My parents are TBM, I still live with them. My little sister is a smart, sweet 7 year old now. I cringe when they teach her church doctrine, especially stuff that could be harmful to her being free-thinking, smart and happy. We all know it's hard to get out and I want it to at least be easier for her later on.

What can I do to help her? i obviously don't want to undermine my parents but what are some things I could do for now?

I don't think there is much you can do except build a really good relationship with her so that when she is older, she will see you as someone she can turn to when she has doubts.

Sounds like you are a non believing Mormon. If you get out of the church when you are independent, and has a happy successful life, it will be easier for her to follow you out if she wants to.

I suppose you can ask her questions that may help her as she gets older think about what she might want to do with her life beyond marriage and motherhood. Just get her thinking more independently and make her feel you value her opinions. Seven is still young but I think even now you can get her thinking.

Help your sister make plans for her life beyond being a wife and mother.

Something I've noticed with girls in the church is they are always looking for something in the future to make them happy. They don't know how to enjoy the moment. YW teaches girls the next stage in life is a temple marriage. Girls have fairy tale idea planted in their heads. When they are young adults, it is their only goal. When they do get married, they realize it wasn't the "happily ever after" they were led to believe in, so they look to the next thing that they are told will make them happy - children. Then they find a lot of hard work and not so much happiness (though it is there, but it's mostly work), and they look forward to the kids growing up. Then they live through their kids serving time on missions, because that is supposed to bring blessings to the family. When that still doesn't make them happy, they look forward to death, because there is guaranteed happiness in the celestial kingdom.

Your sister needs to understand her own value apart from what the church wants of her. You can validate her desires. You can help her see she is a normal person for liking things the church puts out of her reach as a girl and a woman. She needs to know she is valued beyond this fake role that is set up for her by the church.

The best way to help your sister is by understanding the indoctrination she has pushed upon her, and to let her know you value *her* as she allows herself to shine through.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/24/2014 10:44AM by I_am_me.

You don't have "bash" the church directly but teach her critical thinking skills, that way your parents can't accuse you of undermining the church.

I believe children are more logical than adults are, but unfortunately adults teach them illogical ideas due to their biases.

If you can show your children how to think for themselves and not to blindly follow dogma you'll make a big impact. I suggest googling "logical fallacies" and find ways to teach your siblings how to identify them.

Also teach them about Christlike love, charity and how Jesus preached against hypocrisy. Hopefully they can see through the superficial BS that permiates the LDS church. Teach them that being a good person is more important than simply going to church, praying and reading scriptures. None of which makes someone a good person. Hell, even Muslim terrorists do that stuff. It doesn't make them good.

You need to be very cautious while living at home. Your gratitude for your parent's support outweighs your need to be a missionary.

Setting a good exmo example is the most subversive thing you can do. She is going to hear all the crap about exmos wanting to sin, being lazy, etc. you can show her that they are lying. That's a pretty big lesson.

Parents throughout the known history, in every part of the world, teach their children their chosen belief system and world view from birth. That is generally how it's done. They teach them what they know and believe to prepare them for the world they live in.
It is considered their sacred duty in many cases.

We have the right to make different choices if that is what we decide to do. While under the care of parents, often those choices will collide.

In the specific case of the OP, it is always best and wise to refrain from interfering with parental authority.
Live by example and leave the parenting to the parents.

A lot of the church's teachings aren't explicit. There are plenty of church teachings that are very good on the surface. "Search ye out of the best books words of wisdom." Everybody is encouraged to get an education. Everybody is encouraged to learn and grow in understanding.

How many times have any of us listed the hurts we've experienced in the church only to have a TBM tell us that isn't how they interpreted things and they can't see how we decided to be so strict? TBMs often pick and choose doctrines to follow. The church has so much directly contradictory advice and "doctrine," that if you didn't believe every word was meant specifically for you, it can be easy to follow your heart and do what you want, citing "scripture" all the way.

You don't have to openly fight the church to teach your sister to think for herself and to do the things that make her happy. There are plenty of quotes and talks and hymns, etc to help her be happy within the framework of Mormonism. Make the quotes work for you.

If you see an idea that seems particularly harmful to her that she seems to hold to, it doesn't hurt to ask her why she believes it. Then help her see another, healthier way of looking at things, by quoting "prophets" who state the teaching in a healthier manner.

You don't have to go against your parents to help your sister see value in herself. :) Just encourage her to do what makes her happy.

Seriously, I think the best think you can do is become a wonderful example to your sister (and others) that you can survive mormonism and even thrive.

She will be seriously indoctrinated by the time she becomes an adult but if she has examples out in the real world of people who can succeed without the church, it will show her that there are other ways to live.

The best antidote to prejudice is excellence! :-)