Our TBM parents had 7 bic babies: 6 sons & 1 daughter. 5 sons served missions. Eventually 4 of us kids went exmo (many years ago), while three remained TBM.

My exmo sister and I (in Oregon) talked to our brother (southern Utah) on the phone at noon today (Tuesday), and he seemed to be recovering at home after discharge from the hospital yesterday, including 3 days in ICU for a systemic staph infection (after 12 days of nasty flu) and severe aortic heart valve stenosis. After the phone call, we breathed a sigh of relief that he seemed stabilized after the first night at home, with a much-overdue heart valve replacement upcoming in about a month to give the infection time to clear before heart surgery.

About an hour after we talked with him on the phone at noon and he seemed OK, he was sitting on the couch. He asked for a pain med because his chest was hurting badly. Within a few minutes he lost consciousness and his heart stopped. One of his sons in the room with him is an EMT and did CPR on him until the ambulance arrived with a defib, but he could not be revived.

Our dear brother died today ... about an hour after he seemed OK talking on the phone.

My sister (who reads and enjoys RfM regularly) is simply shattered with the loss, and I'm crying as I type this post. He was too young (age 60). A truly decent human being with siblings, children and grandkids who loved him dearly and will sorely miss his calm and loving presence.

Today I've already heard some cliche' responses from TBMs in my family. I am posting this very personal news today because I know that some of you will respond with true compassion and authenticity ... usually found only in human beings who are allowed to be who they really are, and to feel however they naturally feel. Most of you know what I mean.

Thank you in advance for being there and for reading this, and for feeling what you are feeling right now. It's a comfort to know you are out there.

Thank you so much.

beyondashadow

========

My sister just requested that I add this to the OP:

"You can tell the exmo board we called as his 'home teachers' as usual and laughed about blessing oil etc and I told him I loved him right before he left."



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 12/24/2014 03:31AM by beyondashadow.

Oh, I am so sorry for your loss.

Our support and hope go out to you.

May God, The Great Spirit, Buda, Elohim, Jahova, Zeus, Thor, Oberon, and any other divine entity you may or may not believe in grant you comfort and peace in these trying times.

Gods speed to you and yours.

Cracker

So sorry for your loss.

I'm really sorry - I have tears in my eyes after reading your heartfelt tribute. Unexpected and very sad. He sounds like a wonderful person who will truly leave a void with his passing.

My deepest sympathy to you and cricket and your entire family.
Peace to all of you.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I sincerely hope that your family will experience a depth of love and togetherness as you morn the death of your brother. You are in our hearts and thoughts.

The Best of luck to you! HUGS

My deepest sympathy on the loss of your brother. Losing a beloved sibling is devastating (I lost a sister many years ago) and my heart goes out to you both. May you find comfort in each other and in shared memories. Cyber hugs going your way tonight.

I have an inclining of your loss as I lost my brother this year. It's hard ! We were not that close anymore, but we had an eternal bond.

Grief is the price we pay for love. I am sorry for your loss.

My condolences to you. Be assured we fellow ex-Mormons will have our hearts thinking of you as you go through this difficult time, especially so close to Christmas.
One thing that struck me: He died a Free man. He was not a prisoner of, nor slave to the cult.
This is one of the greatest gifts to be thankful for -- that his life was not waisted as a Morg slave.

I lost my father at 35, my wife at 48 and my mother at 50. I was primary care provider for all of them into death and was holding their hands as they drew their last breaths. And my sister committed suicide a few weeks ago as I am 55.

I will pay you the respect of not offering platitudes and supposedly comforting fictions. I offer my condolences and personal experience that grief can be assimilated in time. Sometimes professional counseling is needed, as it was for me with my wife. Know that your brother's legacy and memory will live on in those who knew him.

I am sorry for your loss.

I have no words except I'm really sorry you've lost so many loved ones.

Sending my love to all of your brother's loved ones. I'm so sorry this has happened to him and I wish you all comfort at this incredibly sad time.

I am SO sorry love, for you and cricket and the rest of your family.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

My heart goes out to you, beyondashadow and cricket...and to your extended family as well.

I am so sorry.

:(

Having almost lost my husband to a heart condition I know how tricky they can be. I hope you are all able to pull together and find comfort in each other.

beyondashadow and cricket, I'm so sorry for your grievous loss. We all know or expect that our parents will die one day, but to lose a sibling is a most agonizing loss and one that we can never seem to wrap our heads around. I extend my condolences to you both. What a family, 6 boys and 1 girl. What happy times you must have shared together and what love you must have known. I hope that you can draw on those memories and may they bring you comfort now and in the dark days ahead. Be gentle with yourselves in your time of grief. Sending you big comforting hugs from this MexMom.

Brings up painful memories of me losing my brother when he was only 41. And some of the responses from my TBM family and other mormons trying to "console" me over the loss...only to make me even more angry over my grief. I heard all the cliche's like, "His body is only a glove" and youll see him again soon, and yada yada. Don't need to get into it all. His death was mentioned a week or two after General Conference and was the basis of Gordo Hinckley's main conference talk about war. My sisters invited me to front row seats reserved for our family in the new supernachle. I refused to go. And I'm glad I didn't. I heard that after conference they were trying to convert his non-mo wife and I was furious. Anyway, not trying to turn your grief into my grief. Just saying that sometimes death within the momo church can be extremely painful to the non-believers. Even approaching the level of extreme insult. There's not much of anywhere to go with the anger that comes from that other than maybe to come to this board and vent.

Being told my many well intentioned people over the years including the TBM's in my family that time heals all wounds, my response has always been, "there's a big hole in my heart that he used to occupy. Why in the world would I ever try to fill in that hole??? That hole is where he used to reside. I never want to fill it in or forget him. Instead, I have grown my heart and made it stronger in order to take the pain..and I'm a better man for it. I hope you are able to find and recall all the good memories of your brother. As for me, the one thing that keeps him alive are my memories and especially hearing the memories that I have never heard from his friends. Hearing each new recollection makes him live on in my heart. I hope you can find a place to do the same. People don't understand sometimes and are afraid to bring up his memory. They don't understand how important their memories, each new story are so important to me. I wish you well...

I wish you my deepest condolences and best wishes to your family in this difficult time.

I am so sorry for your loss. Allow yourself your grief and mourn him well. I am happy that you were able to talk with him before his sudden death and that he was able to feel your joy for his hope of recovery and know that you cared about him. I hope that this sad time can bring your family closer. Care for them and allow them to care for you as well.

I'm so sorry for the tragedy that hit your family on Tuesday. I understand the stress that this roller coaster has been for you. First he's sick, then he's better, then all of a sudden he's gone. It's so tough for everyone. I hope that you will all share your wonderful and fun memories of your brother.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. What a horrible tragedy. I am glad you got to talk to him, though, and hope the memory of that last conversation will be comforting to you when the shock and pain of this isn't so acute.

Peace be with you.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother. He sounds like a wonderful man that was greatly loved.

I lost a brother when I was 15 (he was on his mission) and a sister at 40 when I was 38. Take all the time you need to grieve,and be sure and take care of yourself.My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

My sister just requested that I add this to the OP:

"You can tell the exmo board we called as his 'home teachers' as usual and laughed about blessing oil etc and I told him I loved him right before he left."

so sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss. You two are great asset around here.

So sad to lose the people we love burglars to have them in our lives for the time we are granted. Hugs to all.

So sorry for the loss. This is a tough thing to hear. You and Cricket hang in there. Big hugs to you.

Oh no...

I am so sorry.

What a terrible loss.

Thinking about you from across the ocean and across the internet.
Wishing you love and strenght and light.

So sorry to hear this. 60 is way too young. My thoughts are with you.

I'm sorry.

Other Susan

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you both.

I've never met you, but Cricket is one of my oldest and closest friends in the Ex-mormon community.

I'll give him a later today.

...please give him my love as well.

not knowing what/how you believe, may you be comforted in your grief. My sincere condolences to you and yours.

My condolences to you & cricket on your loss. I'm glad you got to speak to him before he passed.

My dad had been unwell (but not seriously ill) and I spoke to him after he had cataract surgery and he said it went well. Three days later, he collapsed at home and died. As shattering as his unexpected passing was, I got a bit of comfort from that last phone call because we didn't speak that often.

I hope you both find comfort in being able to have that last phone conversation with your brother. ((HUGS))

I'm SO sorry for your loss beyondashadow and cricket. I'm a big fan of both of you.
I didn't know you two are siblings.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your families!

I am so sorry for your loss. That is really tragic. Yes, he is YOUNG. I never realized how young that is until I got there. Very tragic and I hope you are able to find comfort knowing many people are thinking of you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know the sadness that comes with losing a sibling and the sense of loss that lingers. I'm glad you and your sister were able to have that conversation with him, hold on to the memory of that. I also ended my final conversation with my own brother with the words "I love you" said between us. It was probably the first time we had ever said said that to one another, and how glad I am that we did.
Deepest sympathy to you and your family, take care of yourselves.

Sad

Big hugs to you and your family.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sending comforting thoughts during this time of sadness to your entire family.

I'm sorry for your loss. It's So hard.

I found out one of my neighbors passed in southern Utah last night. His illness had come on very suddenly and doctors didn't know what was wrong. I'm sorry for his family too.

Yes, 60 is way too young. Truly sorry this good man will no longer brighten our planet.
Remember all the good times you had with him, and I hope those memories give you some comfort. I'm certain he made a mark on the world for good.

I'm sorry for your family. Sometimes tragedy brings us different kinds of holidays - I hope your "different" Christmas this year will be filled with comfort from the love of those around you, including those of us here who value and appreciate you both so much. Wishing you peace -

So sad to loose a sibling. May you have love, comfort and peace during this time of grief.

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a terrible tragedy.

I am very sorry for your lost. Hugs and good thoughts are going your way.

So sorry for your loss. It always hits you harder than you ever think it will. And deeper. 60 is way too young and there is no way to wrap your head around it as an older brother.

I hope all the good memories keep popping into your head as you go throughout the grieving process.

All the best to you from your fellow Argentina South survivor.

and to your family.

I am very sorry to hear this. I feel for your entire family. This is a time when you might want to post even more often and let us help you. That's one of the reasons we are here. So please don't hesitate to call on us.
Please give each other lots of hugs and hug his kids and grandkids extra from all of us too.
Peace be with you...

I'm so very sorry that you have, so suddenly, lost someone you love so much after the roller coaster of worry and anxiety followed by hope that he would be all right in the end.

My heart goes out to you and all those who loved him so.

So sorry for your loss. Hugs from MN.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am very sorry for you loss.

My sincere condolences to you all. Your dear brother has been doing some refinishing work for my neighbor. He was meticulous in his endeavors and a true craftsman! He is an amazing, wonderful man. He will be missed.

... which I just texted to his children.

And thank you all for the outpouring of compassion. Your expressions are touching my sister and me deeply.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/24/2014 05:05PM by beyondashadow.

What an incredibly difficult blow to think everything's OK, then your brother dies so shortly afterward. I'm so sorry about the shock you're feeling, and the sadness to come. My thoughts are with you both on this sad day.

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss..... what a heartache to lose a

Sibling. Somehow during the holiday season makes it worse.

Sending love and hugs for you and your family.

So sorry for your loss, condolences to you and your family

My deepest sympathies for your family. A loss is always hard but this time of year is especially tough.

I am so sorry for your loss. Peace to your souls as your grieve.

This is a tough Christmas Eve for you both. I just wanted to take a minute to add my hopes that you will find comfort in each other and your families!

No words can help. I just hope you'll find some comfort with family, and I'm sorry for your loss.

It is so difficult to lose a brother or sister (we lost our db, who would surely and hopefully not still be Mormon) - but as best I can, I suffer with you at this most difficult time.

M@t

having been through it myself, I can understand and sympathize - this is an ESPECIALLY awful time of year to lose a loved one - or two.

Take care and know that we all are with you in spirit.

Condolences and peace, I'm so sorry!

My heart goes out to you, cricket and the rest of your grieving family. There are little words that can comfort but I will say this -- the same memories that bring such pain will be the ones that later will bring a smile and provide the opportunity for your brother to have eternal life in all your memories of him.

He sounds like a wonderful person and will be sorely missed. You are indeed lucky to have had the opportunity for a final phone call.

Sending light your way,

Kathleen Waters

I have read and re-read all of your heart felt and timely words of comfort and wisdom. I am touched and grateful - thanks to all of you.

Three of the many that rang in my heart:

"but to lose a sibling is a most agonizing loss and one that we can never seem to wrap our heads around." by MexMom

Yes, I just can't wrap my head or heart around the fact that my little brother is no longer here.

"I will pay you the respect of not offering platitudes and supposedly comforting fictions. I offer my condolences and personal experience that grief can be assimilated in time." - Void K Packer

OMG - Void K Packer, thanks for sharing your agonies and the reality that you are still alive and "assimilating" your personal grief really does offer me hope that the intensity of this emotional pain will lighten up. My respect and condolences to you and your loved ones as well.

SL Cabbie: Thanks for your post and your personal phone call. I cherish our personal connection as well. Your presence in our exmo community adds such a human touch.

Having two exmo siblings helps in this situation as well.

Well, thanks for listening.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/25/2014 08:44PM by cricket.

Even though I may not have the right words, I only hope that you'll find peace in your heart and I'm so sorry for yours and your sister's loss. :(