At the ward Christmas party over the weekend we were playing that white elephant game where you can steal a gift from someone if you don't like what you got. On my turn I opened a package and there for all to behold was the second token of the melchezidek priesthood with its accompanying name and sign.

I was thinking, "SSWWWEET, free ticket straight to the top of the CK!" But then the Bishop stole it from me and I ended up with an old worn out copy of "Mormonism - Shadow or Reality". Damn!

(I'm joking of course, since I would only attend a mormon ward party if something like that could really happen.)

Oh, yeah, well at OUR Christmas party we sang Christmas carols and gave 60 second testimonies about the birth of Jesus and then we played a game where the you had to tell someone there what his/her new year's resolution should be (only two fights broke out;nothing compared to last year), and then as we always do, the men tossed their key rings into an empty gift box and then the sisters each picked out a key ring and went home with that brother. I got Sis. Burrs again; that's twice in three years!

LMFAO!

That was epic.

Thanks! I really and truly got the "key ring" part of the tale at an EQP party in 1969 while living in Lakeview Ward, in Provo. One of the elders yelled it out at the end of the evening, "Elders! All of you put your keys in a hat and the wives will pick out a set and go home with that guy!" There was some initial nervous laughter, then a pause, and then everyone laughed heartily.

Trying to keep a rein on the sex horse makes for weird shit. The Bonobos do it much better:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo

cruise on down to sexual behavior and try to tell me that they got it wrong and we got it right!

Interesting.

Ah, Bonobos, our closest relatives. The anthropology department at my university had bumper stickers for sale one year. They read "In my next life, I want to come back as a Bonobo".

I think i'll request this at my funeral. That is, if it's a mormon version beyond my control.

Imagine the fun.

Description of the last ward Christmas party I went to.

A couple (childless) in their 60's announced that they had decided it was time for a Good and classy ward party. They'd made a bundle in the real estate market that year(about 5 mil) and were going to share in the joy. In fact, they announced they were going to rededicate themselves to mormonism and this was just the beginning. They paid for the ward Christmas party! That included a Costco ham dinner and a Santa clause that gave no gifts. Thanks anyway.

When dinner was over Santa popped up and read the Christmas story to all the kiddies. They each received a candy cane.

The bishop was next. I really can't recall a single word he said. By this time, I was bored out of my mind and wanted nothing more than to go home.

The bishop started to guilt trip everyone in to giving above and beyond tithing and fast offering. On that note my husband whispered to me that he was going out to warm up the car. I was to meet him out there in 10 minutes. YAY! That was the last mormon Christmas ward party I went to.

THE END

Tales of the elusive Mormon key club.

My wife's ward christmas party was this last Saturday. (I am still a member cause my wife freaks out at the thought of me resigning. But I am resigned in my heart...anyway) We got there and they were doing a "live" nativity. I sat at the table and didn't go see it. Then we ate and got out before they did their little program.

For all the pain my wife can cause, at times she can be really awesome. Like making sure we were out before the "fun" began.

Young marrieds party in the early 70s. Near the end, one of the guys known as a super-straight political right-winger suddenly tossed his keys into the middle of the floor and said--""come on guys!"

Stunned silence, then his wife jumped up and grabbed the keys before anyone had time to recover.

I guess the guy just had too much Hawaiian Punch.

I'm afraid I don't get that one.

The young man wanted to play the "Sister Mystery Key Ring" game, with very little structure... His wife quite correctly shut him down for being so plebian.

I googled it and got nothing. Would someone explain the game?

I never heard of that game until I saw it here. So sheltered!

What's funny, though, is that I saw "Grinch" for the first time tonight and there's a very quick little party scene that zooms in on a large jar where the Male Who's are tossing their keys. I probably would have thought it somehow related to drinking and driving prevention had I not received this new insight.

I learn so much here on RfM!

brrrrrrrr....even thinking about going to a ward Christmas gave me a piss shiver....can't imagine going to something that lame ever again.

Ron Burr

Those ward parties were off the hook. To kick it up a notch, someone would always spike the punch with Seven Up.

Click-bait

Bonobos were mentioned. I hate poachers. Why would anyone want to poach a chimpanzee? Does it give them a thrill? Does it make them look macho? No it makes them look like a MORON!

Many days go pretty well and things seem to be getting better and then I will see someone's wall with an animal head mounted on it, or hear about poaching of apes and tigers, lions, elephants etc.

On those times, I feel that an asteroid should hit earth and destroy us.

Animal heads on walls just screams to me "CAVEMAN CAVEMAN CAVEMAN - MADE NO PROGRESS SINCE CAVEMAN."

Really? You family actually ate that buffalo whose head is mounted on your living room wall? I say BAH HUMBUG! BY the time you buy the hunting license, guns and ammo, gas to get you there, time off work etc, you could have bought and entire cow and have it cut up and freezer ready.

People do't believe that hunters hunt for food. It has to do with trying to look macho and of course to compensate for other serious flaws. They actually think a woman is happier with a dead animal on the wall than with a live man in bed...morons never learn.

Thing are different in the UK, but I hunt rabbit some times to feed the family, but then i don't mount little rabbit heads on the wall. The rifle is a part of my "food storage"

depends on where you are. here, hunting is a cultural thing, it's what people do for fun, and it's how they put meat on the table, and when they get something big, they share with their neighbors and family as a gesture of goodwill. and then they hang the head of their first buck or biggest buck or whatever on the wall as part of the decoration (never in my house... creepy). its part of their rites of passage. you stuff your first deer and put it on the wall. and there has been more than one person to poach for people in need of food (no.. it's not necessarily right... but there are more white tail than we know what to do with up here lol). I'm personally not really into the hunting scene, but its a way of life here.

How is eating a cow any different than eating deer or bison (buffalo for the uninformed) or elk? Someone still kills the animal. If you eat meat, or wear leather for that matter, you are apart of the animal killing. Maybe you do not understand how hunting actually helps the herds stay healthy by not letting them get too big. Would you prefer animals die a slow death of starvation or a quick bullet to the head or heart? Meat is a healthy part of our diet, My family has always hunted big game and birds. We have eaten everything we kill. So the next time you go buy yourself a big juicey stake or chicken from the store, or buy those "oh so cute I have to have them" leather boots or purse, at least admit that you are participating in the death of an animal.

Amen. And the difference between eating a cow and wild game? It hasn't been fed GMO grain nor stuffed with steroids and antibodies.

In Iowa, where I live, hunting is common. I don't hunt for several reasons, not the least that I haven't the strength to haul a deer back to my vehicle.

I am grateful for those who do hunt, especially deer. If people did not hunt deer, not only would the deer face starvation, but more would be hit by motor vehicles.

Not just the deer would be killed or injured, but people would also be killed or injured.

And by the way, never swerve to miss a deer. That WILL kill you.

Other Susan

Nobody hunts tigers, lions and elephants for food. And, someone said that hunting is a cultural thing here.
Tigers, lions, and elephants are NOT here except in zoos.
Any animal that is endangered should not be hunted.

I don't really have a problem with legal hunting and for animals that it is legally OK to hunt. I do think it is good to thin the herd. But endangered animals "herds" are already too thin. People hunt tigers to mount the head on the wall etc. and elephants for the ivory. It is disgusting.

Don't mount the FUCKING head of any animal on the wall. It is creepy.

And for the record, I don't wear furs and I don't have leather products.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2014 10:33PM by verilyverily.

My brother tools leather to make into handbags and briefcases and such. He does beautiful work. He would contend that using the leather is a way of not wasting any part of an animal that is slaughtered for food.

So if you oppose one part, I think you'd almost have to reject the whole process, from eating meat to using any part of an animal, because it all goes together.

Ellen showed up at our Ward Christmas Party and gave everyone gifts. Then the IRS showed up and demanded taxes on the gifts followed by the bishop demanding tithing on the gifts. There was a loan shark also buying the gifts near the altar. The bankruptcy lawyers had a booth. Best Ward Christmas party ever.

Our branch and ward parties were nice events.

Each family took some food and it was always good food, we sang carols drank fizzy pop and low calorie orange squash, played games and generally had a good time.

Santa would come with gifts for the kids.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/21/2014 05:39AM by matt.