One brother totally acknowledges me the other totally ignores me, my kids and my grandkids.
I went to a family member's funeral awhile ago.
I was not allowed to give a talk. I was "allowed" to read the obituary. Well...after I read a modified obituary (they left my kids and grand kids name out, I read them back in) I proceded to give a talk and have my say. I ended it with a simple thank you for coming.
Later the brother that ignores me gave a prayer. He asked his god to comfort each family member by name. Left me and mine out.
My other brother comes over, visits, helps me with home repair etc.
My family acknowledges each other - but we've been distant through the years even when I was still a Mormon.
My children and I moved east following my divorce. We were a nuclear family in the classical sense of the word.
My siblings and I splintered across various states to make lives for ourselves.
I have one TBM brother who I disowned not once, but twice for trying to rob me of my children. Once when they were babies. And again for pitting my daughter against my son and me after they were grown.
I could forgive him once. But not twice or thrice. He just doesn't seem to get how destructive his behavior has been. He's a religious zealot as well. He is the only one I've disavowed of my Mormon family to date.
He thinks he can waltz back into my life like he's some kind of benevolent angel. I closed that door long ago. He doesn't merit my trust or respect.
My most loving relatives are extended family ie, cousins. We're very supportive and loving of each other. About half of them are no longer active LDS like me. The other half are. We don't judge each other - except for one of my cousins who would like me to go back to church even though she says she respects my autonomy to practice and believe something else.
I am lucky, I suppose. Family has been good-ish. I had a big problem with them during Prop 8. We didn’t speak for months. They came to my Jewish wedding three weeks after donating to yes on 8. Big upset, and big rift. We have been slowly- very slowly- rebuilding, but I will never trust them again. I hate the church and especially what it asks of their members. They can’t live and let live; there is no happiness unless it can be stuffed into their own boxed terms. Sometime I wake with those goddamed primary songs in my head. Love At Home my ass. Still strong voice can suck it. I live in a tense, detente situation with most of my family all because the Mormon church doesn’t allow their members to practice what they preach—that is, to be a good neighbor and abide by the golden rule. But somehow that framework still makes me feel lucky because they are still around, and will still talk with me should I want to. I think that’s sick.