Mormons identify first with being Mormon. Their whole identity hangs on it. They start conversations that have nothing to do with their religion with, "When I was on my mission..." just to virtue signal to each other. It takes up their whole lives and it gives them their self esteem. They get a sense of being on a team and being better than the rest of the world from their religion. They find their spouses in Mormonism, take pride in raising their children to be good little Mormons, and invest incredible amounts of time doing Mormon activities.

Then when they hear the truth about their religion, it offends them terribly. When that identity is threatened, they feel threatened. The more offended they are, the more "true" their religion must be.

Isn't it great to be out of a religion that causes knee-jerk reactions to truth? Isn't it great to be out of a religion that is anti-science and anti-logic? It's sometimes hard work to exercise our brains when we're used to having all the answer fed to us. But now that we're out, isn't it great to be able to make decisions based on something besides feelings?

We don't have to play the identity game any more. We're free!

T-Bone

And the boost in the income, don't forget that! SLC was robbing us!

Ain't that the truth!

Welcome back T-Bone. How's life?

That’s why leaving is such an accomplishment. All of that gets blown to pieces, and then who are you? You have to rebuild an identity from scratch. It’s the craziest thing. Nobody can understand it unless they’ve lived through it. I guess it’s like living in Florida where a hurricane wipes out everything while you watch.

If only identities were as easy to rebuild as a house.

It will be nice when I no longer define myself by what I lost. It's hard to explain this concept to people. I'm going on two years of intense self examination to find out what's left and who I want to be. It's been a hard journey, but I'm getting there.

T-Bone! Another sage post. You were around a lot when I first came to the board 4+ years ago. Several of your posts are saved in my 'best of' file. Always appreciate your thoughts. Good to hear from you again.

Hey, everybody. Good to be back. I try to visit during the holidays and say thanks to the board that helped me so much as I was getting out of "the" church.

Life is good. I am enjoying work. I've got more than I can handle, and I've had an interview with a really awesome company for a position that would really 1) use my skillset and; 2) make me grow like crazy.

Home life is amazing. It's funny but we had less $ this year but really grew to enjoy each other's time. I'm a retread at this marriage thing, and my wife is just the most amazing woman from a really solid family.

Back to the topic of the post, I was just watching some YouTube videos about college kids who demand safe spaces and how they violently oppose people who have different points of view. And I saw violent clashes at rallies for political candidates. Crazy!

When confronted with the truth, some protesters get all flustered and ask, "Why are you being so mean?"

It reminded me of seeing Mormons hear the truth about Joseph Smith or creationism.

In one example, I saw a geology professor who was not from Utah show us how the earth was formed over millions of years. One of the students had to pipe up and say, "But that's if you buy in to the THEORY of evolution." I think he used air quotes when he said theory. Then he went on to explain that evolution is just one theory and not yet proven, and that the dinosaur fossils were embedded in pieces of rock that came together to form the earth.

He kept getting more and more upset as the professor tried to show him how the different periods left different layers on the earth.

Yes, leaving is a major accomplishment. It takes a lot of courage to admit that everything we built our lives on was wrong.

Sometimes we blame ourselves. But we don't have to. They fed us that garbage when we were young. We didn't know any better. Now we do. And as adults we can get out. We can learn how to live without oppressive people in our lives.

And we can even learn that we're not victims. We don't have to put up with guilt trips from delusional Mormon family members. If a family member who was mentally ill went around telling everybody that I'm a bad son/father/brother because I can't hear "the voices" I wouldn't feel bad at all. If my family members try to say I'm a bad person because I am not Mormon, it means nothing to me.

The funny thing is, nobody talks to me like that now. First, they know I won't have it. Second, they see that my life works without their religion. It baffles them, but they know my relationships and my career are just fine without religion. So they leave me alone.

Living well may be the best revenge, but I don't care about that anymore, either. Living well is the best anti-biotic against Mormon nonsense.

We don't have to let ourselves be mistreated. We are NOT victims. And we can even be civil. Christmas dinner does not need to turn into something that looks like a cable news shouting match.

Have an awesome day, everybody!

T-Bone

Hello, T=Bone! Nice to see you back. I'm glad that all is well you and yours. Enjoy your Christmas!

Spock: "Illogical"

Lost in Space Robot: "You're belief system does not compute!"

When I was going through the process of leaving the church I heard this quote. I don't know who first said it but it turned out to be so true for me. "When you leave the church 3 things happen - 1. You have a 10% raise in income. 2. You have a lot more time for your own pursuits. 3. You get rid of a ton of guilt.

Yup, I always characterize it as getting a 10% raise and Sundays off.

You're totally right about the guilt, too.

T-Bone

On those rare occasions when I’m asked about religion, I “identify” as a born-again agnostic.

I use mormon atheist, which IDs my roots and my current status, and pisses off TBMs.

I no longer identify as Mormon but have many friends that are. I live in an isolated gated community in north Georgia so visiting me requires my permission at the gate. I remain in the email tree for home teaching, ward announcements and the rare temple needs. Beyond that I hear consistently from one person only. The only recurrrnt adult association I have is with Football Officials in my area. When I eventually return to working at the food bank after my daughter’s illness improves I will encounter the bored out of their minds missionaries. The recent phrase here I learned- “ not my circus, not my clowns” will be my mantra. How these friendships will turn I do not know.

Gatorman

Just found a quote that backs this up:

Roy Baumeister:
"Hypersensitive people, who often think their pride is being assaulted, are potentially dangerous.” I have seen how “hypersensitivity to insults also makes it possible to understand what might otherwise appear to be senseless violence." With Mormons, it's usually tearful temper tantrums which end with the person whose irrational beliefs are questioned by a rational person storming out of the room.

According to Baumeister, "Many violent people believe that their actions were justified by the offensive acts of the person who became their victim.”

“Even when a neutral observer would conclude that no serious provocation had occurred, it is still important to recognize that, in the perpetrator’s own view, he or she was merely responding to an attack.”

See Roy Baumeister’s "Evil: Inside Human Cruelty and Violence."

People who see themselves as martyrs can be dangerous.

T-Bone

You have described one of the reasons I'm afraid of Mormons.

We used to call it "paranoia", and paranoid schizophrenics (who are out of touch with reality) are the most dangerous.

What you wrote, T-bone, will be helpful for me to consider:

"If a family member who was mentally ill went around telling everybody that I'm a bad son/father/brother because I can't hear "the voices" I wouldn't feel bad at all."

I need to put abusive Mormons into perspective. My fear gives them too much power over me. I still care too much about what Mormon family members and Mormon former friends think of me. Their gossip about me IS NOT TRUE, and those who really know me, know I'm not evil, or "...lazy, offended, and wanting to sin" to quote a mentally ill Mormon prophet.

I surmise that you have learned to live without "oppressive people" in your life, yet you are able to be civil to certain Mormon family members, who are still in your life. Congratulations, T-bone, on finding a healthy balance!

My new year's resolution is to stop "identifying" with being a Mormon VICTIM.

My new year's resolution is to stand up for myself, and no longer be a victim, so the Mormons will leave me alone, as they leave T-Bone alone. I need to be assertive (but not aggressive or emotional), and set boundaries, so the Mormons will "know I won't have it" when they try to put me down. My life is going very well, and I have your "second" part of it down. What joy that brings!


T-Bone: "The funny thing is, nobody talks to me like that now. First, they know I won't have it. Second, they see that my life works without their religion. It baffles them, but they know my relationships and my career are just fine without religion. So they leave me alone."

afraid of mormons, I was a people-pleaser to the core. I guess somewhere along the line I realized I was killing myself trying to make everybody else happy.

One thing that helped was becoming a lawyer. Not that I became great at refuting silly points put forth by my Mormon family. In fact, the best way to make them realize what they've said is jus to give them a blank stare.

T-Bone, the way you're living makes God sad.
Blank stare.
Didn't your mother raise you better than that?
Blank stare.
Um... sorry.

I don't really think it's the fact that I'm a lawyer that intimidates anybody. I'm a really nice guy. I don't do litigation and I hate to argue.

I think it's the fact that I followed my dreams and worked my butt off, then I excelled in my career. I think that surprises them because they think leaving the Mormon church was supposed to ruin my life. It didn't. I got a 10% raise and Sundays off.

Good luck to you. Like I said, you don't have to become a lawyer, doctor, or banker to get your family off your back. Just devote yourself to something you enjoy, whatever it is. Show them that your life did not fall apart without Mormonism. That is the most powerful message in my opinion.

T-Bone

Thank you for bringing up this subject. I agree with the points made but am finding they run across the board to other religions too. I have come to conclude that people of all faiths tend to get defensive and are ultra sensitive to innocuous comments that may call their beliefs into the after life in to question.

I grow weary of efforts to convert me using fear, lack, shame, guilt and just plain bullying.

Love my corner of the world. No soliciting!