I have had several family/friends continue to talk to me about my 'Faith Crisis'. When I tell a TBM that it is no longer a crisis, it is a full awakening, they just don't get it. My eyes are wide open and I see the world more clearly now. I've noticed that when they realize that it is no longer a crisis, they are forced to accept the fact that I am never coming back to TSCC. Some stop trying to change me at that point. Others, unfortunately, stop caring about me.

Also, I keep having people tell me that I need to continue to 'Doubt my doubts'. I have no doubts. I discovered facts. It's that simple. I factually know that the church is not true. I have no doubts to doubt. This ends the conversation immediately with TBMs.

It was not a matter of doubts or a crisis of faith for me either.

It was like awakening from a bad dream.

Part of marketing and salesmanship is framing the conversation using terms.

The Mormon church intends to frame the conversation of its fraud in such a way as to shift the burden of proof into disproving faith (pretending to know something) over accepting facts.

The Mormon church has never been what it claims to be. It has been a proven fraud from the beginning. Started by a known con man. Almost everyone that has encontered or experienced Mormonism has recognized it as a fraud.

They feel more comfortable with "faith crisis" because that implies there is hope for someone to emerge from the crisis and return to the flock.

It is like a slap in the face to them because that is their identity. They are their religion. Rejecting their religion is rejecting them. You have rejected your place at the celestial dinner table, after all that cooking and preparation they did for you...!

They either love you or they don't. If you playing a role to maintain their righteous facade is your main purpose-to be a place holder, they will reject you-since you will no longer participate in the facade.

Some people come around years later, but still won't acknowledge that they behaved abhorrently. (After all, it's your fault, YOU left the church.) That relationship goes on as long as you pretend nothing ever happened.

Hopefully, with more people leaving the church, parents will have more member friends with children who have left-who still love and accept their children/grandchildren. (Examples that leaving the church doesn't need to be the end of the world for extended family...)

Sorry this is such a painful transition-dealing with family legacy... Best wishes to you.

Right on! Wonderful post!

This hits the nail, squarely.

You speak the words I've been speaking since I recently stopped going to Church. I have found it helpful to have a few memorized responses. My standard answer to the offensive implication of such TBM inquiries:

"No, I don't have questions I have answers, and no I am not having any faith crisis at all. I am doing quite well and am just real good these days, thank you for asking ...(then I put on my puzzled look and say)' You know I'm curious, why are you worried that I might have some sort of questions or may be in some sort of crisis?"

If they are decent folk but press I just bring up the Nauvoo Polygamy essay, mention that it seemed not to paint the best picture of JS and ask them what their take was on it. Were they 'troubled' by anything. Usually they are unaware of it or admit they've not read it. Then I say my other memorized response to such dialogs which is "...look, I'd be happy to talk to you about 'X' after you've read it. But honestly right now I feel it would be unethical to point the items that I found troubling as that could raise troubling questions for you. That is just not a kind thing to do to another person. I mean, if you ended up changing your mind about the church how would friends and family react? Think about it, how would your wife respond, your parents respond, or your kids respond if you told them you did not believe anymore and are going to stop going to church. Just think about that." The I wait in silence until they start talking."

Yes, devious. But can make a TBM blink for a moment. Then comes the dissonance and often their subconscious will stop them from going any further.

I actually bumped into a local church leader who offered the standard "how are you doing" greeting, to which I replied "I'm doing good, how are you these days?" His reply to me was "no, you're not doing good, I know you're not doing good." I was stunned, we were in a public area at a place of work with people we both knew walking by. I replied, "why would you say such a thing, what makes you think that." Then came the expected probing questions without any regard to where we were standing. I fall back on my standard reply pattern above (which is the complete truth). Then, if you refuse cower TBM style and play the TBM ballgame the usual the TBM narratives runout pretty quickly.

But if I get a 'snarky' holier than thou inquiry they get a very pointed retort, almost all of which I learned here from others here on rfm, in return. If I get the standard "you just need to pray .... And sometimes you just need to have faith ... " then I get pretty snarky with the "... so, what you're asking me to do is to pray about something until I come up with your answer? Really?" Then comes my walking away part.

Key takeaway. Have a plan. Memorize several versatile reaponses. This will help a lot as you navigate your early post Mormon interactions.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2015 04:51PM by mannaz.

Yep, I have no doubts. None. I know TSCC is false. I know by reasoning, by scientific proof, and by a burning in my bosom, that TSCC is a fraud.

My response

In a still small quiet voice I say...

"I want to ask you quietly and respectfully...if the Nephites were imaginary people would you want to know?"

Then watch their face!