My first post was in September. Still attending BYUi. I've been doing a lot of reading and learning more and more of the dirt against TSCC. It's beginning to make me snappy, even in moments where it might not even be deserved. I recently snapped at a teacher. I'm surprised how far I went in my criticism of his teaching ability. Thinking back on it though, I was more upset that I'm suffering through a "faith promoting" institution where the teachers are required to mix the curriculum with bullshit and lay off any very serious issues with the faith. I don't feel challenged by my education in the ways that I would like to be. It's kind of funny, because I originally came here to have a "truth-filtered" education.

My points of view have shifted on many social issues. I realize I don't like being an ass hole, or perceived as being an ass hole, and the only thing causing me to take a serious hardcore stand on any of them was my religion. There's this conservative Youtube channel I used to love watching called PJTV. I'm still subscribed, but now I just find their junk ridiculous, and I'm incensed by the constant bashing of "the liberals" as if it were a slur. It's odd, because I was part of the tea-party craze leading up to the 2012 election.

I own a new sense of skepticism, and I don't feel threatened by anyone's world view. I want to understand people, but being here in the midst of a people I used to call my own seeing them think in the same ways that I used to think but have now grown out of, I want to scream. But I can't say anything, or I'd be out so fast.

I maintain the image of a TBM, but I like testing the waters. The conservative TBMs are the ones who would turn me in the quickest. I stir the pot in conversation by bringing up a social issue and taking a devil's advocate stance and backing it up with scripture. To their discomfort, it really makes them think. (ha!)

I wonder though if my fundamentalist type of thinking has me "switching sides" as it were. The fundamentalist type of thinking is that there is a truth somewhere and I need to find it, build my life on it, and promote it religiously.

I see good in the right and the left and corruption in both. I like to think I'm a free thinker, but I wonder if I've really put in the necessary thought to really make a position my own. Maybe I don't have to have a position on all things, but since Mormonism takes a position on all things, it's nice to be able to check its ego when necessary.

Am I open-minded or wishy-washy? I can't tell. Having been pushed so far to the right by Mormonism, it's hard not to have some kind of pendulum effect that causes me to swing as hard to the left as I was to the right. I don't want to unnecessarily resist someone's point of view just because they are mormon, though I find that to be the hardest point of view to empathize with right now. I especially can't be doing that if it's going to get me outed. Graduation is only a year out for me.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2015 10:10PM by Cold-Dodger.

Hang in there, Cold-Dodger. Yes, I can imagine that you feel quite stifled there. I went to a very liberal university for my undergraduate years, and I loved the free-thinking atmosphere. I could see you in such a place when you do your graduate work.

I vote you are open minded. Wishy-washy seems like a term to insist people polarize themselves, and I think polarization and extreme stances are what are hurting our society right now. There are always different angles to every issue, more than two even. I try to avoid black and white, all or nothing thinking, as I call it, myself. I enjoy playing the devils advocate too, sometimes. It’s like exploring another point of view. I also think it’s ok to change your mind about things, even often, as new information is absorbed. Sometimes people are too proud to change their minds.

But, don't take a position and get yourself in trouble. Your environment right now isn't the safest for exploration of ideas. But I think you realize that. Just be cautious, don't rock the boat too much, or you might get wet. :)

You sound just like me! I was ultra TBM and ultra "conservative" politically but after studying my way out of Mormonism I slowly started shifting to the left. Its very interesting seeing both mindsets having lived in both heads.

The whole accusation of being "wishy washy" is bull**** though. Its that whole black and white thinking. Keeping the world simple for the simple minded.

Terrific and give yourself those backpats for giving others something to wrap their head around and think about, even BYU professors.

I think it is A-Okay that you are finding a way to survive there. Only one more year, and off you can go to places that will suit you better.

Hang on, Cold-Dodger!

Later, when you are working, you will need to draw upon your reserves of tolerance in order to work with many types of people. Consider holding your tongue and temper good practice for the future. You are finding the line of how far to question in order to help people consider another perspective.

It would be great if some of your Exmo "parents" could attend your graduation. At least let us know where to send the cash and prizes when you graduate! :)

Wait until you get your turn to be dished out the same....

Cold-Dodger Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I wonder though if my fundamentalist type of
> thinking has me "switching sides" as it were. The
> fundamentalist type of thinking is that there is a
> truth somewhere and I need to find it, build my
> life on it, and promote it religiously.

Well, there *is* "truth somewhere" when it comes to some things. Things that are questions of fact, not opinion.
For the rest, it's all subjective. And as long as the subjective position you decide on, and argue for, doesn't harm others (or curtail their right to have a different subjective opinion), then you're just fine.

I like to point out to "conservatives" that by its nature, "conservatism" tends to want to eliminate all points of view other than its own, while "liberalism" inherently allows and considers all points of view, including "conservative" ones. Then I ask if they agree with everything in every "conservative" group...they usually don't, but allow for those people to have their opinions. That's when I congratulate them on being liberals :) Sometimes the point gets across, sometimes it doesn't.

Good luck hanging in there until graduation.

I learned a thing or two about liberal and conservative during the Reagan years when I had my first real job (though a peon) in the defense department. The money was flowing, Reagan was on top; but underneath, things were not going well. It was clear Reagan was checked out, senile. No one was at the helm controlling the cabinet, so the agencies were turning to turf war. The liberals were saying one thing, and the conservatives were saying the opposite. The truth couldn't be "somewhere in the middle," because the narratives didn't have a middle; they were separate. So I started doing independent research, and took no side. I discovered one side was lying and the other wasn't. Then Iran-Contra broke.

I learned something. Truth is not "in the middle." Truth is where the facts are. Not everyone is lying, but some really are. And just because someone is lying, you can't simply assume their counterpart must be lying too. You have to look at it independently. But, as Colbert said, "Facts have a liberal bias."