

Shake it off, dust yourself off and find someone worthy of your love!

I am so sorry for your pain. Your first love is so hard to recover from. May I be so forward to suggest that he (and you) are very young? But that being said they are some of the strongest emotions... He is in the thrall of his "religion"... Please let this be a lesson about how religion, no matter it's flavor can be taken too far. Love is what makes us a higher primate..not religion.

Just my opinion (and experience)... It hurts like hell and there's nothing you can do about him.. But it is so much better when someone accepts you fully for who you are...good, bad and ugly.... And still loves you for who you are!!

"I'm muslim and I was even willing to convert" ...

Huh ?

I'm sorry to say this but based on your statements, I don't think the man loved you.

If he had, he would have treated you a lot better than this while you were dating, he wouldn't have dumped you because of his religion and he wouldn't have been so callous of your feelings after the breakup.

This relationship was not going to work.

I think TSCC is sh!t but in this case, I think it's more about him than TSCC as I just don't think he loved you.

As cruel as he has been to you, he actually did you a favor.

You will get over it. The more you force yourself to think about other things, the quicker it will happen. Or, you could spend years pining for something that can never happen.

I wish you luck. You will find someone great if you're open to it.

I'm sorry you got hurt.

Life is easier when you don't have to belong to a religion. At some point in your life you might have to come to terms with the benefit of community and identity that the religion provides weighed against the divisiveness of it.

Decide why you believe what you do. Will you believe because you were born into something? Will you believe because you love someone who believes in something different? You were willing to convert FOR someone, regardless of what nonsense they believe.

I don't have any answers for you. I dumped my first love because I was a Mormon and he was a Catholic. He offered to convert but I didn't want to have to defend my religion. (He ended up converting to fanatic born again evangelical for another girl years later).

I passed up some great guys because they were not Mormon. It's not that hard to fall in love and painful to walk away.

Religion is a self-imposed obstacle people bring to relationships. He didn't need the obstacle of Muslim baggage and you don't need to deal with Mormon baggage. You both dodged a bullet of having to deal with two cultural expectations together, IMO.

I'm guessing he would have written you a Dear Jane letter when he went on a mission anyway.

You said you gave him EVERYTHING. If you mean sex, then he might have trouble going on a mission if anyone finds out.

Consider it a learning experience and know the heart will move on. Best to you.

You dodged a bullet here, as Mormonism is a cult, not just another Christian church. He's been brainwashed from birth practically to go on a mission, then as soon as he gets home, to marry another Mormon in the temple within months, and to start having children before the first wedding anniversary. In the end, it's better than having to post "My husband, whose Mormon, left me and the children...."

You're lucky he left you. Mormons would have mistreated you and he would would have blamed you because they would have started mistreating him as well.

Lick your wounds and cry, then find someone better suited to you.

Old post, everyone (from June 2015.) The OP probably came and went a long time ago.