I haven't attended church but for a few times in the last couple years. Convert of 45 years, married in the temple (41+Years) 6 children, fullfled countless callings...today DH says he wants a divorce. He's found himself a worthy single sister while doing his HP visiting duties. Apparently she calls him for every little need. And kisses him on the mouth for a great big thank you. I'm devastated and shocked. And that is all I'm able to relate at this time.
Been lurking for a couple years and I have so much appreciated comments of help, support, and love extended to those in need...suzieQ#1 gave me hope that I could keep it together with a TBM husband. Guess not.

That would be a devastating blow for anyone. After so many years of marriage, I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry. (((hug)))



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/30/2015 06:56AM by inmoland.

whawha Wrote:
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> He's found himself a worthy
> single sister while doing his HP visiting duties.

Worthy of WHAT? God I hate that word! You ARE worthy of respect and love. What a jerk!!

I'm really hoping you have a close relationship with your adult children and that they can provide support to you during this difficult time.

Tragic. Some days I really hate the Mormon church.

She kisses a married man on the mouth and she's worthy?!

I'm so sorry that you've been blind-sided by this. If he wasn't happy, he should have said something a long time ago. Doing it this way was totally not fair at all.

It is shocking. This is a form of adultery and certainly abandonment, both of which are conduct a person can can be disciplined for in Mormonism. You should go to the bishop and at least report it. It is possible, however, that the bishop already knows about DH's behavior and possibly even approves or has been guilty of encouraging it. Still, you owe yourself the complaint. Get a good lawyer and stress abandonment. You might be able to get his whole retirement, and then see how the new worthy lady likes having an old man who can't support her.

He isn't "worthy" anymore. This happened while he was fulfilling his priesthood responsibilities? He doesn't deserve to be a member in good standing. He ought to be dis-fellowshipped or excommunicated for becoming intimate with a member he was responsible to look after and for what his behavior has done to your marriage.

Proclamation of the family? Mormonism splits up families every day. Home teaching has a whole new meaning... "Is there anything we can do for you?" "Hmmmm. I could use a new husband." So sorry your husband is falling for a "helpless" Cling-on. It seems polygamy is clearly still on the temple menu of Mormonism.

He will sooner or later realize he is making an enormous mistake, while you will realize you are better off without him. You will be able to live an authentic life without tip toeing around his ego and filtering everything you say.

Surround yourself with supportive family and friends to help you through this very tough time. Schedule a qualified non-Mormon therapist ASAP. You deserve better. You deserve to be happy. Check in here, any time you need encouragement.

((Better off without polygamy hugs))

To make his life miserable through the divorce.....
I realize it hurts now but You will be happier in the future.

Mormonism aside this sounds to me like the situation that many wives find themselves in. They give their husbands the best years of their lives, raise the children then find themselves dumped for a younger model to help feed a middle aged man's ego. This has happened to a couple of non-mo friends of mine.

He is just using the 'worthiness' as his excuse. When it comes to it you are the better person. Please accept my best wishes as you start to build a new life for yourself. I hope that your children have the sense to stand behind you.

No one has put it in these terms yet so I will.

Strip the situation of the delusional Mo jargon and what we have here is a single woman who decided to have an affair with a married man, and he decided to have an affair with her, and now he wants to dump his wife and marry her.

Regardless of how the good old boys package the thoughts (and they package in favor of the "worthiness" argument), in the real world--the ones with lawyers and courts--a divorce is a thing with settlements.

Lawyer up. Take him down.

out of the bank before any funny business happens there.

It is hard to believe it now, but you are better off without him.

I agree with Ishmael. Take him down.

Your husband is a lost soul.

It's going to be rough to get through what you're facing. But it's all worth it.

Being LDS didn't save him from himself.

Sorry to hear about your ordeal. May God bless you and comfort you through this heartbreak.

I am so sorry. Heartbreaking and devastating.

Get a good lawyer.

when he finds out how much splitting assets and taking on the responsibility of a new spouse home and (I bets she's needy financially) is really going to cost.

Cheaper to keep her, if you want him that is?

Just the same for me -- However you could kick up a **GOSPEL** ruckus by reporting your soon to be ex for fraternizing with a woman when he is still married to you.. To the Bishop -Stake President and a letter to Church headquarters ..

Best advice is to get a little hideaway place for yourself and expect no one to take your side.

Good luck !!
JB

I'm really sorry to hear about this. No one deserves that kind of treatment.

I would have a long talk with his Bishop/Stake President.

And I would have a long talk with your lawyer.

I am so sorry. Get a recommendation for the best divorce lawyer in your area. Once you hire that lawyer, he or she will be off limits to your husband,so time is of the essence. Also, gather and get copies of all financial documents -- bank statements, earnings statements, investments, mortgage, insurance, pension, 401K, Social Security, etc. Make your husband pay for all those years of marriage. You will be okay. But start acting in your own best interest. And don't leave the house unless your lawyer tells you to!

Ask yourself if you do love him and would like him to reconcile. Suppose he admitted to making a serious mistake and would like to work through his personal and your (plural) marriage issues and save the marriage? Your careful & honest consideration of this should determine how to proceed. It may be worth the pain and work.

I went through a situation like yours, and determined that I did love my spouse, and was willing to work through the hurt, shame, fears, misunderstandings etc. that lead up to my spouse's affair and our separation. We've been reconciled for three years now, and our relationship (especially intimacy!) is better than ever.

Part of your analysis is to consider how you contributed to the alienation. Your LDS inactivity or apostasy may have been a factor, but there's a good chance you were contributing to the matrimonial malaise more than you realize or want to admit. (I admitted that, but only after a while.) Only you can determine that.

If the marriage is kaput, then start educating yourself on how to prepare yourself legally, financially, and emotionally. I did during our separation, and knowing I had realistic options made my decision to pursue reconciliation more sincere. My spouse saw and appreciated that. I also "served notice" that I could handle divorce.

This will hurt your adult children more than people want to admit, even them. One thing which helped sway my spouse was an adult child who said (paraphrase): "Parent, don't think that if you go off with So-and-So you can pop in and out of my life, attend my graduation, my marriage, and play nothing's-really-changed grandparent. You want So-and-So? Then your cost is my part of the family."

Consider going "active" in the ward, even if you feel hypocritical. It nullifies the "unworthiness" rationalization, especially if this proceeds to divorce. You're the "wronged woman," the "injured party." Don't let the rest of the congregation lose sight of that. And sit next to DH, and frequently address him & refer to him as your HUSBAND. You're the WIFE--you have RIGHTS and PRIVILEGES. Assert them!

While doing all this introspection, and deciding if the marriage is something you both want to save, I'd still strongly recommend you get a lawyer in place to start the due diligence part of a possible divorce.

The lawyer will get you all the documents and details you need on the current financial position your marriage is now, which is essential for working out a fair division of assets in a divorce. It also stops your husband squirreling assets away to leave you high and dry.

Do not delay this step, you need the information just in case the marriage cannot be saved. You do not want to wait until you are 100% sure, and after any possible counselling, etc.

This type of things happens all the time in the Mormon church. HT's, seasoned (older) men are assigned young single adult women to Home Teach. She may see a sugar daddy or a meal ticket, or perhaps she is just intrigued that a male is paying so much attention. In the beginning he uses every righteous excuse to "help" her per his calling AND then she starts kissing him. That idiot church needs to stop HT'ing. I causes more marriage break ups then anything else. It's a stupid program and unnecessary. So sorry for your situaion. You didn't deserve that. Men have a hard time turning down young women who put the moves on them. Happens all the time love. He may change his mind - may take a year or two, but you can decide. I was in a ward where the Bishop had an affair with a young married woman with 7 children. It happens. Mormonism causes people to be in to close of proximity, emotionally, etc.

I'm so sorry, dear. We're all hear for you. *hug*

I'm sorry this man, his unworthy admirer, and his church are abusing you. How sad!

Oh, this ticks me off. I'm so sorry! Like other posters I'm calling BS on the worthiness argument! If he has fallen in love with another woman and acted on it, then he can "kiss" that hypocritical worthiness argument goodbye. I was divorced young when it was discovered that my husband was a pathological liar similar to Mark Hacking.

I had separated from him, moved three states away, filed papers, and still wore my wedding ring every single day until the divorce was final because I was still a married woman! I never so much as looked at another man during that time, even though I was attending college, as the good little Mormon I tried to be. So for him to fall in love with someone that he home teaches and then claim the moral high ground over you is disgusting!

Talk to the bishop and a good lawyer immediately! Ask the bishop what kind of program he's running that an unmarried woman and a married man can have repeated, church-sanctioned one-on-one contact? And why didn't the home teaching companion report anything to the bishop? Surely the companion must have seen some flirting if they're kissing behind closed doors.

Let us know if you need any other help during this painful process! Sending you lots of love and sympathy!

But don't home teachers come in two's? Like missionaries? Where was the HT companion in all these visits? Why wasn't the church properly supervising its HT program?

These HT visits were all official church assignments that the church obviously failed to supervise.

Lawyer up!

The minimal information you've given allows for an interpretation that your hubby knows that you are not 'worthy', compared to Sister Home Taught. If she's the gold digger many of us think she may be, she would have learned this, from seeing him at church without you, and then from his visits. And it's very likely that he was HT'ing her alone.

You can figure that she's going to try to get the ward to view this situation as two 'worthy' people vs. one 'unworthy' person, who has rejected baby Jesus...

There are all kinds of divorces; this one has a lot of potential to be ugly. Do everything you can to protect yourself. They may have been planning this for awhile, so you should do a bit of forensic accounting to make sure he hasn't transferred community property in an effort to hide it.

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be awful. I hope you will find strength in yourself, though, and know that you'll come out of this happier, one way or another.

In the meantime, part of me will be grieving with you, even though I don't know you. We all share in the grief the church contributes to. I hope you'll find plenty of support - legal, professional, and personal. You're worth more - way more - than the nonsense your husband just threw at you. Hang in there!

I'm so sorry.

Consult an attorney now. The fist visit is usually free.

He'll tell you what you need to know about divorcing.

Make copies of your financial statements.

All this might sound cold blooded but you need to know

what to do in case your hubby really wants out.

You might still be thinking that you both could get over

this and move on...... good luck. You might , but you will

never forget the hurt that this inflicted on you and your

feelings towards him will change. Its hard to love someone

you don't trust, its downright impossible. That part of your

marriage is over.

My heart goes out to you. Be strong, you're going to have too

now.

Please keep us posted.

Big hugs to you.

My sincerest sympathies to you. You have done no wrong. Get a good lawyer, listen to the advice, and start photocopying every financial document you can borrow (then replace the original).

When the divorce is final, give yourself time to find yourself and your place in the world.

Know that there certainly is happiness in your future. Believe it.

and think Karma!

Visit as many attorneys you can ( find the best)....consult

he can not use them once you have consulted with them.

get the ball rolling today..

get a handle on the money today- attorney will do that

my judge told me the longer the marriage the more equitable

the split-- I still got fooked.

I was married to a turbo tbm woman for four decades that had

an affair as I call it

"WITH THE church"

I had some rough days but now its over I'm so much happier.

what part of the country are you in?

That "worthy single sister" is crap. Henceforth, she shall be known by her calling name:

Shameless Whore

Send her a letter, stating what you did in your post. Copy the Bishop, hell, take out an ad in the paper. You are not bound by their rules unless you want to be.

Wanted: For Alienation of Affection:
Shameless Whore (Hussy if they won't print "whore") (First Name last initial) Last seen with Husband's First Name Last initial)
Flirted with a Temple-married man of 41 years during HT visits
Kissed a Temple-married man of 41 years during HT visits
God knows what else, because I can't even think it and he's too much of a coward to admit it anyway
Caused husband to ask wife for a divorce after bearing him 8 kids

Reward: She's loose, so flirt with her, she may put out for you, too. But ladies keep your men close to you. This one is looking for a daddy warbucks. She'll move on once I clean him out. You may also be able to snag hubby's little blue pills when he's napping.

The same happened to my sister-in-law's father when they were growing up. A woman from their ward would call him constantly to help her around the house. All she really wanted was him.

He left his wife for the "other" woman, then ended up marrying someone else! ((((rolleyes))))