I don't know if it's just me, but parenting is freaking hard. I left TSCC when my son was just over a year. Since leaving, I've realized that I DONT have an obligation to provide a body for as many spirits as "The Lord's will" and I realized that I don't WANT more kids. I always planned on having at least three, but that was my TBM upbringing in every way. I don't think that all the YW lessons and church in the world provides you with reality. All they teach you is that it's all a fairytale...finding an RM (prince), getting married in a castle, having fifteen kids and living happily ever after.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2015 01:07PM by lexaprosavedme.

For sure it did.

Before I met my wife I was dating a non-lds girl. I ended it with her because I had to "find a spouse" and she wouldn't do because she wasn't lds. I'm not saying I would have married her, but I stopped dating her because she wasn't lds.

And as for kids... yes my wife had said things like "I feel like God wants us to have another kid." And of course being a Mormon you are suppose to have lots of kids. I have 4, and they are my world. But I don't know if I would have had that many. Even at the time I didn't really want that many.

Same here...4 kids that I love dearly, but I would have stopped at two or three (still a lot by some standards) if it wasn't for the indoctrination.

Since there are no: wouldas, shouldas, couldas, what if's, my life is what I chose and those that I agreed to make choices with, predominately my husband. I also have no regrets.
I married the right man at the right time.
I have the number of children I wanted, each one was wanted and planned -- and each one is still wanted and loved.

I could not have done it differently as it is not possible to change the past. I have no idea what I would have done if the circumstances were different. They were not different, so it is a moot point. I've learned to be grateful and happy with what I have. Each day is precious. It's a gift.

While I very much like your attitude on this subject individually, it came off as rather condescending towards the others who may not feel the same.

Everyone's circumstances are different so a little less high horse, a little more compassion next time.

I happen to have only had one kid before I left the church. Previously, we were going to have maybe four. Now, we will stick with the one. Things change when you leave TSCC.

+1

I had 3 proposals by nonmormons, but those damn Mormons didn't want to date me.

I found myself dating a gay Mormon. I still had another opportunity with a nonmormon and even a Mormon, but I had to save my gay husband. He finally decided to get married because he was sure I was going to marry the other Mormon I was dating.

I wanted 8 kids. Oh my hell. Just shoot me now. I had twins. Even though we did try to have more children, we never did. I'm so grateful I just had the twins. I can't imagine being a single mother to more than them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2015 01:24PM by cl2.

Oh Absolutely. But since it was all I knew and I was indoctrinated to kingdom come, there is no way to know what I would have done. I just know what I would not have done on purpose without the brainwashing. I would NOT have married the person I did. I would not have married for sex and someone who had a golden ticket to get me to the eternal sex palace. I like to hope I would have been a lot smarter on timing and number of kids.

That said, it's all good. I just always think about the fact that it could have been a lot worse. It would have been so much harder to get out of the marriage if I'd had any more kids. It was almost impossible as it was. And if I'd married Peter Priesthood, I shudder to think where I'd be today. I see mormon women my age and think, "That could be me." So I really try to appreciate where I am now.

I think that modern parenting is a very hard job. My depression-era grandmother (who had a large family) used to observe my mom at close range, and my grandmom thought that my mom had it much tougher. She said that my mom had to constantly watch the clock and was always in her car, shuffling the two of us from place to place. And nowadays most moms work outside of the home as well. My hat is off to them because I don't think I could do it.

Thank jeebus no.

When we first started dating, dh was inactive. He was only marginally active by the time we married. It didn't matter, I loved him and wanted to marry him. Being the good TBM, I still wanted to be married in the temple, but I figured that would work itself out eventually.

We have 3 kids and that was plenty. In fact, my mother (a NOM) told me not to have anymore, that 3 was a good number and that kids take so much work and time and money to raise. This coming from someone who had 6. No worries, mom, I didn't want anymore anyway.

I was perfectly at peace with not having more, but every once in a while I wondered if there were more spirit children we were supposed to have that went to someone else instead (face palm).

Definitely! Got married for so many wrong reasons. And now hubby and I have the most shallow, superficial relationship ever. I'm not sure what would have happened if I had left the church when I was young. I did consider it, because I am lesbian. But without learning the truth behind all the history and shit.... the church would still have had a huge mental hold on me. So I'm not sure I would have had children. Although I do feel that nurturing small children is one of my strengths and loves.

It didn't alter the number of children we had because of DWs health issues - we were limited. But it certainly directed my thinking in choosing a wife. If I had to do it all over again, I certainly would have dated nevermos and would try to get to know the person and not chase the pedigree.

But, hind sight and all that ....

Yes. I was never, ever gonna marry a Mormon girl. So I married a Catholic.

Ron Burr

OK, how many kids?

My wife and I talked of having six, but stopped at four. Each time another was on the way things got harder for DW. So we talked it over and I took the matter to the urologist. I never consulted the bishop on that move. I figured it was none of his business anyway.

Ron,

I did the same and am still happily married some 43 years later. Marrying a non-mormon Catholic girl was the smartest thing I ever did.

I am blissfully happy, married to my sweetheart of almost 42 years, and our children are totally unaware of Mormonism and are in fact Lutheran, by their own choice.

Ron Burr

I made life choices in spite of being Mormon. I never wanted kids. I dreaded the thought of actually going to the temple and marrying a Mormon. I hated how they harped on having so many kids when I could plainly see the results in families in my ward. They were always tired and stressed. No one seemed happy, but they sure acted like they were. I wasn't fooled.

So, I met a non member, fell in love, left the church because it was so onerous, and we never did have kids. It's been the best time of my life and I haven't regretted it one bit. Well, I wish I would have met my husband sooner. I feel like a lucky one for following my mind no matter how hard the church tried to indoctrinate me.

I was always in love with two men, though the Mormons said it was impossible to love two men at the same time, and that this meant I didn't love either one. Just before I left for BYU, the older boy asked me to marry him, but I was still too young, and, besides, my parents did not approve the relationship. He said he would join the Mormon church, but my parents knew he didn't believe. And he drank--OMG I turned him down, and he was engaged by the time I came home for Christmas. She was Catholic, and he joined the Catholic church. She has lived the greatest, most interesting, fun life anyone could imagine. They had 3 children. He still is one of the finest men I have ever known, and a dear friend.

The second man was a Mormon, and after our Graduation party, I went to BYU the next day, and he went to an Ivy League university. At BYU, I dated a lot of young men, and my parents were always pushing me to settle down, but I never fell in love with any Mormon guy. Now I know why! My second boyfriend and I got together in graduate school and fell madly in love. He didn't go on a mission, though, and gradually, he was finding out the truth about the cult. He left the church, and I told him I had to have a temple marriage. The real reason was that he never wanted to have children--not even adopt--and I wanted the experience of having a child. I loved kids.

Church and kids. Years later, I married a Mormon man who promised me both, and we had children, love and security, a great life, and a pretty house near the beach, and. He soon found out that Mormonism is a cult, so he became inactive, but I would never have divorced him for it. Soon, the children and I followed him out of the cult, and we went to a Christian church, off and on. My husband wasn't very kind to us, and we sort of lived around his selfishness. He left me for another woman. He said he would never have had children, if TSCC and his fanatic mother hadn't pushed him into it. (I would never have pushed, remembering how my second boyfriend had felt about that.) My ex cut off all contact with us, and is living his life as though he doesn't have any children.

Through all of this (and more) I never dreamed of what great human beings my children would become! They are loving, happy, kind, successful, married, have children of their own, and would take care of me in my old age if they had to.

TSCC tried to coerce me into getting married again, but I stood my ground. Never again.

I have never wanted more than one or two children. Even when I was a kid I knew I didn't want many children, despite what all my YW leaders tried to drill into my head about being a stay-at-home mom and having "as many children as God gives." I knew that wasn't my path.

Now, I've been married for about a decade to a man who has custody of several kids. I still haven't decided whether I want any of my own. Working full-time and raising his children is about all I can manage, and sometimes I just want REST. And PEACE.

When we first married I prayed and prayed that if God actually wanted me to have kids of my own, he would help us be in a position where I would feel like it was a reasonable option. But instead we were handed custody battles, unemployment, and illness.

The church has raised me to believe that I'm selfish if I don't have children. And maybe I am. After all, I really would rather have a dog and a beach house than a screaming child. But maybe I just have come to understand my limits.