Let me say first that I was uber TBM during my mission. Having said that, I always felt not right about some things, namely:

Asking investigators to commit to baptism at the second discussion. I knew that there many many things that they did not yet know about the church. It felt like a trick to ask them to be baptized without knowing what they were getting into. As far as they knew, it was like any other church, believe in Jesus and get baptized. Then end.

It wasn't until later that they would learn about TITHING. We were always nervous to give that discussion. I was so blind and naive, being uber TBM. I should have realized that the trickery of committing people prematurely was a huge red flag with implications for the truthfulness of the church. But I did not open my eyes until many years later.

In retrospect it seems unconscionable that the church brings people in without ANY knowledge of the temple, and that they will someday be committed to wearing GARMENTS!

I have more to write on this, but time does not permit...

You and a lot of others, I believe. Many of us were young and conditioned to following Church authority and wanted to do the right thing on our missions. While there are many good stories, it's surprising what went on in many of them and how people feel about what happened when they returned home and had gained a broader perspective. The ironic thing is that missions have been mis-managed by MP's for years and nothing every happens about it...

I was very similar to you in not wanting to push people towards baptism. To me it seemed wrong to pressure someone into such a serious thing without them knowing everything up front.

This is probably why my numbers were so low, because thankfully most people did not get through all the lessons before losing interest.

I never felt good about trying to change someone who already seemed to be happy with their life.

I think it's disturbing the Missionary Guide they made us study daily was really just a thinly disguised high pressure sales manual. It's not about free will. You are forcing people down a path. Every nasty trick in the book is in there. Everything from helping to lower people's guards by trying to relate to them first to "Will you" commit questions. I remember how leading some of the questions were, but the lessons were organized to push people to conclusions and points rather than have a meaningful discussion.

It makes me sick to think of it now. The whole thing was just incredibly manipulative.

Yep. What a disheartening discovery it was when I realized that missionary work was just salesmanship. Numbers were more important than the individual.

I struggled with this my entire mission. It never felt right. For every 'spiritual' experience I had I had as many - if not more - negative.

Still, realizing that the church was run like a business began the process of opening my eyes to what the church really is.

I hated that part. I never want to sell anything to anyone. I feel it's dishonest and self serving.

I went on a mission to help people and felt all I was doing was selling religion to people who didn't want and didn't need it. Instead of serving a church, I was an unpaid employee of a US corporation.

Our mission was the highest baptizing mission in the world at one time. Part of our approach was to have all mission leaders read "How I Raised Myself From Failure To Success In Selling" by Frank Bettcher...no lie.

Of course, that went well with the motivational films from the NFL that we used...etc.

I told the mishie I had already been baptized, years before. He said, "But that minister didn't have priesthood authority."

I said, "The heck he didn't! He could read stuff in Greek, Hebrew, Latin, and had all sorts of certificates to prove it!"

None of this fazed the mish at all. The current bishop at that time had been, in his day job, a heating-and-cooling systems maintenance guy. But yeah, he had proper priesthood authority.

I should have figured it out right then. How can somebody with NO theological credentials be any kind of ecclesiastical leader?

Bah humbug.

I think it is why they send you out as young 19 yr. old. They have molded you to just say what they tell you to say to the investigators. I am glad you felt something wasn't right. WHY don't missionaries question the authorities on these things? If they get mad at you wouldn't they just end your mission??? Hey, that would be a good thing. And you'd have peace about the whole subject.

Your Honor, we the jury find the defendant guilty, guilty as a missionary.