I really enjoy this forum because it reflects the joy people find in freedom---loud laughter at its best. But I wonder at how easy it is to forget what all this party down atmosphere might feel like to a visiting mormon on this site. Yesterday a couple of TBMs wandered over here for some advice and some posters were very flippant. I personally like mormons and would like to see them freed from their bondage, but when they see how cold the water is at this site, why would they jump out of the nice warm kiddy pool into the big kid pool where the water is cold and the kids are mean? It's not my call, just my observation.

I get where you are coming from. But remember this is a site for recovery. Its for people to come and express how they feel. I personally feel that if someone is upset, then they should be able to express it. If someone comes on here and doesn't like it, then the internet is a big place and they can find something that more fits their mold.

Now being a complete jerk to someone isn't cool. But if a TBM, Nevermo, Searching Mo, or even Exmo comes on and doesn't like it cause someone is upset and is expressing that. Then they will just have to not like it. You can't please everyone.

I wonder why a TBM would come on to a site like this in the first place. And when I say TBM, I think of someone like my wife. Who has no desire to read about these things. Thinks I have gone off the deep end. So it would be strange in my mind if someone like that came on here. (Just my 2 cents)


I have heard from other sites and things about RFM. "They are so full of hate over there!" "That is a site full of upset and pissed people." and so on. But I don't see that. I see people who are hurt and upset sure. But I see people who help out others, who talk about their experiences. I love RFM and come on every day. It has helped me as a way to express my anger, sadness, confusion in a safe place. A place I don't have in the real world.

I see your +1,000,000 and raise you +1,000,000

+ 1,000,000,000



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/19/2014 02:57PM by wastedtime.

Rank and file TBMs might be advised to steer clear, but really, the leaders of the church that esteem image as their greatest asset will likely have organized browsing squads sifting through everything here. For research, for crafting lies, for reverse engineering claims, for plagiarizing, for drafting strategies, for knowing their enemy, for tracking/stalking, for SEO or cyber warfare, etc., they've been in the deception/disinformation business for a long time and have monetary interests for perusing sites like these

IMO (ignorant as it may be) this is mainly why you'll always find IP addresses from the church cropping up on just about every [anti] website

EDIT: Truth is anti literature to the Mormon church. They'll want to at least research it for fear of what gets out



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/19/2014 07:54PM by rid.

"That is a site full of upset and pissed people."

Well what if it is? More blaming the victim here.

"That is a site full of upset and pissed people."

Well what if it is? More blaming the victim here.


I don't think anyone is blaming upset or pissed off people here---it's highly therapeutic. It would be nice to set our own needs aside for a random visitor though, or skip replying to that person if you are feeling snarky--it doesn't happen that often, but could make a real difference in someone's life.

Disagree with your characterization, and I'm too old for little boy shaming

I was still a mormon the first time I came on this site. I understood the anger once I learned what they were angry about. I thought it was great that there was a place where you could say what you wanted about mormonism. At that point, mormons had been shushing me for over 50 years. I will not be shushed!

RFM is like an anarchic biker bar. One of the baddest biker bars on the Internet, just for exmos. Every once in a while, some TBM will wander in and try to start something. Susan usually shuts it down before the poor soul gets beaten to a pulp.

LOL! Actually we are very nice people. Just don't try to sell your $#1+ here. We ain't buying.

now let me get this straight ....


some mormons wandered over here and their sacred cows were gored ?

I'm not sure what is referenced. Why don't people (OPs) provide links when referencing another thread?

I know sometimes i will comment to the effect that For me RfM is not the Customer Service line for Mormonism.

The LDS church doesn't have a place to complain and I think TBMs, NOMs, and Jacks confuse RfM for the Customer Support line and that I/we are somehow complaining about Mormonism as unhappy customers, so believers can complain here as well

I am not a customer service representative of Mormonism. I fired my Mormon bishop. I am not looking to field concerns about how to get the most out of priesthood, or comfort the janitors that they are not poorly thought of by Mormon leadership for getting their assignments on short notice.

I know Mormonism very well. Better than most Mormons. If I could whistle blow, I would whistle blow. How do you whistle blow on a belief system? What trigger me and brought me here was watching Mitt Romney lie about Mormonism in his efforts to become a US President.

If speaking plainly about Mormonism and my feeling about Mormonism is a problem for Mormons then we shouldn't be communicating. 1.800.BELIEVE. Goes straight to the executive offices of LDS Corp in SLC.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2014 05:13PM by gentlestrength.

These were the two threads in question.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1462244

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1462470

I commented in both threads. In the first, I made a snarky "flippant" one-liner, despite the fact that I have never worn a beany copter.

In the second thread, I responded to the OP by answering the question he *should have asked* rather than the question he *did* ask. (Hey, if it's good enough for Oaks…) I advised him on how best to get the EQP off his butt, rather than how to make his EQ lessons more spiritual. Of all the answers he received, he chose to have his little hissy fit over mine, which I found very amusing.

They would probably want to avoid that kiddie pool with the warm water, if they knew why the water was warm (shudder).

If a mormon stays in the church because some ex-mormons ruffled their feathers, they're better off in the church.

Real Life is much harder than RfM!

RFM could also stand for Reality For Mormons. If they have the nerve to peek behind the curtain they deserve to see the truth in all its blatant glory.

And don't kid yourself. That's why they checked it out in the first place. They knew this wasn't the Sunbeams class before they every clicked their mouse.

The first time I wandered over here I was a bit taken back, I didn't dare post anything for fear I would be criticized.

But, like a mosquito drawn to a flame, I couldn't stay away.

Well. I am no longer in the business of kow-towing and tempering my words and pretending to be something I'm not in order to avoid offending or scaring off mormons. I really, really do not have any f*cks to give with regard to any mormon's opinion of me -- and that includes family members.

The very definition of integrity to me includes being genuine and honest and if my communication style freaks out some mormon, so be it. At least they get to see an example of an honestly lived life.

And that take off your beanycopters was super condescending. I've also had enough of that at the hands of mormons as well. (Although, to make my point, you can be condescending if you want to, but that doesn't mean I have to take you seriously and worry about your precious, delicate little feels. You go right on, champ, and worry about the feels. I'll be over here being myself.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/19/2014 04:39PM by dogzilla.

Yes, the beany copter things was condescending, I apologize. As I said, I enjoy the free wheeling spirit here. I also think we might miss a great opportunity to help a mormon out by responding kindly, and not acting like "what are you even doing here"? No body is hurting MY feelings. Just thought a couple of posters could be nicer. Do as you please, just a suggestion.

I can see your point. When I first left the church and found this site, I naively made a couple of posts and got roughed up pretty quickly. I shut down for awhile after that and was afraid to say much. I'm glad I didn't let them run me off, but I can see how someone might just leave and not come back.

I got used to it after awhile and was able to accept that it's a recovery forum and there are all kinds of feelings that come out and it's best to just roll with it. When things get really nasty I know I can just ignore it and walk away, knowing it's just like a passing storm, it may get rough sometimes but the sun always comes back soon enough.

To all wandering TBMs:

Don't make the classic Mormon mistake of thinking all of us here are of one mind or heart about anything.

Unlike most TBMs, we're all VERY different. You can't begin a sentence with "You RFMs think..." It's not black or white.

IMO, a good first step is to unload the "black or white thinking" mode.

You know, one of the most amazing things about leaving the cult and learning to exercise my own mind was that if I feel like being sarcastic or flippant about the cult, I can be. And I don't need to put on the false, lying, public face that I had to do while I was in it.

It's very liberating, intellectually and emotionally.

Hey, visiting believing mormons: you're in a cult. It's ridiculous and harmful. And I'm going to say so. And guess what? No "god" is going to punish me for doing so, and no "prophet" is going to do a damn thing about it. How about that.

No, really. They do. I find it ironic, considering they accuse exmos of leaving because they were offended.

Attempting to make this site "safe" and unoffensive to TBMs would destroy the reason it's here in the first place.

My opinion (and I'm not Admin so maybe it doesn't matter what I think): If you think people are ganging up on someone, making personal attacks or being rude in a thread, then call them on it right then. How about a link to the offensive thread and then everybody can weigh in on whether people were out of line?

I agree that sometimes the comments can be a bit snarky. And I personally think it's a good idea to be nice to people who are posting for the first time, as long as they aren't preaching or trolling. But each person has their own reaction when they respond to a post, and being able to give an honest reaction is what makes this site so great.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/19/2014 07:11PM by imaworkinonit.

REPORT IT. If registered use the button, if not mail ExMoLight@gmail.com.

But no, we are not going to change things to accommodate TBMs. It is very very clear what this site is about. As Eric says, this is our little corner of cyberspace. For some this is the only place they have to get away from TBMs. This ain't NOM folks.

As to the two threads yesterday - well, they were odd. Also, there were ZERO reports.

You're doing great Susan :)

I am not going to sugar coat my dislike of things Mormon just so a Mormon lurker is not offended. I like to cuss...and that is reflected in what I write on this site. I post using my own name, because I can, and have zero fear of reprisal from TBM's.

Ron Burr

Actually the TBM's shouldn't want us to tone it down for them. If they want to know what exmo's in their life are thinking, this is the place to find out.

It would be good for some of them to learn why we aren't ever going back, and what we think of their passive aggressive comments they pitch at us.

Please do not attack the TBM personally! My nevermo parents threatened to disown me and went apeshit when I said I wanted to go on a mission--they called in my student loans that they co-signed to make their point. All they did was push me further into the Morg. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing that they were right about the church for many years due to the hurt. When I finally came out they apologized for what they did years earlier.

The organizations, teachings, culture are ITs, the people are THOUs. President Boner!

When one grows up, they usually leave the kiddie pool.

To you TBM's if you are visiting - WELCOME! I want you to know that wings are amazing and allow you to visit places that are so worth visiting.

I wonder how I ever lived without them. No, I am going to change that sentence. I know how I lived without them and it was with fear and guilt that was imposed on me by Mormonism.

Now, the heavy weight is gone and the only person I have to answer to is myself No bishop, no SP, no 15 Black Suited Doofuses to tell me I must do this and that and not do that and this while they secretly are laughing and doing what they damn well please.

Try the WINGS. You'll be glad you did.

I had stewed in my exmormonness for 6 years before finding RFM. When I did it was refreshing to say what I had bottled up for all of that time.

Please remind your TBM friends who come here and get upset to visit some good porn sites while they're at it; then they can REALLY be upset. Then you can tell the people in charge of the porn sites to tone it down and put clothes on their actors, having them sit down for a spot of tea, etc,, so your TBM pals will not be offended.
Meanwhile, I'm going to visit some TBM sites and tell them to stop promoting Mormonism-it just irritates the hell out of me, so stop it.

I like this post!

And really, STILL we get people saying we should be nicer to newbies? You have no idea how much worse things used to be around here. This IS nicer. But it will never be good enough until we're sitting in pews with a program and a musical number.
So take your beanycopter and shove it.

Beany Copters:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxhzahiQshQ

Hey now, Beanie and Cecil was an epic show whereon adult double entendre comedy made its debut long before Simpsons and South Park.