So there's this guy. He's nice. He likes coming to see me. He likes going out. We go places. But he won't touch me. I've given him every chance to get to first base...then second...not to mention third but nothing happens. So I tried the direct approach. Tight sexy latex dress, big steak dinner, candlelight. His only comment was that he thought the dinner was nice but not as good as his mother's cooking. He didn't notice the dress or my hair or the six inch heels. But he still likes coming to see me. Most guys tell you if they just want to be friends but he's not like that. He won't say anything. I'm confused.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/01/2016 10:50PM by anybody.

I gather you're beyond the third date...

I tend to put women on a pedestal ... til after the third date. I am sure that is due to my mormon upbringing, but I gather your guy is not an Exmo.

What you've described is beyond my understanding, as a semi-demi-hemi normal male. I don't understand spending time with a woman in a situation where it's a given that the guy is standing on home plate and she's cheering for him to swing the bat (you should forgive me...).

I hate the notion that he just wants to be friends. I'm of the opinion that a guy and a gal cannot remain platonic, (at least in the mind of one or both) if they are heterosexual and enjoy each other's company. But this is just my opinion.

In my experience, he's either gay, asexual, or terrified.

Or he just doesn't like you that way. I wouldn't invest any more time in him.

And I thought these days gay guys wouldn't have to date girls to prove anything to themselves.

Maybe he's shy and you're coming on a little too strong.

c12 knows the deal.

Or she can take him for a ride.

ANYBODY,do you need a new car?

Have you tried asking him? He probably knows what's going on in his own mind better than anyone here.

What do you mean? You explicitly asked him if he was interested in having a sexual relationship with you, and he just remained silent?

And I wasn't that direct. I asked him about being friends or a romantic relationship. He would give me a hug but not try and kiss. We talked about a lot of things but not romantic things and he was totally oblivious to what I was was wearing or me as if my femininity did not exist to him.

He's not interested (for whatever reason) and doesn't want to say it, possibly to spare your feelings. Either accept him and the situation as it is, or tell him, "Hey, I am only interested in a romantic relationship. If that's not what you want, I'm out."

Remember that catchphrase from a few years back?

He's just not that into you.

It's okay.

for a relationship. C'est la vie. Thanks.
(sigh)

Insecurity and desperation are bad foundations for a relationship. I know, because I've done it.

he would stay 10-15 minutes then leave. He only answered direct questions with yes/no. Trying to figure him out made my head hurt. Finally he stopped.

I got to eat dinner at Bill Walton's in-laws' house with him once though. Great Mexican food.

Thank you. I thought maybe it was just me. Very creepy, "nice" notwithstanding.

I'd stick to email with this guy, until your head stops hurting.

You'd be shocked at how clueless some guys can be. He could be completely blind to all of your signals.

I know that women like to be chased, but at some point you should just grab him and start kissing. If he reciprocates, you're in. If he doesn't, you have your answer.

Let us know how it goes.

No. Do not do this. Because if the situation were reversed and you were dating someone you weren't really all that into, and he just grabbed you and kissed you, we would be squalling about sexual assault.

Also, no good ever comes of emotionally forcing yourself on someone.

Have you ever dated someone who WAS really into you? I assume you have. How did that person act? Did he respond to texts right away, call you right back, contact you almost immediately after dates, seem happy to see you? Even before the first kiss, if there's some tentative touching, body language is positioned toward one another -- there's lots of ways to read someone's nonverbal communication. This guy is communicating that he doesn't want to add anything physical to your friendship.

It's fine to hang out with him as a friend, I guess, but if you have romantic notions about this guy, you should cut him off and find someone who is into you.

You never, ever have to push it or get aggressive with someone who is into you. A guy who wants to be with you WILL CLOSE THE FUCKING DEAL. If he doesn't want to be with you, you'll get this indifferent attitude.

anybody Wrote:
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> His only comment was that he thought the dinner was nice but not as good as his mother's cooking.

I would have been finished with him right there. lol

If you've been extremely direct with him, i.e. grabbed him and kissed him, as East Coast Exmo said, or planted a hand in the middle of his chest and pushed him down onto a bed, and there is still nothing happening, you have your answer.

I just felt silly. So far as I know he's not seeing anyone else. There's not much else I can do. The whole thing was very perplexing. I don't get to meet nice guys. Mostly the short ones who are into the tall woman fetish and don't have anything in common with me. When I meet a tall guy who I do have things in common with he's not interested. Life is strange, no?

In my younger days, I never knew a healthy, available man who didn't respond to Bond girl. :)

The key word is available. His heart may be elsewhere or for whatever reason he is just not physically and/or emotionally available to you. Best to cut your losses.

Funny how the "direct approach" seems to be dropping hints, beating around the bush (no pun intended), and deciding what clothes to wear.

Those are all indirect approaches. I suggest the *actual* direct approach -- frank, honest discussion.

Some guys like to string girls (and the reverse is true, too) along to see if something better will come around. The comment about his mom's cooking being better is a red flag to me and is an indicator of a momma's boy who never wants to grow up (that's from experience with a tall, lanky geek I married and then divorced.) Don't sell yourself short. Have a conversation, be direct, and then move on if he's still evasive.

He sounds a bit like Sheldon. (My wife watches sitcoms in bed when she's under the weather. Otherwise I'd have no clue as to Sheldon's identity.) Is the guy off-the-charts intelligent in ways other than social intelligence, or is he clueless in all areas?

Maybe he still has manners. There are a few guys that still have them today, even with the secularization, liberalization, and feminization of today's woman (yikes!). He's probably a virgin. I'd say if you sincerely like him get to know him a little more.

It's like George Washington once said, he once had a jack-ass that was so stubborn and he couldn't get him interested in the females, but after a while the Jack Ass proved to be very romantic with the ladies and it was a tender scene, etc.

"Nerdy" is often another way of saying Asperger's...

...and I've known a great many people with Asperger's in my life (including close relatives, kids I grew up with, and people who have been pivotally important parts of my adult life). Many of the most creative, gifted, and accomplished people in the arts (and in science and math of course) are (and always have been)Asperger's.

If I were you, I would do some Googling about Asperger's, and how Asperger's is expressed in boyfriends/romantic partners, and see if what you find in your Googling fits your personal situation.

My life is heavily Asperger's-oriented, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but if you are not Asperger's, you need to find out if this would work for you.

Asperger's partners can be the best partners ever, but only if they fit with your authentic self, AND if you are willing to make the allowances which will be necessary, at the least from time to time.

and he told me the main thing he was interested in about me was my mind that I wasn't the "typical" non-intellectual female. All of this was music to my ears as I usually hear the exact opposite.

I kept waiting for the moment when he'd take the Clark Kent glasses off and turn into Superman but it never came... :|

If you haven't already seen the movie, try watching "The Mirror Has Two Faces," with Barbra Streisand.

It describes the kind of relationship this guy seems to want to have with you.

Or he may just want to be friends. Or is asexual?

Does he have a name tag that says "Elder Smith"?