What do you get when you cross the following:

General Conference, poop (B.S.), podium (lectern) and an apostle (especially Dallin Oaks)

A "pulpootizer" or a "poopnotic trance" or "bullshittypulpit"

Or what do you call the stand-dais? The poop deck.

What do you call it when Jeffrey Holland takes a "stab" at non-believers and skeptics during his evangelical tirades during conference?

Jowlsting (combining his flapping jowls with the false bravado of a knight dressed in his holy temple whites charing head long into spiritual battle mounted upon a tapir.)

Why does Dallin Oaks give Daniel Peterson brain cramps? Because Oaks is an anti-apologist refusing to apologize for the past wrongs of the LDS Church.

What terms combine both laughter and nausea when sustaining the First Presidency as prophets, seers and revelators during General Conference? The Three Stooges and The Three Stodges.

Related description of the companionship of Boyd Packer and Dallin Oaks: Stoogey and Stodgie or maybe The Smothers Brothers.

What do you call the new department at BYU that combines the study of Scientology and Mormonism and honors the lives of L. Ron Hubbard and Joseph Smith? Why-ontology or Y-ontology or WTF-ism.

What department does Scientology and Mormonism have in common that claims public access to it's bottom line? The Auditing Department.

Can you add amy more nutrients to my growing brain tumor/stupor of Mormon thought?

Mormon trinity: Fodder, Shun and Wholly Gauche

Mirth defect: Congenital Authorities

The dark knight's sidekick: Boyd Wonder

The quorum: Solemn Dissembly

A meeting of parts: Genital Confluence

So why does the conf center organ have dozens of pipes which produce no sound that is audible to the human ear?

Are they playing to our poochies or is there something more sinister in the air?

BTW Don, I've personally missed way too many Genital Confluences.

apologize in advance to the PC police

Why are crows black? They wouldn't help the seagulls with the crickets.

Them crows wuz shifless and lazy.

Fence sitters all of em.

The one time I really enjoyed attending General Conference was in the late fifties when the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang their hit song "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" which was higher on the charts than Elvis! The sound in the tabernacle was unbelievable.

I can't even begin to describe how moved I was. After that, the Mormon church was definitely downhill. I've never had that same feeling since - not even on my mission.

cricket Wrote:
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> What do you call it when Jeffrey Holland takes a
> "stab" at non-believers and skeptics during his
> evangelical tirades during conference?

It is called: "Holland's holiness!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CiyrZd-kB0

Holland should be required to personally model it , since how it is so holy and Holland is so holy, and Holland is such a stalwart advocate of it. Just as anybody who takes on the title of special witness of Christ and latter day apostle should spend some time nailed on a cross so they have some real personal background relative to Jesus' sacrifice/ travail.