So my family came for a week long happily anticipated visit and it sure seemed longer than a week when it finally arrived. I have a little grand son that is SO dang demanding all the time and another little grandson who is under a year that whined ALL THE TIME...and I do mean ALL THE TIME. He was just kranky and honery ALL THE TIME and it sure got old fast.

So my question is: how do you other grandparents deal with family visits where the family descends on your home to somehow make the visit tolerable for all?

Hand them back to their parents and go play golf. Of course, that's just one style of grandparenting.

I'll say to her folks, "It looks like we need some Oma time." (That's what she calls me - it's German for "Grandma." There is another little girl, but she is only 2, doesn't know me that well, and doesn't mind having her parents to herself.

I take A to my "special" room, which has a very expensive collection (several thousand dollars' worth) of historical period dolls, which she loves to look at. I sometimes read her stories about the dolls, and the period they lived in.

Sometimes, I'll ask directly: "Sweetie, you seem kind of cranky. What's going on? Can I help?"

Sometimes, she will tell me she is tired of having her baby sister around. There isn't a lot I can do about that, but once in a while, I'll invite A to go with me that would be way over the 2-year-old's head. She loves that. Sometimes, she tells me that she is frustrated that he mom works at home (for a call-center kind of job) but even though she is RIGHT THERE, she isn't really available to the girls. I try to explain that Mommy has to focus on what she is doing, or she might not get paid. And that Mommy would like to pay attention to the girls, but she has to pay attention to the people on the phone.

Or any other number of little-girl problems. I listen, try to give reasonable answers to a 6-year-old point of view, then I may take her out into the yard and we play Frisbee or soccer or something, or do something else together, just the two of us, to try to make her feel special.

She asked me once, "Oma, could you teach my parents to listen with their eyes, not just their ears? You listen to me with your WHOLE SELF!" Boy, how do you explain THAT one to a little child? How many of us were guilty of listening to a small child's babbling, and just going "Uh huh, uh huh" at times, to make listening noises, while not really paying attention?

Usually, all my granddaughter wants is to feel loved, listened to, and special. Having been an only child myself, I was never very adept at making my stepkids feel singled out and special. (I only had a single child myself, for much the same reason.)

Sometimes, she IS overtired and unreasonable. If it's OK with her parents, I'll toss the fuzzy, special blanket that she adores over both of us, we cuddle up in my bed, and she will be sound asleep in minutes. She feels VERY special, napping in Oma's BIG bed. And it does WONDERS for her disposition!

Those of us that are retired are lucky. We often have the time and energy to give to grandchildren. And that's what they need.

I have often felt guilty that when I was a parent, I was so exhausted, trying to deal with a husband, a house, a job, and such that I didn't have very much of myself left over for my little boy. I was just too tired.

I don't think I could handle a full weekend with both girls, but one - or even both - now and then, are a treat.

I say to my daughter that they sure seem tired and need a nap.

I take myself off for a nap often and I go to bed when they go to bed so I am always well rested.

Sounds like your grandkids are very young. They are still at the little savage stage. It's going to be awhile before they are fun to be around.

By three you can hand them your iPad with some games in it and that will give you a break. By four when you need a time out, let them watch Netflix. Take them to the local school yard and the climbers. Have lots of snacks like little boxes of raisins and drink boxes.

Ignore all the people that tell you grandkids are nothing but fun. They are wonderful but when they are really young, they Are a ton of work and nice in small doses.

Once they are old enough for the Mickey D play land (about three) take them there and your newspaper. You get a quiet half hour and they have fun.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/28/2015 11:19PM by annieg.

They need their own environment and routine. In a new place they have trouble sleeping and are sometimes worried about security. It's all very unsettling for most of them and doubly so for those with a sensitive nature.

Sounds like that baby might be overly tired and overstimulated and unable to deal with a new confusing situation. There isn't much you can do except try to give comfort and support to baby and parents alike. Having a comfort blanket or special soft toy might help and also trying to replicate the home routine as much as possible.

I wish I had some little grandkids here so we can spoil them.

Be a busy grandma.

Why do they need to be at your house for a week? Don't invite them.
Not everyone can handle such a circus after having raised their own kids.

If the parents feel they need a vacation perhaps they can take it somewhere else.

I'm not a grandparent - but I am a daughter who has been part of the annual family holiday that consists of way too many people crammed into way too small a space with kids from multiple families (with multiple parenting styles) all trying to enjoy the visit without driving each other crazy.

In my family's case, the closest hotel is 30+ minutes away so isn't a good option.....

I will say that I think your feelings are totally normal. You can love your grandchildren dearly and still get frustrated with the whining - or even just "normal" noise that children that age naturally generate.

You are used to having "quiet" and "peace" whenever you want it -- and children tend to be very demanding, constant noise machines.

I suspect this is compounded by the fact that you aren't the parent so it is more difficult to address the situation directly.

My parents struggle with this as well. My dad takes off for walks. My mom puts up with it and collapses after we leave.

You may want to see if you can figure out a way to get some quiet time for you. If nothing else, retreat to your bedroom to get a break.

You can also send the parents and kids out for a while -- have a list of places they can go (McDonalds play area, local park, etc). Use the time while they are gone for YOU (not chores).

Talk with your children. When we first started visiting, I didn't realize how difficult it was for my folks to just be around the kids 24x7. If you can explain that you just are used to having some occasional quiet time, you can enlist them to help figure out ways to give your ears a break occasionally.


Oh - the one thing that helped in our situation was when we could borrow a camper and my brother brought his camper .... being able to put my family into a separate space helped us better with routines and also gave my parents a break. But this isn't an option for everyone.

Thank you grandparents for your help and advice. Reading your responses was very enlightening.

I realized that I did not clarify that the entire family = step daughter, husband and two kids were visiting. The little three-year-old was non stop demands. The minute I entered the room he would want to go to another room for undivided attention. The baby whined non-stop but when I was holding her Mom would swoop in and take her away somewhere else. I guess I was just so confused about how to help and what I could possibly do to help them or help myself. It is hard to watch it and it got very old but I don't know what they wanted from us.

We made sure to have an outing everyday and we enjoyed dinners at home. But there was a lingering feeling hanging in the air that made me feel like my step daughter was asking for something from us ... not sure what.... like some sort of validation of her life or assurance of her parenting.

Do any of you have any ideas or opinions?

I got five grandkids. The youngest is now 10 and the oldest is in the Army and is 22.
When they were infants they went through all the tantrums, screaming, crying that they all experience.
Do what you can, play, read to them, hold their hand and walk them. Just give them of yourself, your time.

Now that they are older and their personalities are developed or developing, they have so much fun and love to repay you with that it'll make you want to cry.

I have two grandchildren from two of my children on one step grandchild. I find have to handle my relationship with my step son and his wife differently. I never, ever say anything but a complement. I let her make ever choice of what to eat, where to eat, where to go. Yes, it is annoying, but it is rare that we see them. Not more than a few days per year, so I just decide it is worth it. This child is also whiny. I avoid any criticism even to my husband with whom I have a very good relationship. He sometimes says something, if so I am measured in my response. It is one thing to criticize my own children or grandchildren, quite another to do so to so about my husband's. It is just different.

Your step-daughter is probably looking for two things. She is looking for complements on her parenting on about her children. And she is looking for any hint of criticism. She is also looking to see if you have an equal number of pictures of her children up as of your own (assuming you have your own). She is also looking to see if you compare your grandchild to her's. Don't.

Thank you for your wise words....your helpful advice is really appreciated!

I am the grandfather of 17 grandchildren. That number is arrived at very quickly if you start with 6 children!

The eldest is 9.

So, we've never had kids with kids visit more than one at a time (I know, that's a weird sentence - just reread a few times and it will make sense). My family and my wife's family are game players. We have games galore. We usually play games at the level of the youngest able to play. If I play, my wife will take over the little ones who can't play and vica versa.

Those that get cranky are handed over to their parent with a "suggestion" to handle the situation and return when everything is okay. It's called parenting the parent and a grandparent's duty, in my opinion.

It works well for us. Your mileage may certainly vary.

Additional: Travel can upset the routines of little ones and it may take a couple days before "order" can reasonably be restored. This is just nature. If it goes beyond that, it's nurture and up to the parents, with "encouragement" from the grandparents, whose house it is they are visiting!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/30/2015 02:21PM by moose.