Hi all, I'm new to the RfM boards. I've been reading through for a couple of weeks and really find it enlightening here. It's wonderful. I am still a semi-active member, but mostly because my journey out has just begun. Anyway, that's not my topic I wanted to post about.

Basically I wanted to express my growing anger towards my patriarchal blessing, and see if anyone else feels this about all or part of theirs. Or PBs in general I guess.

I used to hold my PB in the highest esteem- a real guideline for my life and something I was (and to be honest still slightly am) afraid to deter from. My experience getting my PB was very "spiritual and special", lots of crying etc etc. And there was an instance involving my mom and my PB that I always thought was too "uncoincidental" for the PB to be a lie. But there are other things in my PB I am finding to be untrue, and definitely things that have instilled a sense of fear in me. 1) The blessing mentions that I will have a lot of negatives in my life. What? This is something that haunts me nearly daily. I feel I can't do anything big or joy-inducing for fear something negative comes in to wipe away all my joy. 2) It goes into very specific detail about getting married in the temple and having a family. I am not marrying in the temple and I also do not plan on having children. In turn, I have this constant fear that my future husband, who I love dearly, is going to die soon and somehow THOSE plans are GOING to manifest themselves.

I guess my point is, I am really starting to resent my PB for instilling these fears and others in me. (Obviously I am growing to resent the church and members themselves, but that's another topic). Anyone else feel this way towards their PB?

I was super bummed by my vanilla blessing. It basically said, "You should follow the Spirit and your life will be OK. Oh, and you'll have a family somewhere in there." I thought I'd been faithful enough to deserve some specifics. I thought awesome promises or specific warnings would be evidence of God's awareness of me. Instead, it looked to me like he just wanted to try my faith some more. I tried to take it in good humor, but I was let down.

I didn't think about the potential for fear. Thanks for your post, now I'll be grateful!

p.s. Later I realized that the patriarch gave my sister essentially the same blessing. I think they come up with a template and give that unless they feel particularly inspired to add things.

Our son's PB was very foreboding and took tremendous joy out of the life of a very, very good kid; and of course, was devastating to us, his parents.

For this reason alone, I am glad that I found out the truth about this whole gig.

The power of suggestion can be a powerful thing, think about how the placebo effect works. If we don’t learn to control our thoughts, all kinds of negative suggestions cab take root in our minds. Things like your ugly, your stupid, nobody likes you, these can be powerful suggestions on people, and some people are more susceptible than others to taking these negative thoughts from the things other people say to heart.

That’s why people need to be mindful of what they say to others, as words and thoughts have power in this regard. Not magical powers, but just power to lodge in peoples minds as damaging thoughts. I have no idea why someone giving a priesthood blessing would include negative statements. The power you gave these ideas by your belief in the priesthood power and the seriousness with which you took the experience really lodged these thoughts in your mind, like negative programming. There is no truth to the statements, but they have certainly caused you to worry and obsess over them. That is unhealthy. Your priesthood blessing blessed you into a worry wart because of what was said to you. Shame on that person for doing that to you, the statements should have only been positive, or should have never been said at all.

The best thing I could suggest would be to learn to stop negative thinking by just refusing to allow your mind to go there. Meditation, like certain yoga’s and breathing meditations can be geared toward eliminating negative thinking, mostly by teaching people to control their thought processes so they can just stop allowing their mind to think negatively, or to stop negative thoughts when they crop up. Maybe you could look into something like that to train your mind to have more control over where your thoughts wander to.

The main thing to remember is, what the priesthood blessing told you is not real. It’s just something someone said to you off the top of their head. People who mess with those sorts of suggestion should never say something negative to a person. It is only made ‘real’ because you give it power in your own mind to have power, and now you worry and worry and worry about it. Just let it go, it wasn’t the truth. Beyond that, you need to control your wandering thoughts and learn to steer them to something positive. It’s much better to program yourself with positive thoughts than with negative ones.

I hope this gives you something better to ponder than horrible things. You can get a handle on this if you try.

My PB was crazy. I did my best to make it all happen, but life has a way of taking its own course.

I was out of the church for a long time. When I went back I requested a 2nd blessing, and got it. It was so bland it could have been given to a dead person.

Over 62 years I am living proof that PB are a load of BS. I'm a bit pissed about the time, energy and emotional stress that the stupid thing caused in my life. The predictions weren't even possible.

Those things are nothing more than an attempt to control and manipulate young people before they start making important decisions in life. It's beyond disgusting that the church pretends like they can predict your future. Even worse, if it doesn't all come true, its all your fault. That's just criminal.

You're not alone. My PB specified directly that I'd be married in the temple and have great joy in my wife and children. I would raise up a righteous posterity in mortality. FACT: WRONG - I'm single and don't want to marry or have kids.

I was a 100 percenter growing up. A high achiever. I was singled out at age 15 by the stake president in a stake conference. I was his poster child for someone who "pursued excellence." I was highly talented and gifted. The PB said many would come to the waters of baptism because of my talents. FACT: So far, ZERO.

I was given the PB one week before leaving on my mission - foreign language. I was blessed to love my mission and speak the language fluently. It didn't happen. I struggled the entire time and hated much of my mission.

I was told I'd lead and preside over the quorums of the church and excel in leadership positions. FACT: I was NEVER called to any leadership position.

I was told I'd speak easily in talks and would have a powerful testimony. FACT: I haven't been asked to speak in church since the day I came home from my mission (35 years ago).

In my last church calling I tested my PB. It is very specific what I should do in a calling. After 3 months, I resigned from the position and told God I KNOW MY PB is bull crap. I walked out the door of church and haven't been back. I gave TSCC 50+ years of my life and was a TBM diehard.

I googled "how to remove your name from the LDS Church" a few years ago. It took me to the exmormon resignation page. I didn't know you could resign. I clicked the link to read samples of resignation letters. Then I clicked on the RFM board. I read about church history matters that I have never heard about and weeks later my trek out of TSCC was a swift one way journey.

I've never looked back and thought that I have made a mistake. It was TSCC that failed me. It lied about its history. My PB was just words from an old guy that had known me for several years and just "guessed" what he thought I'd turn out to be.

So, Laxy -- don't let your PB control your mind. Let it go. We are taught in the church that it is a road map for us to follow in mortality. It's not. I proved mine to be false.

Be kind to yourself. DO NOT FEAR. DO NOT let TSCC make you feel less worthy or guilty for anything.

I came out of TSCC with my dad who is 80+ years old and has been a stalwart TBM all his life. He now KNOWS TSCC is not true too! It's hard at first to see your perception of life (as taught by TSCC) disappear. But, everyday it gets easier.

Here's a story about how my dad left: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1332633,1332661#msg-1332661

Mine led me to believe that I'd have to fight off rapists, or die trying. And that men were going to be out destroy my virtue. That created a lot of fear for my safety and suspicion of men.

What a crappy, and somewhat perverted thing to tell a kid (I was 12 and not even close to puberty when I got my PB).

Either it wasn't inspired, or I wasn't living righteous enough for that part of my blessing to be fulfilled <sarcasm alert>. I was never attacked by a stranger and no womanizers ever tried to deflower me. So for years and years I was paranoid, all for nothing.

I think I should add, that the idea of guarding your virtue with your life was very popular at the time I got my blessing, because Spencer W. Kimball was the prophet, and that idea was in his book The Miracle of Forgiveness.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/15/2015 01:14AM by imaworkinonit.

My first one told me that i'd marry a RM and my little family would be so righteous we'd be raised into the heavens together.

That was a terrifying thought. I wondered if I was going to die in a car accident with my spouse and kids.

Turns out, I married an RM. He couldn't keep his pants on to save his life. I divorced him 24 months later. We didn't have any kids.

There were no more RM's in my life. I'm married to a guy who was raised Lutheran. We didn't have any kids together.

The mormon church lies to you from the day you're born until the day you die. May they all rot in hell.

The first mistake is believe there is anything spiritual about it, or that it actually pertains to you personally Just a bunch of platitudes meant to satisfy their position IMHO.

Ron Burr

It is all fake hogwash. Toss it and forget it.

Let's see, mine has these gems.

"Much is expected of thee, some of which shall not always be easy for thee to accomplish, for it shall require that you soberly dedicate and re-dedicate thyself to the cause of righteousness many times during mortality…"

[Grind away. Keep your shoulder to the wheel. Put on your blinders and don't ask questions.]

"…and that you rather isolate thyself and thy loved ones from the more carnal friendships of the earth."

[Stay in the bubble. The outside world is evil.]

"Go out of thy way to choose thy close friends from among the more worthy members of the Church, that you may gain from each others' spiritual strength."

[Don't associate with outsiders, or even with 'less worthy' church members, so you can reinforce each other's cult mentality. Remain in the echo chamber.]

"Cling steadfastly to the gospel of Jesus Christ, for it is a sure source of strength unto thee, for there are many about thee which would readily destroy thee."

[Say what? *Many* people want to destroy me? Be afraid… be very afraid.]

The issue with PB's for most is that anything resembling a hit is taken as evidence, if not direct proof, of the truthfulness of the church; the misses, and there always are, are explained away by the recipient's lack of faith or unworthiness. And it's always "after all we can do" and we've never done enough. Heads the church wins, tails you lose.

The fake Bible talk is enough to make thee cringe, and then roll on the floor in loud laughter.

I guess this is the ticket. Translate them all into the vernacular, carefully transferring the meaning with it. It would produce a whole new document. If I knew where mine was, I'd do it and post it.

I remember a baby blessing where the father stated that the baby would be willing to suffer even as Jesus did. The mother was upset about it.

My PB was a big reason I struggled after falling in love. It explicitly told me to "resolve to be married in the temple, and accept no matrimonial engagement except that which can be made in the House of the Lord." (barf)

At 17, I was like "say what? Why would he even need to warn me about that? I'm all about the temple." (barf)

OHHH it's because men who will actually respect and love me and not treat me like a "helpmeet" will wanna get with me.

I lost my resolve, and felt like I had 'invalidated' my blessing. Null and void! Got any Plan B for me there, God?

A sibling's PB says she would raise sons and daughters. She's had several boys and 1 girl. After the latest boy, she seemed to be finished birthing. But someone reminded me that her blessing indicated there would be plural daughters.

Sibling is pregnant again with #too many to count. The baby is a girl. Has she fulfilled her PB blessing now? We hope so!!

While I was still TBM, this sibling and I talked generally about our PBs with each other. We knew enough to know both blessings indicated that we would raise our kids during the millenium. This idea made my sister sincerely think that the 2nd coming was imminent, since she already had toddlers by then. She is still the sibling most prone to believe the world is evil and going down the drain. She is a huge Rush/Beck fan.

Too many people look at their PBs with the idea of finding hidden, mystical meanings behind the vagueness.
Examples- crookedletter's sister had to have more kids because the PB said daugthers (plural). Madalice afraid of dying in a car crash because it said her family would be raised to heaven together.

Your daily horoscope in today's newspaper is just as applicable as a PB.

The patriarchal blessing is nothing more than a Mormon horoscope.

There was a statement about people who would come into my life and try to get me to participate in things that were not good for me--something to that effect. So I went to work at Thiokol. No good mormon girl worked there, but I did. I met a lot of really wonderful nonmormons, at least 5 of whom I became very, very close to. One of them is now my long-term boyfriend. I met him at age 20. I'm 58 now. We got back together 10 years ago. I wouldn't marry him at age 20 because he was one of those sent to bring me down. So I held out for that TM and RM. When the mormon guy that actually showed real interest in me at age 25, found out he was gay. Wrap your head around that one. And the leaders told me it was my job to save him.

I followed that damn thing for all the major decisions in my life. I reread it a few years ago and threw it out. My TBM daughter retrieved it. It really made me upset to reread it.

There was one statement in there that talked about me being found in holy places serving the lord and that I would not be called upon to suffer "unduly" at any time. Hell, I suffered. Obviously, I wasn't righteous enough.

Following the church, PB, etc., nearly destroyed me. I still have friends and family say to me "but you did it all right and look what happened to you." My life has gone along much better since I lost my beliefs.

In the movie, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, the mantra is
"Be Excellent to Each Other."

That's our family's new Matriarchal Blessing, and anyone who wants to read it can.

P.S. Torturednevermo, your advice to all of us is "excellent"!

:)

That was one of the first signs, among many, that this was a sham. I was"blessed" with leadership qualities both at work and in the TSCC. Being a brainwashed TBM, I looked forward to the fast climb up the ladder-one day I could be a GA!(my SP was temporarily in the early 90's.)I would have a stalwart wife and family and live a blessed existence.
However. Never once did I get past EQP. And, no one told me I should educate myself to be a captain of industry. Silly me, I began employment in the medical ancillary field and was effectively shut out. (My BIL, was a ward clerk as an electrician. He started his own (successful) business and ta dah! High councilman and bishopric.
Oh, my wife died eight years ago from cancer, my children are less than stalwart, I was diagnosed with brain cancer. When I questioned why the same tired response occurred: maybe not in this life.This should be part of the legal disclaimer on the bottom of the blessing.
BTW, nothing was said about my wife's imminent suffering/death in her PB either.

This is the first time I have heard about a TRUE prophecy in a PB. I believe the negatives the patriarch was talking about is the Mormon Church. Run, don't walk to the nearest exit, relax and have a good life. In the name of cheese and crackers, Amen.