Our next door neighbors are a retired couple with adult children and many grandchildren. I'll call them Larry and Helen. When we moved next to them nearly a decade ago, Larry was a counselor in the bishopric. We were told by his daughter that he'd been inactive for a long time, and that he'd recently made some big changes in his life and decided to go back to church. The biggest change was that he'd stopped drinking after being quite a heavy drinker for many years. They were all very happy and proud of him. However, about a year ago this same daughter told us that he actually still drinks sometimes, but she didn't make it sound like it was a big issue (as a side note, we have not been to church in many years but they remain active).

Six months ago, there was a police car in front of their house. We saw Larry walk out with a cop on each side of him. He was placed in the back seat of the cruiser and they drove away. My husband is friends with Larry and Helen's son (we'll call him Rob), who has lived with them on and off over the years. After we saw Larry being taken away by the police, he texted Rob to see if everything was okay. Rob said that that Larry had been drinking, and that he'd hit a car in a parking lot and left the scene. Someone saw this happen and called the police with Larry's license plate number. Rob said it was probably going to be a DUI.

We didn't hear anything else from Rob about it after that, and didn't feel it was our place to ask any more questions. We didn't see Larry for a couple of weeks afterwards.

When we did see him again, he was driving his car like nothing had happened. I thought people's licenses get revoked when they get a DUI? This perplexed me, so I went to the website Utah's Right to Know to see if he'd actually gotten one, but there was nothing under his name. It should also be noted that a month or so after this happened, my husband saw him at the liquor store buying 1/5 of some type of hard liquor.

The reason for this post is that something happened today that has me extremely concerned. I was in my front yard doing yard work, and Larry came out and chatted with me for a couple minutes. There was nothing unusual about his behavior at that time. He returned about 30-40 minutes later, and I was still in the front yard working. He parked in his driveway and got out of the car. I glanced over at him, and he was leaning against the car with his arms up a little bit, his head resting against his hands. He was also swaying, like it was difficult to balance himself. He stopped swaying, and stood still for a minute, then started swaying again. He did this for about 2 minutes, alternating between swaying and standing still. It was very odd, and he didn't seemed to be concerned or even aware that I was watching him. He then grabbed the side view mirror to steady himself, and took a few wobbly, unbalanced steps. He stopped to steady himself again, looked around with a very out-of-it expression on his face, and walked into his garage unsteadily until I could no longer see him.

My impression after seeing this is that he acted and looked drunk. In fact, he seemed pretty wasted. There's a possibility that he was feeling ill for some some reason, but I know what a drunk person looks like. Also, given his history and the fact that he seemed absolutely fine when I spoke to him 30 minutes prior, my best guess is that he'd made a visit to the liquor store.

About 20 minutes after he staggered into his house, Rob's 6-year-old son walked out with his backpack on (Rob and his family are living with them right now). One minute later, Larry followed him out. He had sunglasses on and was chewing gum, and seemed to find his balance a lot easier than he'd been able to only 20 minutes earlier. They got in his car, and off they went. I'm assuming he took him to the neighborhood school, because he returned 5 minutes later. This time he pulled into his garage and shut the door so I couldn't see him get out.

My son plays outside quite a bit, riding his bike and what not, as do the other kids who live on our cul-de-sac. Larry drives frequently, often leaving his house and returning shortly thereafter a couple times a day, much like he did this morning. It's VERY alarming to me to think he may be driving drunk regularly.

So now, we're trying to decide what to do. If he's drinking and driving, not only is he endangering our son and the other kids on our street, and everyone else on the roads, he's also putting his own grandkids in danger if he drives them places when he's drunk. I also wonder how the hell did he didn't get a DUI with the incident 6 months ago, or if he did, why it's not listed on Utah's Right to Know? Is there any other way I can find out if he got a DUI?

At this point, we're thinking the best thing to do is to tell Rob what we saw, because we'd want to know about that type of erratic behavior of anyone driving our child around. Do they know if he's drinking again? If so, how can they seem to be okay with him driving regularly? We feel like something needs to be done, but we're not quite sure what it should be or how to go about it.

If you were me, how would you feel about what I saw and knowing what I know? What would you do?

My guess is that he got out of the DUI because he went in his house. An attorney would claim he drank after the collision when he went in the house. Charges were probably dropped.

Be careful when considering turning him in for a DUI. You have to live next to him. Discuss the problem with his son.

He wouldn't listen to reason. He said he only drove roads he knew well. The problem was he couldn't see well enough to see a child or animal a few yards away.

I had to call DMV and they called him in for an eye test and pulled his license. They said they'd impound his vehicle if he drove it again. No one said I had to tell them my name. That's optional.

Ratting him out is not likely to be as effective as you'd like it to be. If he were to walk out of the house drunk as a skunk, talk to you for a couple of minutes so you could be absolutely certain, and then get in his car and drive away, the only way to be absolutely certain that he'd be apprehended would be to follow him and call your local police and vector in a car to pull him over. If you could work that out, then he'd never know it was you...

Calling your local police after he left, you could tell them of your suspicion, but would they find him? Would they even bother to look for him? And how close are you to a highway, which would take him out of a small town pretty quickly...

You could confront him, in the friendliest way possible to let him know that you don't think he should be drinking and driving, but that's not likely to work...

I don't suppose telling his home teachers would be all that effective, even though this would be a wonderful way for them to show how much they love Larry and his family.

You, sir, have a tough row to hoe here...

I think in some states you have a legal obligton to report child endangerment. Unless you're certain Rob won't tell Larry that you are his source..Consider an annonymous tip to child services before becoming the focus of his drunken wrath or a neighbor war. (just an option)

BTW, Where is Helen when he's trying to kill the grandkids?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/01/2015 01:33AM by iplayedjoe.

You should never let your child ride with him, ever. They need to ride bikes at a school or bike trail; the guy is loaded. Alcoholics are usually pretty good at hiding their behavior but sometimes hit curbs, misjudge driveways...

If you are quite sure he's been drinking, you can do an anonymous tip/location of the liquor store/plate #. Some people don't get help unless forced into treatment. Good luck.

Not to the son, but to the Department of Motor Vehicles or the police.

I agree with the poster who recommends talking to the son. You can sweeten the pill by saying the 'swooning' by the car may have something to do with heart trouble (postural hypotension: getting dizzy standing up) and you wouldn't want him to have an attack whilst driving a small child. This way you are not accusing in any way so can keep the 'neighbourly' friendliness going and be a concerned neighbour without being a busybody.

Is there an anonymous phone number where you can inform the police of a drink driver? we have them in the UK and the registration plate gets flagged up to patrol officers and the vehicle can be located by cctv on the roads, watched and pulled over for checks if necessary.

No need to call a certain number.

It could be untreated diabetes.

Someone I knew was drinking a lot. Apparently this was because the alcohol was, said his MD, keeping his blood sugar under some sort of control.

Being unable to walk and then 20 minutes later appearing able to drive was something that happened to my friend. He probably had a snack which would have brought his low blood sugar to a better level.

This might be why he wasn't arrested for the accident.

Alcoholic or diabetes he really shouldn't be driving untreated.

I wouldn't count on his son or other family members to stop your neighbor from driving. Instead, I would closely supervise your children whenever they are in front of the house or on the street. As another board member suggested, you might consider finding other places for your kids to ride their bikes such as public parks or trails.

Your neighbor sounds like he might be a "functional drunk," meaning that he can give the appearance of being sober while in reality being quite out of it. And as Matt pointed out, there might be other medical issues at work as well.

Before you call anyone - get a throw away cell phone with prepaid minutes on it to make the call. 911 has the phone number of those who call and this type of phone won't have you name and address information associated with it.

Then call the cops every time you think he has been drinking and you see him driving. Call child protection if the kid gets in the vehicle when you think the old guy is driving under the influence.

Use the throw away phone for the calls and after a few calls - throw it away and get another cheap throw away for calls. This will help keep you anonymous while doing everyone a favor.

Well, you're essentially talking about my father. He spent his last decade in life drinking heavily and driving not only under the influence, but drunk. he was arrested numerous times, once for hit and run. He was jailed twice for several months and lost his license to drive, but continued to drive anyway. People confronted him constantly and called the police because they were worried for their children. He died from a stroke and was drunk when he died. the point is, you DO have to confront his family and tell them to rein him in or you will have to report him for endangering his grand children and other neighborhood kids. It won't be easy, and might destroy your relationship with your neighbors. One thing for sure is that it will not stop him. But if he kills or injures someone, you will always be able to say that you did your part. Safety is paramount.

This elephant may end up in your front yard.

Your concern that he may kill your or an other child far outweighs concern over upsetting the neighbors' feelings.

While "treating" diabetes with alcohol is a new one to me (MDs would recommend orange juice), it's possible there is a medical condition, though given the alcohol purchase and other behaviors, it doesn't seem likely.

You don't have to be nasty to the neighbors, but you do need to report and be vigilant. This is one that could lead to lifetime regrets. I would also alert other parents to the hazard, so they have an opportunity to protect their children. They may have suspicions, but not be privy to all you've seen and heard. It's not your job to physically stop him, but would you care how they felt about you if he kills a kid?

When someone behaves so irresponsibly, he ceases to be a neighbor, and becomes a threat. Nothing trumps your child's safety. You can't control his behavior, but you can objectively reorder your priorities.

You may also need to stop the bike-riding, or take it to a park, until he's contained.

It's unrealistic to think that his family can rein him in.

It is and it isn't unrealistic. If they can't do it, a neighbor can't do it either. But it is first and foremost the family's responsibility to try to intervene, not the neighbor's. But if a neighbor feels threatened by it the neighbor has to speak up and possibly even call the police. Nothing ended up helping my dad but he was off the streets for months at a time, drying out in county jail. He died while living in a halfway house, no access to a car.

I'm sorry for what you went through with your father. Alcoholism is an awful disease, and it's sad to see someone so powerless against it.

I very much appreciate yours and everyone else's advice...thank you all for taking the time to respond. We will talk to his son, and see where it goes from there. I also have no problem calling the police if I feel he's been drinking, and I'll be watching him very closely. I am extremely adamant about doing whatever I need to do to keep my child, his grandchildren, and the other children on our street safe.

He could have had an attack of vertigo. Be careful jumping to conclusions because he was seen buying liquor a few months ago.
Vertigo would explain him seeming out of it and then fine twenty minutes later.

I had severe attacks of vertigo for a while after having a stroke. It would have been criminally irresponsible of me to try to drive during that time. I didn't drive myself until I had been attack-free for six months.

Instead of DMV I would call CPS. Protect the child, since he isn't.

My state has an "Immediate Hazard Driver Removal" law; see if your state has one. This is mostly used by family members and doctors to suspend, immediately, a problem driver's license. Typical reasons are impairment because of age, disability, irresponsibility, and alcohol. But anybody can invoke it, including an observant (or harassing) neighbor.

Then (in my state) an officer must file a report, and it is then reviewed by his commanding officer and the DMV. The subject of the "Immediate Hazard" will then go to the DMV for a hearing, at which point his license may be reinstated, or not.

Share this information with Paul. Ask Paul how he would feel if Larry had an accident and HIS son, or some other child, was injured.

"Paul, which would be the greater pain: doing something about Larry's drunk driving NOW, or dealing with the injuries of some child, such as your son? Courage is not just a Marine taking out a machine gun nest or a fireman going into a blazing building. It is also an average guy making a very painful moral decision."

Last thought: It may be chasing the wind but you could talk to his bishop about this.

It doesn't matter if he's drinking, has vertigo, or diabetes: He is responsible for maintaining control of his vehicle at all times. If he crashes and/or injures or kills someone, he WILL be held responsible to some degree or another (at least ideally.)

I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but I would be concerned and very worried in your shoes. People have a hard enough time driving responsibly in the best of health.

Itz: Someone who was almost hit by a car while walking the chiweenies yesterday and then nearly hit in her Jeep while pulling into a parking lot yesterday.

Can AlAnon 888-425-2666
No one has been in the same place as people who live with alcoholics

It takes a while for the test results to come back: there is often several months lag between an accident and a charge, even when the person remains at the scene. In this case, they may not have been able to prove he was the driver. Did you check for traffic violations?

If I had regular contact with Rob, I'd tell him what I saw and ask him how he and his family would hope I would handle it if it were to happen again. Jut what you saw, not what you suspect.

But I wonder whether it isn't a medical problem if whatever he does can resolve it in 20 minutes.

I'm just wondering how plowed he could get in a 30 minute time frame. Can he go from sober to stumbling that fast? My major concern with the description was health issues, lightheaded when standing up too fast, or difficulty balancing, which, with the addition of alcohol, maybe even not that much, contributed to such extreme behavior. Perhaps he would still be within the legal limit on paper, but still a danger when adding alcohol to existing medical health issues which caused such staggering and balance problems. I think if I were going to approach the son, I would focus on the health concerns more than the drinking concerns. Even if he hadn't had a drop of alcohol, that level of imbalance and staggering seems like a danger behind the wheel.