My title is the most lunatic example of warped Mormon thinking I can think of at the moment - post yours below!

"I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of god, because he said so, and a prophet of god cannot lie!"

From "Happy Days"

Fonz: "She's a virgin."

Richie: "How do you know she's a virgin?"

Fonz: "She told me."

Richie: "How do you know she was telling the truth?"

Fonz: "Hey, virgins don't lie."

Of course it's a sound investment; he's the stake president!

One of my first and favorite WTF moments...

I volunteered one summer at Girls' Camp, when I lived in Iowa. They were doing one of those intense "bear your testimony" sessions, getting all these little girls to stand up and to usher out their testimony in a flood of tears.

Honestly, the mothers were more ridiculous than the girls. And most of the girls who did get up, only did so because they had mothers who were volunteering there.

Anyway, this one mother gets up, and tells us all about how she drove her daughters and some other girls into camp with 4 bald tires. She says that she intended to buy new tires before the trip, but doing so would have meant that she wouldn't have money to pay tithing.

Because she "knew" the "Lord" would "bless" her if she was faithful enough to pay tithing, she elected to pay tithing and drive the girls in on bald tires.

And that morning, she found an envelope in her tent with her name on it, with enough money in it to buy her some tires.

I have a strong testimony of affluent people who do nice things for others, without wanting personal recognition.

I also know that in between prayers to her Heavenly Father, she took breaks during breakfast and lunch to tell the affluent moms there about her great spiritual conundrum.

"do you want net blessings or gross blessings ?"

Judging from the reckless idiocy of her "sacrifice", I'd say she's pretty gross.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/24/2015 12:05AM by godtoldmetorun.

Something happened that I can't explain. Therefore, God (ghosts, magic) were involved.

"Scientists don't know everything, therefore I will dedicate my life (and the lives of my children) to a cult."

"I made a decision to believe, no matter what."

"I only read church approved material. Therefor, I know the truth about everything involving the church"

The Book of Mormon foretells of the coming of Joseph Smith. Therefore, Joseph Smith is God's prophet.

I don't think even Mohamed had those kind of balls.

This one is my all time favorite truth to bear witness of! I just love the mindfucking circular logic!

"If you want to know the truth about Mormonism, ask a Mormon!"

I love this topic!

Two of my favorites:

I prayed about the Book of Mormon and had a feeling that was good therefore the Book of Mormon is true, therefore Joseph Smith was a prophet, therefore the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in its present day iteration is the true church. (About three non sequiturs in that one alone).

Also, a favorite missionary trope: "Doesn't God love us like he loved people in the bible? So why wouldn't God send prophets in our day like he did in the bible?" (And then we told investigators in like the next sentence that for about 2000 years there were no prophets on the earth until Joseph Smith. The absurdity of that never hit me on the mission for some reason).



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/24/2015 03:31PM by generationofvipers.