It fucking sucks. Fucking hate going through my memories.

I can sympathize, Adam. My brother is currently writing his memoirs (and he writes very well ;-) but there's too much in there that I've just left behind and moved on from. I don't want to revisit it.

Best wishes to you

Tom in Paris

I was in therapy for many, many, MANY years and it never sucked for me. I loved it. Many difficult moments. Frequently felt like I’d been put through the wringer. But it was cathartic and of significant benefit.
There is nothing you have to do in therapy. If it’s that bad maybe you need a new therapist or maybe therapy isn’t for you at this point.

I was definitely put through the ringer. Never done this much EMDR before in one session. Never had so many traumatic events back to back to back come up in my mind before in 50 minutes.

A therapist recommended EMDR for my wife, who deals with post-traumatic stress issues. She hasn't started yet. I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic of EMDR generally. Have you found it helpful? I hope so! Take care - and thanks for sharing your experience!!

It is helpful but i definitely do not understand it or how it possibly works but somehow it does something. I have a feeling i have a whole lot more of EMDR to go.

But then the odds are overwhelming you'll keep getting what you've always got...

I had an advantage with my alcoholism; I could see I was going to die if I continued the path I was on...

The pain is short-term; the gains are long-term, and honest, I think back about the people I used to hang with, and I shudder. I needed them, however.

I know i will die if i don't do intense therapy and become my real self and acclaimate to real society and stay clear of mormonism for the rest of my life.

Therapy is a very difficult, very painful at times.

My mother used to describe it as "peeling an onion, layer by layer"

It's hard, Adam, but stick with it. It's important to face these things, deal with them, and then you can put them in your review mirror and move on.

Hang in there!

I asked my therapist when we were done if we were going to do this for every traumatic memory and she said yes. And i was like you got to be f#cking kidding me i would rather die than do what i did today. But i knew it was going to get nasty and gritty. I know i lived a worse life than i let on or portray. Buried a lot of sh#t.

Going thru similar stuff ATM with my Psycologist
And yes confronting the past sucks big time
Stuff that was avoided for a long time rears its ugly head and you're facing it .
Too bad we don't come with a delete files button
But it's all in a day's work, necessary to get where you need to be.
And yes these forums are good to vent on, everyone needs to vent at times, better than repressing the anger and escaping into alcohol, drugs whatever.
The bonus is there are decent people here giving advice, sharing their life's experiences that you can learn from and know your not alone in this.
Sounds like your making good progress and keep on with the interesting posts

There is no delete button unfortunately even when you try to bury it all very deep with pain medications or whatever to numb you. It will all have to come back if you have any chance to being normal again. You have to face it and you have to face the people of the past.

back in the beginning, but then the worst of my life was happening at the time I started therapy. My ex had been gone just over a year or maybe 2. My life was living hell. My therapy was more about surviving day to day at the time through what I was dealing with then. I'm going through some PTSD right now because my ex left me on January 3 and then January 8th. He came back for a few days. . .

I'm dealing with after Christmas blues because Christmas as tough in the years after my ex left. The things I had to do to get Christmas for my kids and try to make Christmas good for them. He left me the third time in November. That first Christmas was hell.

Anyway, it was tough in the beginning and for a long time afterwards. Nowadays, it is easy. For me, it is just a reset button to be able to talk to my therapist. Mostly he just tells me I'm right for feeling like I do about something that just happened or he reminds me that I'm probably experiencing PTSD. Usually I go in and say, "Is this because of . . ." It pays off to keep going to therapy. I never could have made it this far without therapy.

I was told today that getting exhausted is normal and i was very exhausted. I don't even acknowledge holidays, i ignored christmas and new years totally and it has helped with anxiety and getting too angry.

In addition to your therapy:

Can you get in your truck and drive to the Pacific Ocean? I recommend Highway 101 from San Francisco clear to WA.

Be careful walking out, wet rocks are slippery. You won't want to re-injur anything.

I think you'd benefit from the excursion.

I cant afford to make a trip like that right now my neck surgery is next week.

Howdy Badass, I’m sending you positive vibes. I had my surgical procedure yesterday and all went very well. I thought about your upcoming operation and want you to know I wish you the very best. If memory serves correctly a week from now, you’ll be in recovery.

On a funny note, the Bone has a tube shoved up it. I’m going to be sore for about a week. And I’ve had to take a 2 month no-fap challenge. So, buddy, I expect you to pick up my slack :).

Stay brave, Badass! You’re fuckin’ awesome!

BYU Boner Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Howdy Badass, I’m sending you positive vibes. I
> had my surgical procedure yesterday and all went
> very well. I thought about your upcoming operation
> and want you to know I wish you the very best. If
> memory serves correctly a week from now, you’ll
> be in recovery.
>
> On a funny note, the Bone has a tube shoved up it.
> I’m going to be sore for about a week. And
> I’ve had to take a 2 month no-fap challenge. So,
> buddy, I expect you to pick up my slack :).
>
> Stay brave, Badass! You’re fuckin’ awesome!

I was thinking about you today boner. I do this surgery for you man. This could change my life if it works it is that big of a surgery compared to the others. I am a little nervous but i have to do it. Can you imagine a badass without pain? I sure can't but i want it to happen so i can just focus on the important things like stretching my loins and whacking off. I'll pick up the slack don't you fret and maybe i'll even have sex, the women actually like me in this town. I might be too fragile though after surgery i will just whack off, someone has to appreciate beautiful women and trust me they do understand that whacking off NEEDS to happen. Badass out.

(((((Bro-Hugs)))))! I’m still expecting the video when you feel better. Hell, you and Ziller ought to go into business together!

Hahahaha ziller only prefers mostly nude women on a pole, which isn't bad.

dig 'em up and let 'em go. I hated it, but man has it been eye opening.

Yeeeep.

I'm reminded of a cartoon where the sign-painter is painting
lettering on a door, and he's painting:

PSYCHO
THE
RAPIST

and the guy behind him is saying, "It's all one word, Ralph."