Liv5’s topic “Ladies, did any of you…” reminded me of one of the most painful experiences I had as a kid.

One of my best friends in high school was socially very awkward, especially around girls. From the time we turned 16, our bishop was always on his case about dating, suggesting that he wouldn’t be allowed to serve a mission if he didn’t work up enough courage to ask at least one girl out. He fasted and prayed and even solicited a number of priesthood blessings before finally convincing himself that the bishop was right: like it or not, he couldn’t avoid dating forever. To do so would be neglecting his priesthood responsibilities. So a few weeks after graduation, he asked out a girl he’d secretly admired for years, but with whom he’d never had a real conversation.

Knowing that he was going to have problems with his nerves, he asked me to help him practice his invitation before he delivered it. He never sounded smooth, but eventually stopped sounding condescending or insulting. Unfortunately, none of that practice proved useful in his actual delivery. Apparently in haste to get through what he knew was going to be a very painful conversation, he said the first thing that came to mind. (When the girl later told me what he’d said, even I had to admit that his invitation sounded like a call to repentance from a pompous bishop.) Not surprisingly, she turned him down—with much laughter and derision. He was devastated. And humiliated.

Two days later, he hanged himself. The poor girl who rejected his invitation wasn’t the least bit responsible for his death, but she never forgave herself for laughing at him. For years she’s been haunted by the assumption that a polite “no thanks” might have given my friend a little more time to work through his problems. Knowing nothing of his backstory, she had assumed that he was a Peter Priesthood who needed to be taken down a couple of notches. In her shoes, I’d probably have thought the same thing. And I would have been just as wrong.

We can never really know what’s going on in someone else’s head. Assuming the worst is rarely helpful.

He was the impetus that caused this tragedy.

One thing that I've found helpful is to tell myself that I don't know the whole story about a person. Their home life might be awful. They may be hurting in a hundred different ways. There may be untold pressures that I don't know about. It leaves the door open to the possibility that there is some explanation for why they are behaving the way that they are.

some of the posts regarding TSM & other GAs!

Nobody knows the trouble I've had.
Nobody knows my sorrow

The famously untrained Mormon Clergy rears its ugly head again. And as usual someone pays a heavy price--a young man's life is taken and a girl not prepared either is devastated.

The bishop who is in the position of power and who the young man believes is inspired by God through the Holy Ghost is pushing this kid to do something foreign to his nature.

The kid paid the price for obedience over following his own instincts.

The Mormon church has assisted many suicides in their day.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/11/2016 07:06PM by blueorchid.

This one's been discussed before, and I agree that what the ladies call "The Penishood" (first time I've used that one in a post, honest) is abusive, and as one with a teaching credential and a fair amount of experience with adolescents, there's no "one size fits all" analysis.

People need consequences for self-defeating acts; it's when they're "unneccesarily cruel" and accompanied by the wrong motives that they're probably inappropriate.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/11/2016 09:02PM by SL Cabbie.