Elder Jeffrey R. Holland recently addressed a group of young adults in Tempe, AZ, to speak out on what he sees as an alarming trend among Mormon singles. “This may not be a very good word for an apostle to use, but I am furious about the scallywags who belly-flop off the Good Ship Mormonism.”

The mood intensified as Holland gave specific details about his felt consternation. “Now I know some of you may be thinking, ‘There goes old McJeffrey O’Holland again. That Irishman just doesn’t understand the carnival barking we face today.’ Well let me tell you, my young navel-gazing friends: you may think that your testimony is bully enough to withstand apostate flapdoodle, but it’s all fiddle-faddle and horsefeathers.”

The quivering Holland said that changing religious affiliation for any reason was proof positive of entitlement among millennials, leaving non-Mormon investigators in the audience flummoxed. “Young people today think they have a right to get flimflammed by facts and information—as if the truth were something you could just taffy-pull up online. As if good-ole sturdy faith didn’t matter. As if this was all plain-to-see gimcrack. As if none of this mattered. What a bunch of poppycock! Well if this church were built on facts, there would be no room for faith.”

Of all the current apostles sitting in the red velvet chairs, I really hope that one day Mr. Jeffrery becomes the main spokesman for the mighty mormon church. Yeah, that would be awesome indeed.

http://beehivebugle.com/2016/05/06/elder-holland-furious-apostate-flapdoodles

[Admin note: This is satire]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/08/2017 02:30PM by Eric K.

This was given almost a year and a half ago, not recently

And the article is a satirical piece though it may be riffing off of a real speech Holland gave.

Well if this church were built on facts there would be no room for faith? Did he just admit his church is a fraud just there? I think he did, he knows it was built on lies.

badassadam Wrote:
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> Well if this church were built on facts there
> would be no room for faith? Did he just admit his
> church is a fraud just there? I think he did, he
> knows it was built on lies.


Adam, it's not a real talk he gave. It's a satirical piece someone made up.

If it is satire, it's not too far from the truth.

In his own words:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2azI9-6VSM

Ooooooooooooooh i see. Little slow over here.

Here in is the benefit of being incorporated as a 501c3; religion has wide latitude that doesn't have to conform to the demanding scrutiny of facts. It can proclaim any absurdity as a matter of faith as faith is the foundation for belief, not facts.

LOL That was funny.

Biggest clash-conflict in the world: Religion (Mormonism) <> Facts/Truth.

I didn't realize that this piece was satire, at 4 in the morning with half a bottle of Old Crow next to the computer, it seemed like the real deal at the time. However, reading some of the other articles on that website, I can see now the errors of my ways in posting this post. But, it IS pretty close to what ole Jeffrery would and has lecturated before. When my head stops hurting, I will do some Hail Mary's and call it good.

It really did sound like something jeffrey would say the guy is an idiot when he opens his mouth.

sunbeep Wrote:
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> I didn't realize that this piece was satire.

Me neither LOL.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/08/2017 03:57PM by luckylucas.

I'm right behind you lucky [didn't realize it's satire also]

but at least it inspired my moniker

This is stupid.

On the contrary this is fucking hilarious.

" “The Restoration of the Gospel was never meant to be a knickknack paddywhack. Give Joseph Smith a bone,” at which point he handed out butterscotch candies and rode away on a bicycle built for two. "

Oh I'm laughing so hard. Good Mormon satire is good.

I thought it real also. I thought he meant that anyone would believe something right in front of them, like if they can literally see it, so that doesn't count as well as someone just having faith and trust that it is true. ( To rationalize any false beliefs that the church may have, and to make you feel guilty if you question something)