I just read a book that explains Mormonism perfectly. It is called "Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse" by Shahida Arabi. I think this would help many people here understand and recover from the abuse that they have endured in Mormonism.

I have read many comments about people who describe PTSD like symptoms from their experience in Mormonism. This sounds confusing and exaggerated to people who have never dealt with Narcissistic abuse and so believe that PTSD is caused by just 1 horrifically traumatic event in a persons life.

This book explains how people with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) cause a different kind of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) by using minor traumatic events sustained over long periods of time. This type of PTSD is called Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder

It is important to identify when a person is a Malignant Narcissist so that you can get away from them as soon as possible. It is also important to recognize that their abusive behavior is due to their lack of personal development not yours. Malignant Narcissists cannot deal with their issues so they will take it out on others.

Traits of people with NPD:

1) Malignant Narcissists never admit to being wrong.

2) They have fits of rage if their superiority is challenged.

3) They are childish when they dont get their way.

4) Malignant Narcissists stonewall their victims to prevent them from leaving the relationship.

5) Malignant Narcissists give their victims the silent treatment when the Narcissist is wrong.

6) Malignant Narcissists avoid emotions and accountability for their actions.

7) Malignant Narcissists instill doubts in their victims to paralyze them.

8) Malignant Narcissists will smear and slander you if they believe you are trying to get away from them.

9) They will gaslight you and tear you down because they are afraid you will leave them.

The best way to help a Malignant Narcissist is to not enable them! They have to develop a healthy personality on their own if that is even possible for them. You have to leave the relationship for both parties to heal.

This kind of abuse can be particularly insidious when the abuser is a care taker. This is because a parent can easily blame their children for their abuse (a tactic that Narcissists use to avoid responsibility for their actions) and virtually no one would believe the child about the abuse. This is because people view abuse as singular events. Complex PTSD on the other hand is slow and caused by repetitive day to day abuses. Most people would side with the abuser by saying that this is just the way life is, that the abuse is their religion, that the abuse is discipline, that the victim is just to weak or sensitive, that life isnt fair for anyone, etc...

I hope this helps you recover by understanding what you have experienced.

That book got great reviews on Goodreads, I'm going to buy it. I can see how it could apply to the church, and, as a bonus, my mother in law is a narcissist! My poor husband was raised in the church and by a narcissistic mother.

I am half way through "Leaving the Saints" by Martha Beck. I love it! I looked at the reviews for it on Goodreads and there were very negative reviews and they all sounded like TBMs. The reviews had statements like...."After reading only a few pages of this book, I felt the holy ghost withdraw." It seems like people reviewed the book poorly because Martha Beck is no longer a believer. I doubt most of them even read the book. That's dishonest and unethical in my book; but, I'm thinking the TBMs don't see it that way.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2017 06:58PM by JudyQ.

My mother is a malignant narcissist. When I complained to church leaders, including the Relief Society President, they all took HER side.

Not a book, but the Leah Remini series on Scientology on A&E has been very helpful to me.

www.recoveringagency.com

Luna Lindsey shows specifically how mormonism uses narcissistic elements and predatory, controlling cult group behaviors to capture and imprison people.

Every trait you listed applies to my wife's ex, who is an RM and a recently retired cop. My wife has put her phone conversations with him on speaker so that I can witness whether she is crazy or he is trying to gaslight her. He has definitely been gaslighting her, and I am helping her identify what he had done during their marriage and how he is still manipulating her years after they divorced. She always knew what he was doing and saying was wrong, but could never quite put her finger on what it was. I'm rather proud of how she's coming back hard on him and calling out his BS as they are resolving some post-divorce issues.