-My computer tells me "lurkdum" isn't a word. But Mormonism isn't a religion and that's the topic here so my fake word fits right in-

So hello all you internet peoples! I've been quietly sitting in that dark little corner under the stairs there (someone might want to dust) for awhile watching the conversations and trying to figure which way is up. I "think" I now feel confident enough to come right out and introduce myself.

I'm "Tired" and I fairly recently was accidentally exposed by a dear friend to the truth behind the lies of the LDS ... well, I can't really call it the LDS Church anymore. It feels like a lie to even attach the word "Church" to "LDS". It started off with just an introduction to some more independent LDS'ers ... and then finding more progressive LDS'ers on subjects like LGBT issues ... and then this topic about some sort of "CES Letter" kept coming up in things I was reading about, again, hadn't crossed over to the "dark side" yet. Well, the CES Letter turned everything, just everything inside out.

I am a convert to the LDS'ers, joining in my late teens. I'm now a stay at home asteroid miner and sometime homeschooling parent to a teenager and try my best to get theothe special needs child on his bus each morning with out pop tart filling in his hair. I had been raised a rather strict fundamentalist evangelical Christian but due to a "restructuring year" that left the church without a youth department -guess they might need to restructure a few things when the youth pastor is found to have fathered all three of out of wedlock "scandals" in the youth group that past year. My parents were grateful I so quickly found a group and that it wasn't the Catholics. Anything but that. Well, that was until a few week after they signed for me to be baptized. Then they did research. And then they were afraid for me. My parents love me and they really did mean well. The camp they sent me to in Malaysia was the worst they could have done to de-convert me at the time but they were desperate. At church, I was always treated a little different. My parents both smoked, so by extension, I always smelled of smoke. With job markets and schools at the time, we just always didn't have the money to always have even the thrift store brand items let alone anything name brand. I was in the boundaries for one of the most well off Wards in the entire area. The 16 and up crown of LDS'ers in the fairly large ward "didn't date". We all had twice weekly group activities, supervised, planned and funded by our parents, our YM/YW leadership's personal pockets and our Bish's personal wallet. Move nights (always at one of the before mention adults home) with snacks, Scavenger Hunts with teammates assigned by luck of the draw and school prom and homecoming dances were always a group activity with us all going as a group, no one ever pairing off. It seemed great. Looking back at it now. That's weird as heck.

I married my best friend, having actually never had gone on a date with him, ever. Just a phone call one day after his high school graduation asking me to please go to the local court house and apply for a marriage license and mail it off to him for him to sign with the lawyer there. What a way to propose I guess? (he had already left home for his military service, because of issues with his parents, while he maybe one day though he might want to serve a mission, the cold hard truth was that for his sanity, he needed to get out, get out fast and have a plan. The military offered an opportunity for that and he took it)

Because of his age at the time of our marriage, we were unable to have our wedding in the LDS'ers Temple. This ticked me off something good. First, by all rules and standards, we had done EVERYTHING right. We had paid every last penny in tithing to those stupid little envelopes and walked up in front of the entire ward where the Bishy made a big production of getting his precious little envelope and putting it into his pocket. We had never broken the law of chastity. Ever. Not even stretched the law of chastity. None. Nothing. The day of my wedding, two hours before we were legally man and wife, he sat next to me in a chair while the Bishy was going over the words of the ceremony and my then soon to be honey took hold of my hand, squeezed it tight, said he can't wait to love me forever, and then sweetly put my hand back on my lap. That, that right there, just that, that is about as close as you will get EVER in coming ANY where near anything in our relationship that had anything to do with the law of chastity. No, we were unable to be married into the temple not because of a worthiness issue. We were not able to be married into the temple not because of issues due to how long I had been a member. No, We were not allowed to be married into the LDS most sacred of sacred building because my husband's birthday was 45 days too late. A female doesn't have a minimum age (other than what the legal age for marriage in that state) to enter the temple. A male must have reached the age of 18 to receive the Priesthood to enter the temple to be married. But you know, honestly, now, looking back, I'm GLAD it worked out this way. My non LDS family was there. HIS LDS family, who were less than thrilled that he had selected ME to be his bride, did as little as possible to assist my family in the setting up and taking down of the decorations and food from the reception (which, in the LDS'ers defense, I just don't think they understand, a LDS marriage and reception is VERY different than any marriage ceremony and reception I have EVER been to). But my daddy got to walk me down to the Bishop (who made it very clear, this wasn't walking down the isle, we don't do that it seems). My Uncle, who has sung this same song at the wedding of every one of his sisters, brothers, nephews, nieces, cousins, and even now great grand children was able to singe to me. The woman that played some very special songs during our wedding, played the piano at my parents wedding, and I honestly didn't gives a rat's behind if it upset the piano player that always does the weddings in that building. So I got to have MY wedding. At it was ok. It gets a little more than just a little annoying when people would ask "So what temple where you married in" and we explain that we were married in a LDS Chapel, received endowments in the Chicago temple on our 6 month anniversary and had to wait a little after our 1st anniversary to be sealed in the temple (9/11/01 had the temples closed for a few extra days). I get annoyed at the "knowing" little looks they give each other. "ooohhh here is a couple that had to do a church building marriage and go to the temple later. now we understand." And then you see the wheels in their heads turning connecting all the other problems we have been struggling with (premature very high risk birth of now teenage LGBT inquiring teen with Aspergers, multiple late second and early third trimester still births, stroke, autoimmune disorder, cancer, brain tumors, a violent sexual assault and assault on our then 3 year old child, the struggles of the now 3 year old child from brain cyst, developmental delays, failure to thrive and a whole list full of every other problem under the son that these people attribute not to chance/science/luck/crime rates but to an obvious serious spiritual lacking on my part. Some sin. Some spiritual failing has brought these things on our family. And until I stand up and not only recognize what they are but correct them, they will only continue to happen, each new tragedy or event being more and more devastating until I finally give in or give up.

We have been married for a fun filled 15 or so years. We have had some of the lowest lows that I didn't think we would survive. We have had some of the highest highs that we used to carry us through some rough spots. He is still my best friend. I love him to bit. He still annoys the heck out of me. And I annoy the heck out of him. Which is our job. One of the hardest things honestly throughout our marriage has been when we have a tragedy or other event that clearly is one that would make any sane person stop, reevaluate the situation and remove the crap that brings nothing but heartache and drama into an already overloaded and stressed marriage. When our first son passed away not long after his birth, many within our own ward even before our son was buried, would, in what they felt was a loving way, inquire what it was in our lives that HF was trying so very hard to get us to change. It obviously had to be something significant if the only way HF could get our attention was to take the life of our dears west child. Like. Who the flip does that -I did not fully read the rules regarding the use of swear words inside post but if this sentence didn't deserve a curse or two, I'm not sure which post would-

I am very thankful for my husband. I was a nervous wreck the night after I read the CES letter. It was such an earth shaking letter that I couldn't just not share it with him.I waited until all the small people were in bed and he was comfortable and asked if he could please look at something with an open mind. I one it was quite long and that I wan't asking him to look at the entire thing but at least the first 20 pages. With a few grumbles and a few rolled eyes, he agreed. And then he kept reading. And reading. And reading. I remember when he was done, rolling over and quietly whispering, "Did I just break you?" To which he answered, "No, you just found where it put into words every sings issue I had with being LDS. So, How do we resign?"

I guess this is where we are now in our journey, our transition. It's important when making this transition that we are doing it for the right reasons, that we are in a safe place and that we are not putting our family in jeopardy when we do this.Right now, because of a medical treatment that I am undergoing, a treatment that is trial program and run by a totally believing vindictive mormon jerk that has in the past used the authority he has in his position to make things more difficult for a family that had resigned from the LDS'ers. They got their care, but they sure had to jump through 100 more hoops than normal to get it. With the chemo and radiation process that we have before us, this just isn't the battle I can fight. So now isn't the safe place and time for us to resign. But it is the time for us to start walking away.

Baby steps.
This week, I took the opportunity of clearing my FaceBook page from the over 400 friends, 1/4 being TBM'ers I knew from our original "HomeWard" and 1/4 we had met while traveling during my husband's nearly 16 years in military services.
And now, everything has changed. If they had no other connection to me than simply being LDS'ers, they no longer find themselves in my feed. I don't need that. I did take what I thought was the mature and responsible step, which I was later criticized for, and privately mailed the few youth on my FB friends list, also including their parents in the mail, letting them know that they were very special young ladies (these were YW that we have used in the past as child care)and that we loved them and we hoped to continue to communicate with them using the Google chat we had set up with them and their parents but as FB postings were becoming more and more about political issues and my not wanting to get in the way of their parents parental authority on how and what to teach their own youth on these subject, I thought it best to remove the youth from my page. (Sigh, was that not the responsible thing to do?) I've kept the page pretty mellow, only sharing a article here and there that cause a raised eyebrow, and loss of a friend or two, but it has been .... uplifting. I am tired of hiding who I am. I know who I am. I might not know exactly what I believe anymore. I sure as heck know what I don't believe. And I know what I stand for and what I stand against and I'm not going to stand still and be quiet and I'm not going to be ashamed of that. And that feels. .... Good. For the first time in over 15 years. I. Feel. Good. Inside and out. Top of my head to the bottom of my toes. It feels good.

Oh, and drinking sweet ice tea again. oh my. Why oh why did I ever give that up???

(I truly do apologize for packing so much of just EVERYTHING into one post. Just finally being able to post, to say something, to stop hiding! I want to get it out, to be able to say AGGGHHH!!! Here is the insanity I find myself in, and sadly, for the safety of my family, at least for right now, it has to remain this way. For now. But by darn it, not much longer! So thank you all. Thank you all for the stories you have shared. Thank you for sharing your strength. Thank you for sharing your weak moments. Thank you for sharking where you went wrong. Thank you for when you were the raging lunatic screaming at the sky. You are giving me the strength that I can get through this. I may need some good non LDS therapy sessions before it is all said and done, but I happen to have some good insurance for that. So thank you for the journey, for your ears, and for not throwing rocks at me for being slightly obnoxiously annoying.)

So for those of you that made it this far, I do have a few questions/things that make me go hmmmm....

I am on Nativa American decent. The Mishies played big on that fact during my discussions. When I went to get my the Patriarch made a big deal out of it. My Patriarchal Blessing was somehow this "BIG" ordeal because of the length, some of the content and the lineage (I think that's the word I'm wanting to use here). I was told I am in the "Tribe of Judah" but that by my adoption, I am in part now also the "Tribe of Manasseh"... has anyone else every had a 8 page (front and back print) Patriarchal Blessing and what the heck sort of mind games are they playing putting someone in two houses?

When we DO turn in our letters of resignation, my husband plans to send a registered letter, notarized (we love our crazy eclectic agnostic licensed notary that lives next door) saying we are resigning, our children are resigning, we wish no further contact and that this letter also serves as a no contact order for the LDS missionaries and other representatives (to be mailed to the local Bishy/SP and SaltMistake). IF they CONTINUE to harass our family after this point, even in their fake smarmy way, do we have, in your non legal advice way, have enough grounds to have a request of restraint placed against them? My teenage son can no longer walk the dog in our neighborhood without the mihies tracking him down and putting him on the spot, without the YM's press doing the same or without some of the older boys "just happening" to be in the area 'just when our son happens to be out with the dog" and they want to say hey and that they've missed him. No LDS'ers live in our neighborhood. No LDS'ers live on the street in front of our neighborhood. There are no connecting neighborhoods in our community. They are out right finding opportunities, depute our asking them to stop, to find our child, out on his own, to speak, and try to guilt/intimidate him, back into church attendance (my child has Aspergers, an issue the local congregation seems to think can be resolved if I just spanked him more and and he is currently investigating who and what he is with his questions regarding personal LGBTQ issues, that we fully support him in whatever decision, or even lack of a decision, he makes. ... I don't want these people around. They have been asked to stop making contact. They play it off as "just happening to see him" I'm not buying it. Is my resignation all it will take to end this behavior

And last

How long did it take you after you learned that the LDS'er way of life, and specially rules regarding food and drink were garbage, to start venturing into areas of foods/drinks/other subjects that were off limits before your personal revaluation? My "aha" moment this week has been tea. And it has made a world of a difference as I go through my chemo treatment. How long did it take you to venture into coffee? Tea? Alcohol? Tattoos? Multiple Earrings? Or, gasp, A Two Piece SwimSuit!

(Thank you for reading my journal)

You are an amazing writer. Kudos on your trip out of Mormondom.

From what many other posters have advised here, as you transition out you will make the timing for changes in diet, drinks, and clothing at your own pace.

Congraulations.!

I used to be so proud of the 'Lamanite' part of my heritage. Now I'm so embarrassed and mentally apologized to my First Nations people (as we call them in Canada) for calling them Lamanites.

Congratulations on doing so well. :o)

No, we do not fall apart, just because we've left 'the Church,' which I now tend to call 'the Corporation.'



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2015 08:58AM by Greyfort.

Welcome to the board! Thank you for sharing your story.
Finding out what you like on this life's journey and going through the stages of grief take time. Hmmm .... Seems like those of us that experienced pain and hardship have been able to wake up to the Mormon fraud.
Thanks for the reminder about tea. Might try it more often than the occasional wine! Sorry the past members were so judge-(mental) and hurtful. Can see why you are concerned by the attention your son gets from the unwelcome "visitors"

Thinking of you this morning and concerned for you going through the chemo. Sharing a sight that I like to read and listen to mps
https://archive.org/ (audio tab, audio books, Libivox or Radio programs) also I like to listen to old time radio sometimes.
Wondered if you like to hear other's experiences also
2014 talk at the exmormon foundation conference October 2014; by RuthAnn and Kenn Sullivan's experience of learning and leaving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeMQtQ3XJWs

Listening to Grant Palmer (2012) or Steve Hassan Releasing the Bonds(2008) were talks that we appreciated after we left.

Best wishes to you on your journey ;o)

Edited for typos and errors(left hand types fasted than right!)



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2015 09:11AM by optional2.

Best of luck with all this. Good to have you here.

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a load of bullsh!t you've had to put up with. TSCC members can be soooo effing judgmental and nosy. Its none of their damn business how/where you got married, have lived your life, etc. Damn cult!

I have a grandson with Aspergers and I would be furious if anyone suggested his parents weren't righteous. He just started homeschooling this week because he was bullied at school and the teachers & admin. don't understand him.

Good for you guys figuring it all out. I've been married to TBM DH for 36 years. I'm not officially out (but consider myself ex-mo), and DH might never "want to" figure it out. At least he's not active or rabid about TSCC which makes my life a little easier.

Welcome to RfM. My home away from the insanity of home.

Dear Hiding,

Your story was like watching a movie.

Always know that this board is here for you!


In public, I often make up words and ask those present if that is a word or not.

Myself; I would spell 'lurkdum' this way: lurkdom, like 'kingdom'...

Welcome!!!!

Breeeeeedum

An AMAZINg story tiredofhiding. Thankyou SO much for sharing it with us.

I feel SO bad for all the issues you are facing, and can only send my love and best wishes to you and your family - I SO wish that there was more I could do. I hope and pray (and I still do pray - in my own non-LDS way now) that your treatment goes REALLY well and that your health returns.

I also know that you will do what it right about tscc as you take each step, it is obvious you have thought it all out very carefully, and that you and your husband are doing this together - is wonderful.

Take care, and I hope to see you here often. Please keep us posted as to your progress health wise and with your journey out.

Congratulations! Consider yourself fortunate that your husband is hitting the exit door with you. Many are not so lucky.

You are both your own team (give yourselves a team name for solidarity) and will become stronger protecting each other.

Good luck on your path!

Congratulations on your discovery and changes in your life. Take your time, do things at your own pace, and enjoy. Don't feel like you need to rush or overcompensate for things you missed, you have the rest of your life!

Hi tiredofhiding. I just wanted to say that I read your story, and want to congratulate you on making your great escape. Hearing that you’re fighting an illness, I’m happy to see you escaping the stress of Mormonism, the world of the over-dressed. I'm one of the nevermo’s who hangs out here, and maybe that was even me you saw screaming and waving my fists at the sky like a madman … and I’m an atheist, so what was I thinking? Anyhow, welcome … it’s good to see you here. :)

Welcome from Lurkdom!! I just wanted to throw in my welcome since I'm also native (100%). I don't say a lot around here so I've been a lurker since around 1998. One thing that you might go through is an anger stage. Don't get too wrap up in it. Get through it and you will be enjoying life without an LDS thought in your head popping up. Welcome from Phoenix, AZ, USA!!!

Thank you everyone for such a warm welcome!

Honestly, every day our decision is just more and more certain and I can't wait to be healthy so I can be, well, healthy, have fun wrestling with the small people again, ride my bike and turn in my resignation. Probably in that order of importance. I'm not going to allow them too much power over me anymore now that I know it's all just a lie