Do you feel sometimes that memories trigger you to feel panic and anger?

Some minutes ago I just wanted the memory of some people that have abused me to go away. My pulse raced away and I felt emotions that was a mix of fear, anger and panic.

The last phase was me visualising myself hitting them in the face with my fists and then I tried to calm myself down because I do not like imagine myself hitting other people. it feels so unworthy.

Now it feels a bit better but I am tired.

Although my memories have nothing to do with Mormonism (I am nevermo), my answer to your question is: Absolutely, yes!

Panic responses are part of some of my dreams. (For me personally, I have learned that certain dreams are about past personal trauma: dreams of spiders, in particular...and also dreams of "people unknown to me bursting into the room I am in through the window glass, without breaking it"---although, in waking life, I LIKE spiders, and I either take care of them or I try to insure that they don't get hurt).

If you are in a waking state and are going through panic attacks, there are a couple of practical things you can do which will probably help a great deal:

1) There is a calming agent in green tea, called theanine. Theanine, sometimes labeled as L-Theanine, is available in capsule form (from your local GNC in 200 mg capsules, or your local health food store, or Whole Foods, etc.). Get a bottle of the capsules, and take one or more of them with a full eight ounces or more of good water (the capsules need to get dissolved and into your physiological process ASAP), when you realize that this panic or anger state is coming on.

You can also fix yourself a cup of green tea, but this takes time, and capsules work instantly and reliably. (When you are in your local Whole Foods or health food store, do pick up some organic green tea in teabags, so you can fix hot green tea for yourself as a regular part of your diet, or for those times when you know, from past experience, that you are vulnerable to panic/anger attacks.)

2) Learn breathing exercises!!! These will help immensely, and will take effect almost immediately. Go over to You Tube and search for "breathing exercises for anxiety" (one of their suggested categories when you start the search). You can learn how to do these kinds of breathing exercises very quickly, and then you will have a way to deal with panic attacks whenever you realize that one is coming on. (Since you have to breathe anyway, you might as well do it in a way that causes panic attacks to dissipate quickly.)

Both of these things should help a great deal, and I hope they do help YOU.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. I wish you weren't. :(

nightmares.

Not about the church; once I resigned, I realized that they had no power over me, and it was over.

But I had a brutally abusive mother, and later, a similarly-inclined spouse.

Even after nearly 26 years of a safe and happy marriage to the sweetest guy ever, I still get nightmares about one or the other of the Gruesome Twosome. The nightmares have triggered irregular heartbeats that required going to the ER for IV medication to make my heart settle back into regular rhythm.

Yes, the panic and anger do return at times. I am the most passive, peaceful person you could meet. But I Punch and Kick Joseph Smith in the belly and face (and other places) in exercise class.

I get panicked all the time and i am not really sure what to do about it.

I had uncles and aunts whose great pleasure was in the put down. Since my dad was the crap on it child of the family I took a lot of emotional abuse from his brothers and sisters.
I still have undefined, unresolved anger issues that occasionally crop up at the most inopportune times.

Oh i hate my aunts and uncles. I get triggered big time when i think about them. They are some judgemental bastards.

After over 5 years, I like to think I'm over it. But once in a while some serious anger wells up over the travesty of it all. The good ship Mormonism has been getting shot full of holes since day one, but stays afloat through sheer denial. They've known all along, but whistling past the graveyard is all they know.

Bernie Madoff only stole $50B. TSCC steals your soul too. But, you can't fix stupid. The cult makes you stupid and keeps you stupid. Everyone's a victim of a really bad institution. I really hope the leaders go down with their ship.