Assume you are single and are getting very serious with a person of the opposite sex when you learn they had been in a same sex relationship for 2 years. They now profess to be straight and the same sex relationship was just sex no real attraction.

Would you continue your relationship with this person or would you dump them?

I know a woman who was in a same sex relationship for a coupe of years. She became an awesome wife to a guy later.

She explained it like this. When she was in the same sex relationship, she was the more male side of the relationship, and her partner was the female side. She said that she got really frustrated by her partner always being on the female side and now she really understood a lot more about guys needs and frustrations in relationships.

So when she met the guy that she married, she was a lot more aware of the male side and so her husband was pretty happy.

I'm not saying this is what the future holds for your person, but it is my only reference point I have to share.

So talking and discussing in an open way is the only way to find out what is really going on now, and what has gone on in the past.

But then I've had experience.

May I say, there is a lot more to this than what it appears. At least my ex never said he wasn't gay. He just thought he could be married to a woman and somehow "maintain." It is one thing if ONE relationship falls apart and another entirely if MOST do. I know there are some gay/straight relationships that don't fall apart.

I confronted my ex (on March 22, 1983) about him spending so much time with "Dennis." Then he told me is gay and had been having a relationship with Dennis, who had 4 children and is still married now. Actually, his oldest son was in a gay relationship for a long time and just recently got temple married to a girl.

IF they last, the gay one is usually cheating.

I don't think these men/women go into a gay/straight marriage thinking they can't do it or are going to cheat. I believe they have good intentions. It isn't that simple. IF my ex could have maintained and been faithful (not only sexually, but emotionally), he would have.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/23/2015 03:58PM by cl2.

cl2 Wrote:
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> But then I've had experience.

To the OP.

Note my reference point was NOT mormon, had nothing to do with mormons.

So the need to suppress your sexuality, and to stuff it down, and to pretend to be something you are not was not a motivating factor.

For LD$ folks who have a same sex attraction, you need to be very careful this isn't about them just trying to be straight to please imaginary jesus and his profits.

If they are professing to be straight now, I agree that you should dump them.

See, if they said they were bi or pansexual, then that would be an entirely different situation.

If that person is saying they were in a same sex relationship

for two years and says they are straight now I call bullshit.

Straight people don't go into same sex relationships . If

they say different, they are lying.


Sexuality is not changeable like that. The person could be

Bi sexual but not straight... that person is lying.

I'd dump them pronto for being a liar.

Technically yes, they would have been gay/bi. However, if they are female, you need to realize that female sexuality is somewhat more flexible than male sexuality. Men tend to be more on one side of the spectrum or the other, whereas women can change their sexuality over time (technically bisexual but attraction/romantic attachment to one sex can dominate the other).
I would ask if they are talking about physical or emotional attraction, and how they are defining themselves. Let them explain where they are coming from and give them a chance if you feel that their explanation makes sense. If they were formerly claiming to be 100% gay/lesbian and are now claiming to be 100% straight, then you know that there is a problem. If it went from 80-90% one direction to that in the other and they openly admit that, or if the admit attraction to both male and female, but only romantic attraction to one, then they are probably telling the truth.
*Disclaimer: This is my simple guess from what I've seen/heard from others, as well as read about with studies of sexuality.

I'll just quickly piggyback the fluidity comments-

Research (since the 90's in studies of women's sexuality and in the past few years for men) would suggest that for a portion of the population, sexual identity and expression are not set in stone, but can fluctuate over time and with changes to environment. This is not the same as bisexuality or a questioning/coming out process. Some people will experience a change in sexual orientation (or even multiple changes) during their lifetime. If you would like to know more, Dr. Lisa Diamond wrote a book titled Sexual Fluidity and she was also recently on Radio West on NPR.

I think that there are all different levels of attraction. And both guys and girls can be attracted to, and be in a relationship with, either sex at different points in their life. And someone can be "straight" and still have a relationship with someone who is the same sex. What about the million or so intersex people? Quit worrying about an external definition of a relationship and talk to the person. Are they honest? Do you make each other happy?

If so who cares what they did in the past?

Well let me spin this around.

If I was dating a guy who told me he had previously been with a girl for two years but that he was gay... I would proceed with caution, but thats not grounds (to me) for tossing him aside.

Im more concerned with the future than the past.

Obviously the situation in the past could have occurred for any number of reasons. I would assume he is bisexual, but if he shows me he cares for me and loves me in a deep way, I dont care what his sexuality is. If he was a genuine boyfriend to me, I would be inclined to keep him, because genuine people are a rare thing to run into.

But if I suspected he would leave me for a woman, I would confront him and tell him to just tell me frankly what he feels.

The key would be communication in either case and not black/white gay/straight thinking.

++

Count me in the group that thinks more dialog needs to happen. Rushing to dump people for this or that seems premature.

Do you want to be jealous, frustrated and lonely, or you want to be wanted and desired?

As of today; isn't that what the Corporation is asking for all GLBT to do if joining the corporation?

Just because a BIC "virgin" with SSA hasn't physically touched another of the same sex; his/her thoughts, porn viewing, masturbatory musings have all been about the same sex. They (especially men) know if they have SSA whether they masturbated or had nocturnal emissions because the theme of those sexual fantasies is probably homosexual rather than heterosexual.

I'm a gay man and have to admit that "On Paper and with Emotional fortitude" the corporations idea that you can marry and have children now here in the Telestial state, and later in the Terrestrial/Celestial kingdom you will have the curse of same-sex attraction removed. This makes it seem like Gays and Straights who enter into these marriages/sealings have to have extra strong faith and must have harder tests to endure to the end. Yet, I dislike using race or gender as an example, but the corporation tells people of color that after death, their curse will be lifted and they shall indeed become white; women will be able to hold the priesthood once the curse of Eve is taken off of them once they leave the Telestial kingdom to the Terrestrial/Celestial kingdom.

The reason I hate using race or gender as an example is because even though I'm gay, I can still "pretend to be straight" my little factory can still produce sperm and help in making babies. Yet, my mate and myself (if honest and out of the closet) would actually have to make a contract with God that we'll "pretend" to be attracted to each other in the hopes that in the afterlife we will be attracted to each other "for realsies". It's a contract between you, another person and God based on omissions and lies---Yet isn't that Mormonism 101 nowdays?

There can be a lot of reasons to keep them. If the other relationship was not monogamous and yours was not agreed upon as monogamous, Then I would not see why it would even be an issue.

When I found and started loving my now-wife, and decided to have a long-term relationship with her, I didn't ask her if she had ever been in a same-sex relationship. Because I didn't care.
I also didn't ask if she was a "virgin." Because I didn't care.

I did care if she was will to commit to me. She was.
Done deal.

That was 22+ years ago. :) It's all good.