Young couple with one child hes in the bishoprick just messaged me on facebook wanting to have a BBQ with my family. Oh brother! Well if its reactivation they want then im not fucken interested!!! How would you deal with this scene??

My neighbors keep mentioning it as well. I say, "let's do it!" Of course they been saying this for about 4 months now and it's been snowing the last couple of nights.

Why not accept the invitation and then if the topic turns to church say something like been there and done that and you didn't invite me over to proselytize did you? The Boner.

I like byuboners approach jokingly make the guy feel like a douche if he only invited you over to reactivate you. Hopefully he'll feel like a douche and drop it if that was his intent.

Boner has a good idea... or maybe you can take what you've learned and use it as a counter-missionary opportunity.

Hi, thanks for the invite. Very nice of you. Does this have any connection to your calling on the bishoprick?

If he chokes and hints that it's about fellowshipping your family back to church, say, "Let's just be neighborly but not fellow church members because that would be awkward since I no longer plan to attend."

There's nothing wrong with a couple of families getting together and having a BBQ. Neighbors and friends do this all the time, and there is no requirement for them to share the same religious beliefs. I know several current and former members of bishoprick members who I wouldn't mind having a BBQ with. I can't live my life constantly living in suspicion of others' intentions, fearful they're going to make things awkward by trying to push their religious agenda on me.

That being said, I'd recommend using some common sense.

How well do you know this guy? Is your relationship with him strongly tied to his position in the church (in other words, are you in his ward)? Is there another apparent motive to his invitation besides religious outreach? Does he seem like a genuine sort of individual, or has his interaction with you been somewhat superficial. Are you generally comfortable being around him?

If this seems like an out-of-the-blue reactivation attempt, you shouldn't feel obligated to attend.

Invite them over to your house for the bbq and have a cooler with beer and sodas. A beer is an important part of a bbq and if it is at your house you can drink, chat and they have to be polite because they are at YOUR house.

"Let's do it. I'll bring the beer."

^^This^^

His reaction will provide your answer. Hahaha!!

Accept and if the talk turns to TSCC, plant seeds of doubt. Treat it as an opportunity to spread truth.

If they are people that you might want to socialize with, invite them to your home instead. Have your exmo lifestyle in plain view (coffee maker out, beer and wine in the fridge. See if they can deal with that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/23/2014 06:42PM by summer.

Knowing what I know now, I would take him up on it, then bring a cooler full of beer.

I would go if you like the guys enough to do so. If it turns to tscc then tell the truth about what you know. If he opens the can of LDS then jump in with the truth.

Georgesaint said: I can't live my life constantly living in suspicion of others' intentions, fearful they're going to make things awkward by trying to push their religious agenda on me.

What about the following?:

1 Every member a missionary.

2 Three fold mission of the church - Perfect the saints (re-activate)

3 Numerous lessons on "reaching out to the less active"

4 Promises of blessings if you bring the "lost sheep" back to the fold preached in parables for a lifetime.

5 How great shall be your joy.

These are just a few of the scripts that come to mind that I have memorized in my scrambled brain from being a mormon for 40 years.

I haven't been to church in five years either....but the script still is there and the voice is as loud as ever in my mind and I thought of these in less than 20 seconds triggered by just reading your post.

Moral of the story: There is NO SUCH THING as an invitation to a BBQ with an active member of the church that is not based on undisclosed intentions.

It is unbelievable that ex-mormons are suggesting that there is somehow a neighbor in the bishoprick that just wants to be a friend. We were all in this same frame of mind when we attended the church and it is not likely that a TBM is not trying to convert or re-activate someone....their whole lives are built around that idea. Every sunday a re-activation story, every temple session a covenant to "build the kingdom of god" Every bishoprick meeting a discussion of less-actives and a strategy for how to touch their hearts and bring them to the truth.

If he doesn't want to get you back in the church he wants your wife or kids and when they go he will talk shit about you behind your back. Just put up a boundary and keep the guy the hell out of your life and you will be happier than dealing with any drama that could be invited into your life by attending his BBQ and having him weasel into your life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/23/2014 09:33PM by upsidedown.

Growing up,my best friend's father was in the bishopric and he and his family would never have pushed religion on people. They considered it extremely rude to do so. Mormons are not all the same.

invite him and some jay dubs for a bbq.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/23/2014 09:32PM by Dave the Atheist.

If you like them I would go,but I would have a response ready in case it turns into a reactivation thing. Also, have an excuse to leave early if it gets uncomfortable. It may be a pleasant experience with friendly neighbors. All Mormons arent out to get you. That said,having a plan is a good idea.

I like that upsidedown!ive decided i will go the BBQ with a cooler of icy cold beer! Hows that sound...lol

I think you should do it if you want.

If it were me and they were my neighbors I would accept.

If they started being inappropriate i would set clear boundaries and see how they respond. This would apply to MLM, religion, and politics as well.

If the fellowshiping begins, stop your neighbor and ask, "is this about Hastening The Work? If it is, our family has been contacted by all the approaches and we'd like to just be real friends without any hidden agendas. How about you?"

If he brings up church say "I'm willing to go if you'll stay home and watch football. Then we can compare notes."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/24/2014 12:48AM by thingsithink.

Newsflash, folks! This IS a pilot program they are trying out here. People in leadership are being tasked with inviting specific families on the "rescue" list to come over for a BBQ, movie night, bowling, game night, etc. This will happen a number of times, very low-key and then eventually the missionaries will coincidentally happen to be there too.

I got confirmation of this program from a (non-believing) member of a current bishopric.

What a crass arrogant way to use trusting kind hearted exmo families. It makes the Mormons look like scam artists. They have to use deceit to trap people into participating.

I was getting this from the HT for a while... He have invited myself and my wife who is a Catholic over for their socials. I started to give in until I figured out what they were doing

Have you had other social activities with this neighbor before?
If you have done other non-church related activities with him, then it is very possible that this is nothing more than another friendly activity. If you have never done anything with each other before, then I would be very suspicious that it is a first effort at reactivation. If it turns out that the missionaries are invited as well, then you wil know for sure that is what is going on.

I don't know you or your bishop, or your families.

In general, I agree that everyone would be much happier if we didn't try to second-guess the motives of others. Still, it is normal for us to learn from our own experiences. As we gain experiences, we become a better judge of character. Sometimes we are unfair in choosing our friendships, for example, we might not warm up to someone who reminds us of someone else who was cruel or abusive. I often feel I judge Mormons unfairly as individuals, because of their speech patterns, voices, the underwear that shows through their clothing, their aggressive behavior, their touchy-feely body language. I sense when they are being insincere. I know their lies, already. Some of these individuals might be a lot of fun, good tennis players, school teachers, doctors, kind parents, and I never give them a chance. Sad.

Perhaps you could separate the bishop from his calling and religion. What do you know about him? What do you know about yourself and your family? You know the bishop supports a religion that is founded on lies, polygamy, scams, and adultery. This doesn't mean the bishop does these things, but it does mean these crimes are OK with him. It is likely that he doesn't respect women very much, or he might have supported Prop 8, or he might be strict and authoritarian in his parenting, or he might still believe that the Black races are inferior--well, you were once Mormon, so you remember what they teach.

If these things don't bother you, and if you wouldn't mind having these neighbors inviting your children over to their house and influencing your children, then reach out in friendship.

The Mormons abused my children, so our experiences in the cult were extreme. Since leaving, things bother me more, such as sexist comments, racial slurs, vicious gossip, physical punishment of children, social competition, and the attitude of being "above the law." Some of my Mormon friends had these traits, and they were depressing to be around. I feel "cleaner" without their influence. Many of their children were immoral, and some got into drugs. Lots of neighbors are troubled, and you see them through the problems, without being really deeply involved--but Mormons don't keep proper boundaries, and want to be as close as "family." Often, that includes taking up too much of your time, and even taking your money. Think of your own experiences. Is this bishop likely to try to fellowship you, your wife, and your children? You know the answer, yourself.

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

Tell 'em you'll bring the beer. ;-)

hi 'knotty'- sorry i don't know how to comment on your travel blog ... if you think german 'industrial'/ factory-made icecream tastes good, you really should try bauernhofeis. yoghurt with thyme e.g. is a dream, sooo lecker :-) ...
they also have a recipe for icecream with baileys ...

http://farmhouseicecream.com/media/Television%20Programs/video_DE.html

and in case you didn't see it already:
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1435365,1440520#msg-1440520

have a good trip - bon voyage!

Thanks for the ice cream tip! And thanks for the nice wishes. We are flying Air France. I hope that means lots o' wine.

Where is it warm enough at the end of November to have a BBQ?

I say go. Bring brownies.

If they start in on the "reactivation" talk, you have several options.

*Tell them they should be embarrassed that they turned a dinner invite into a sales pitch. Ask them for a sign up into AMWAY instead. Add a little shaming for good measure.

*Share your own "testimony".

*Silence. When they look gobsmacked that you are not responding, snap to reality and get your things and go home. Say nothing.

*Anger-let em have it! But really, where does this get you? You still have to live near them.

*My personal choice that I have done a few times on these types of invites. I stand up, collect my things and turn to them and say "Shame on you for making me think you were genuinely interested in knowing me instead of making yourself feel better for a personal project. Bye."

Every time I have handled it directly and calm, the person has never attempted an invite again. It's too stressful for them to be genuine.

As for a genuine invite..well I have not had one of those with members of CHURCH INC. I will let you know if one happens.

RMM

Politely decline, but ask him if he'll bring you over some of the BBQ meat.

Meat before milk, I always say.

One of the biggest indicators if someone will eventually leave the church is the number of non-Mormon friends - real friends, not social acquaintances - that a person has. Every time a nice Mormon family interacts with nice, upstanding EXMOS or HEATHENS their cog-dis goes up about five levels.

Something to consider.

When we moved to a city where we knew noone, i was so desperate for company that i let the vtr/ home teacher couple come over. They said they just wanted to be friends. It took a few months of their once-a-month friendship to realize they were just doing their home teaching. I didn't need 'friends' like that.

NB, i had ocd so badly at the time i wasn't able to go out and join clubs etc. to find compatable friends, so i was willing to take what i could get. Discovered i was not that desperate after all.

just my 2 cents. These people weren't neighbors tho. So yours may just be trying to have pleasant relationships, esp. if you or they are new to the neighborhood.