Recently I tried watching 3 of my families favorites movie musicals. They were " The Wizard of Oz", "Annie"(1982) and " Scrooge"(1970).

I first tried watching "The Wizard of Oz". I couldn't make it though " somewhere over the rainbow" sung by Judy Garland. I had to skip my Blu Ray to Oz. Then I gave up until the next day.

Then this week I tried watching "Annie"(1982). I couldn't make it though " Tomorrow" at all. The last time was last night during TCM movies showing of "Scrooge". I was balling during "Thank You Very Much"(the finale). I think I'm a little tender since she passed away as she taught me to love movie musicals. We often watched musical movies growing up by Rogers and Hammerstein, Meet in St. Louis, The Wizard of Oz, Annie, Mary Poppins etc...

Maybe I ought to try again in a few months. I haven't even tried watching her favorite Christmas musicals yet: White Christmas and Holiday Inn

Is this typical of a second holiday season with a loved one whose passed away? Am I normal feeling this way?

Yes, it's typical and you are "normal" to feel grief still. It's only the second Christmas without your mom. Many people find that holidays are especially hard for them after loved ones have passed away, for years and years to come. There is a big empty space at the table, for sure.

I find that when something makes me especially sad or brings back memories that bring up some tears I don't mind it. It helps me to express the sadness that is still down deep and I find that it actually helps to let it out every once in a while.

I put pictures up of loved ones who are no longer with us and it helps me for them to be included in that way. The more I see the pictures the more it helps me to let myself feel the grief but also kind of get used to it and accept it and still feel it but be able to get on with things.

Eventually, it usually settles down to manageable levels, even at special times of the year.

It's okay to carry on with celebrations and other life events, even though loved ones are no longer there to share it and even though there is sadness mixed in.

All the best to you, SII. I hope your Christmas brings some happiness along with understandable grief still for your mom. Hopefully the sadness level gets a bit more manageable as time goes by.

Well our dogs have noticed it. My Chihuahua "Poncho" came up and cuddled with me. I think he still misses he too. My dad's Jack Russell terrier "Princess" not so much although sometimes she lays down besides me.

Makes sure you give the dogs extra love, too. They may be picking up your grief and sadness and in their own way, trying to comfort you.

of the holidays. However, as time goes on, if you (and your family) allow yourselves to grieve, the pain will gradually diminish.

A couple of years ago, I was able to celebrate my Dad's life (on the 50th anniversary of his passing) with a substantial gift to a charity I believe in very much.

At our church, we have a "Blue Christmas" service for people who have lost dear ones during the holidays, and this has ben VERY helpful to me. It would really help if the Mormons had something like that.

Take care. It will get better, in time. (((HUGS to you and Poncho)))

It's normal for you to still have a hard time, as it's only the second Christmas without your mom. Most people find the holiday season difficult after a family member dies, and everyone handles grief in their own way.

What you are experiencing is very normal. You are also in a transitional time still. The holidays will not be like what you have been used to. Perhaps you can think up some new traditions that would make your mother smile and make it feel like she is close.

HUGS to you. Christmas can be a downer when someone we love is no longer with us.

This is our first Christmas w/o our step-father. We are trying to find our way thru it. But it still is very different.

I think part of it comes from when she passed. She passed just barely before Thanksgiving last year. It hasn't been the same since!

Yes, you are right about that, too. Since she passed right before Thanksgiving, you are naturally going to be thinking about her passing at this time of year. Very understandable.

My step-father passed just 2 weeks after Christmas. This time last year he was in hospice care and very very sick. Last time he eat anything was Christmas day. So I understand what you are saying. You now have memories of the holidays that are interwoven with her passing.

Be kind to yourself. Try to remember the happy holidays, too, even when you remember those of when she passed. Try to smile, even when you cry. It's not easy, but it can help. It's what I try to do.

HUGS, SII.

Odds are your first holiday season will be a blur. I recall going to work and that kind of stuff. But coming home after work etc...was difficult to do. My TBM dad, my TBM Baby sister did some Christmas shopping last year but most of the last holiday season was a big blur for us. I think it was our minds idea of getting us used to our new reality maybe...

Blessing Southern ID! It's been many years since my parents have passed and the holidays are very difficult for me, I miss my parents...

I can't watch the older movies because I think of watching them with my folks, it just hurts too much.

One thing I've found that helps is to do something very different and try to create a new tradition. Instead of baking cookies, I make sub sandwiches for my kids! A little different, but that's now what they ask me for!

Merry Christmas however you celebrate it! The Boner.

I know how difficult it can be. Mom passed away in November of 1996 and that first Christmas was a tough one, but I still had my Dad for a few more years and my dear family to lessen the grief. Trust me, my friend, it does get better. The crushing grief is replaced by warm, fond memories, if you'll let it happen. Good thoughts coming your way from southern Alberta.

Ron Burr

Yes, it's very normal, SII. For the first few years after a parent's death, certain "anniversaries" will be very poignant for you -- your mom's birthday, the day of her death, Christmas, Mother's Day, etc. Over time, things will get better.

My dad died in early December, and it took many, many years for the pall over Christmas to pass.

Pall!? What's that?

A pall is kind of like an overwhelming sadness that seems, when you are feeling it, to cover everything else.

I send my love to you SIA. It can be tough always at Christmas to miss loved ones. Take extra special care of YOU!! That is what your Mum would want, to know you are taking care of you.

My mother died 6 years ago at the beginning of December. There are still things that are difficult to deal with. For some reason, the date of her funeral this year, I was a MESS. Christmas is a difficult time.

It does get better. It is always there, just different.

I went over to set up my brother's Christmas tree the beginning of December. He lives in my parents' home. For some reason, I felt the need to clean and I've been going over when I can and deep cleaning the house. It has been really therapeutic for me. It is my childhood home.



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Your feelings are normal. I'm sorry you lost someone so near and dear to you. My father died unexpectedly on Dec. 22, 22 years ago. I miss him a lot, but especially around Christmas. It will get better for you. Hang in there.

I know it's cliche but time really will heal the mourning. At least it did for me.

When my dad passed away it was hard. I remember certain scents like gasoline bringing back memories from my youth of him working in his garage, or watching one of his favorite movies for instance.

For me personally, some things have happened which ended up being comforting to me, example: I've found a kind of confidence in certain areas previously bereft which were strengths in my dad's skill set. Perhaps it was a new found courage to tackle the things the my dad used to do. Regardless, it just made me feel like I wasn't alone. Call it a memory in the heart, a psychological phenomena of the mind, a medical condition, a spirit, whatever; it was a comfort to me. I haven't mourned about my dad anymore because of it, I feel that either an active memory lives in my heart or his spirit is near or whatever. Family/friends that have passed are really not dead as long as you remember them in your heart.

Sending good wishes your way, SII. You're a brave guy, IMO.

My heart breaks for your loss. My oldest son died suddenly last February. He was in his twenties. For my DW and five other children this christmas represents the last time we saw him a year ago. I wrote and gave his Eulogy. Hardest thing I've ever done. I share a little of it in hope that it may be of some comfort.

"As I’ve tried to think about how we can carry on, how my family and I can carry on. I know that there is no simple answer to such a question. No right words that can be uttered that will make the pain go away. But there are things that I believe we can do that I have hope and faith will help us move forward as we mourn ...

One of these is that we can extend ourselves to care for each other's spiritual and temporal needs - and look to heal our souls not through grieving in solitude, but by also [being kind] in the service to those who grieve with us through our love and through small services that we can do for each other during this time. And remember the many things about ____ that enriched our lives."

One thing that helped me is to simply look for small ways to be kind. It might be as simple as smiling at the checker at the grocery store and offering a few words of appreciation to brighten their day.

Try not to be by yourself if possible. Be with others that can give or receive a hug of comfort.

You are also probably finding that the many words/phrases of comfort in the Mormon culture that are offered are just not. They can tear at the soul. I have decided that most such phrases are for those who fear the terrible loss that we have suffered rather than having experienced it. That does not mean that they do not care.

Many people will not know what to say to you. They are often not being uncaring but are also distraught at your loss and do not know how to approach you. A kind thing can be, if someone looks like they are distressed about coming over to speak to you, is simply walking over to them and putting your arm around their shoulder and saying something like "I know you care, I know you don't know what to say to me, honestly I don't know what to say back, thank you for caring." This is a kind thing to do. It will help you. It will also help the other person and create a safe space for them to talk with you -- even if just about the regular things in life.

There is much thoughtful and wonderful advice in this thread. Try out suggestions and find those that bring you some measure of comfort. You can bear the unbearable. And much compassion is here. Try to draw comfort from that as well.



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My parents and a sibling past a few years ago and I missed them also but less than you. If you want to have some contact with your loved ones that have past but still fully alive and very well I have 2 suggestions.

1. You can study Medium (books from the library or videos from Utube/internet). They can help you get in direct contact with him/her. May have to try a few different exercises/meditations to get contact.

2. Pay to go to a medium and they will make contact with some of your past relatives but not sure they can guarantee specific relatives. However, if you are really missing a certain relative that much (as you described) the likelihood they will show up is extremely high as they would show back the amazing love you are showing for them! If the mediums are worth the money they want they will give you a message(s) from the loved ones and also plenty of personal validation they are in contact with your relatives. I think it would be best to visit a medium but there are some (with better reputations) on the internet that you can get readings from by other than personal visits.

Good luck! They are just as interested in contacting you as you are contacting them!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

As everyone has already said, it is perfectly normal. When my mother received a specially framed photo of her own mother as a gift a few years ago, she said she'd probably never display it, because it still made her sad to see her mother's photos, more than sixty years after her death. I lost her seven years ago, just before the holidays, and I now completely understand what she meant, especially during the holidays.

When I lost my mom, a friend of mine, who grew up abused and neglected and felt no grief when she lost her parents, said something that has really helped me at times. She said that the depth of my grief was a measure of how fortunate I was to have had a relationship of such great worth. It doesn't take away the feeling of loss, but it does bring me comfort to remember that when some memory wells up.

You may always melt into a puddle when you watch those movies or do certain things that remind you of her, but it does get easier; a bit more distant, so to speak, with time. Remember that the most important thing to her would be for you to take care of yourself, and try to find some enjoyment in the season if you can.



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You might find grief counselling to be of benefit.

But as everyone else says, it's perfectly normal.

I will admit I am a bit envious that you feel what you do about your mom being gone as it shows how much your loved her and she loved you. You must have had a great relationship. I just hope she did not die way too young.

My mom was completely absent in my life, by her own choice, so even though I helped get her to the end, and very willingly, I never think about or grieve her absence because she really didn't care much about being a mom and it showed - she was NEVER home, and never involved with her children.

I am glad for you that you have sweet memories of a great mom!

She was 71 when she passed on. She was my stepmother but always my mom. She raised me most of my life. I helped her a lot during the last few years. The doctors said she died of Afib. It came as shock to my whole family. My TBM dad and myself saw her go.

I think she was trying to tell me as in ironic twist for a month to the day of her day we put down my Bassett hound "Sophie". She was attacking the other dogs and my mom. I think that she was trying to tell me her time was up. I was close to Sophie and I miss them both very much.

This time of year is especially hard for those who have lost someone dear. So many memories, traditions, and feelings come back. I lost my son ten years ago, and while there are new traditions, new grandchildren, new challenges, I still feel sad about the loss.

Sometimes a memory or a feeling catches you unaware and you turn into a puddle of grief. Perhaps for these first few months and the first holidays it is best to avoid the old memories. Put them aside for a time. How is your father? And your other family members? They must be feeling the same sadness. Perhaps you could have a special time together to remember your Mom.

Sadness is a part of life, especially as we grow older and must say goodbye to many old friends. Just know that it is okay to feel sad at times.

My mom died in Dec of 2008 and I still have serious problems this month with missing her and wanting to see her.