Today, the bishop, stake president, and membership department received my exit letter.

A little bit of background, I used to say that I didn't want to hurt my TBM wife by removing my name because I knew it would probably be a fatal blow to my marriage. Well, guess what? I found out that my 17 year old TBM son submitted his mission papers a couple of weeks ago and is awaiting his "call." Neither my son nor wife bothered to tell me he was submitting his papers.

I had assumed he would go after he turned 18, but apparently TSCC likes to get them younger and younger. So, probably within a week of his 18 BD (in a couple of months)— away he goes.

I love my son, but hate the deception in my marriage. But all is fair when following the dictates of the cult. Isn't it? The Boner.

Congrats on the exit and best wishes on the rest!

It's okay when they do deceptive things behind your back..."Because it's for a righteous purpose and eternal salvation." But hell and damnation will reign if you do something similar for your own piece of mind. I hope somehow they see the "light" (bulb) and realize that family comes before religion.

Exactly!!
There is definitely an attitude of "you respect me, but I don't have to respect you."

It really sucks!

Congrats to the Boner!!!!

Man, that's way ballsy! It's a darn shame that where the church is involved, doing normal, rational things requires cojones. I wish you the best possible outcome.

I don't know if you can manage it, but here are two threads from another exmo site with interesting information about the mission experience, stuff he's not likely heard:

"Best Apostate Mission Moments"
http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/discussions/viewthread/18763/

"Mission Presidents from Hell"
http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/discussions/viewthread/26983/

"I was really lucky in that both my MPs were actually mature kind souls. I enjoyed my mission and even as an ex-mo I still look back with fond memories. I have one story about two missionaries who decided to go to Singapore from Port Headland Western Australia. They falsified their stats and told their landlady to send one letter a week to the Mission Office. They took of for Singapore and while they were gone the landlady heard there was going to be a postal strike. She mailed both letters at once and of course the missionaries were busted. Still, they weren't sent home. The only people sent home in my tenure were those caught having sex. The humiliation of being "sent home" should be reserved for only the most agregious behavior. The MPs who sent people home in mass sentenced them to a life-long failure experience. Its cruel and they shouldn't do it."


I read this on a thread from the postmormon site you moderate. I've heard the exact same story expect with a group of missionaries in Europe. I think it was in a talk in church maybe.

Woot!! (on being out)
Whoa!! (on the wife and kid)

;o)

I know it doesn't make it better, but my daughter went back to being TBM about 10 years ago. I just had the sneaking suspicion that she was going to go on a mission. Come to find out, she had even told her dad and didn't tell me. The bishop even told her, "I would bet your mother figures it out." I asked my ex one day about it and he said, "How did you know?"

She ended up not going. Maybe it would have been a deal breaker for her having been inactive and anti from age 10 to 20.

Resigning is one of the best choices I've ever made.

Congrats Boner!

Congrats, pal on telling the cult to pound sand. As for your wife and son keeping that from you...well, that's just lowdown and dirty pool...not to mention, immensely disrespectful. You are the courageous one here. Hang in there, buddy...I'm pullin' fer yah!

Ron Burr

Congrats! Feel proud of yourself for standing up for truth in a swamp of deceit.

Does your son actually believe, or he wants to please his mom/get a hotter wife upon return?

Sorry you're dealing with all of this stress. Good luck, on your path, however you choose to proceed.

Congratulations Boner - and keep the posts coming - I'm really looking forward to the thread about the Mormon position on farting :-D

Tom in Paris

Boner,

hopefully the mission will be the wakeup moment for your son. He'll meet people that will make him realise that most people think Mormon thinking is baseless nonsense.

He might just come home and join us on here as Bonerjnr.

Sorry about the deception and about your son. Good luck with that.

Congratulations on your resignation. Does your son expect you to pay for his mission? Funny how that works.

Good for you. It is good to read a forum member standing up for what they believe to be right, despite the potential fall out from a TBM spouse.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/15/2015 08:07AM by scotslander.

Best wishes to you!

And your family. There's still plenty of time to see plenty of surprises. Keep us posted.

Well it's about time you manned up and grew a pair.

Congratulations big guy.

Thank you all! I needed the support. I know it's just really symbolic as I left about 25 years ago, but I didn't expect to feel anxious about a clerical note. In the words from a song from Chorus Line, "and I dug right get down to the bottom of my soul, and I cried, because I felt nothing." The Boner.

I think you should have a talk with him and tell him that if he ever feels unsafe, or needs medical attention, not to ask for permission from the mission office, but to seek help. And if he ever regrets his decision to go, that you'll be there for him.

Congratulations on finally taking this step to live your truth!

HIP HIP HURRAY hiphiphurray Hip Hip Hurray

About son-wife/ phamily :( at the moment. Tomorrow :) maybe.

TMC will screw up a wet dream.
Talk about "outercoarse"!

Too bad Mormonism leads to lies (about what is TRUE and what is NOT), omissions (of facts and facets of life, including hONEsty, [it capitalized it, I didn't], integrity and morality), cover-ups and hidden meanings and agendas, abandonment of otherwise personal principles, neglect of the things you love most or hold dearest, forgetfulness of the importance of the eternal moment (for the "chance" [talk about gambling] at a "future" - after DEATH, or course... live happily after ever, which is a little too late to LIVE - in the "now"), ignorant, homogeneous and practically useless group-think, false-promises and innuendos, fables, myths and superstitions, conspiracy theories (of outer-darkness, temporary squares and gold and green balls) and HYPE.

The BBC _BIG BAD CHURCH_ doesn't believe in, practice teach or allow (most) families communication,

Unconditional love, trust, honor,
Unending delight and supernatural bliss

Lead a FHE - prepare well, but act like you threw it together. Church trivia - with DW, quiz son (to prepare him); see what he knows. Have a computer-books-INsign to look up answers. Just a thought (torture? maybe that's just what they want).

If you don't plant seeds today they won't grow tomorrow.

All you can do is try.

I wish you luck.

M@that

HIP HIP HURRAY hiphiphurray Hip Hip Hurray

About son-wife/ phamily :( at the moment. Tomorrow :) maybe.

TMC will screw up a wet dream.
Talk about "outercoarse"!

Too bad Mormonism leads to lies (about what is TRUE and what is NOT), omissions (of facts and facets of life, including hONEsty, [it capitalized it, I didn't], integrity and morality), cover-ups and hidden meanings and agendas, abandonment of otherwise personal principles, neglect of the things you love most or hold dearest, forgetfulness of the importance of the eternal moment (for the "chance" [talk about gambling] at a "future" - after DEATH, or course... live happily after ever, which is a little too late to LIVE - in the "now"), ignorant, homogeneous and practically useless group-think, false-promises and innuendos, fables, myths and superstitions, conspiracy theories (of outer-darkness, temporary squares and gold and green balls) and HYPE.

The BBC _BIG BAD CHURCH_ doesn't believe in, practice teach or allow (most) families communication,

Unconditional love, trust, honor,
Unending delight and supernatural bliss

Lead a FHE - prepare well, but act like you threw it together. Church trivia - with DW, quiz son (to prepare him); see what he knows. Have a computer-books-INsign to look up answers. Just a thought (torture? maybe that's just what they want).

If you don't plant seeds today they won't grow tomorrow.

All you can do is try.

I wish you luck.

M@th

HIP HIP HURRAY hiphiphurray Hip Hip Hurray

About son-wife/ phamily :( at the moment. Tomorrow :) maybe.

TMC will screw up a wet dream.
Talk about "outercoarse"!

Too bad Mormonism leads to lies (about what is TRUE and what is NOT), omissions (of facts and facets of life, including hONEsty, [it capitalized it, I didn't], integrity and morality), cover-ups and hidden meanings and agendas, abandonment of otherwise personal principles, neglect of the things you love most or hold dearest, forgetfulness of the importance of the eternal moment (for the "chance" [talk about gambling] at a "future" - after DEATH, or course... live happily after ever, which is a little too late to LIVE - in the "now"), ignorant, homogeneous and practically useless group-think, false-promises and innuendos, fables, myths and superstitions, conspiracy theories (of outer-darkness, temporary squares and gold and green balls) and HYPE.

The BBC _BIG BAD CHURCH_ doesn't believe in, practice teach or allow (most) families communication,

Unconditional love, trust, honor,
Unending delight and supernatural bliss

Lead a FHE - prepare well, but act like you threw it together. Church trivia - with DW, quiz son (to prepare him); see what he knows. Have a computer-books-INsign to look up answers. Just a thought (torture? maybe that's just what they want).

If you don't plant seeds today they won't grow tomorrow.

All you can do is try.

I wish you luck.

M@t

To be clear.

Your wife knew your son was going to submite papers for a mission.

Your son knew he was foing to submit papers for a mission.

Your wife and your son talked about submitting papers for a mission.

You did not know your son was going to submit papers for a Mormon mission.

Did your wife and son talk about whether or not you should be be consulted about his submitting his papers for a mission?

Congratulations on your exit!! I am SO sorry things are so fraught at home and that there are obvious secrets being kept from you. I wish you all the VERY best at sorting it all out.

Do our wife and son know just how upset you are by their deception? I am wondering if it is time to make that VERY clear? Let them know that you may not be active, BUT that does not mean you are not a husband and a father and you resent the implication that you would stop him from doing something he really wanted to do.

That must have been a REAL kick in the teeth, BOner I am really sorry.

Congrats man! Good luck with the wife and son thing, that's rough.

Congrats on the authentic step.

I love your posts, Boner, and I want to ask this next question with that understanding because I have been in a similar situation:

Is it possible that you have made this mission topic off-limits or unsafe in some way in the past so that they felt like they were better off going behind your back?

Bravo for honoring yourself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think thats wonderful.