So I have found that I really don't like praying publicly or with my family. Prayers are super personal to me. I don't like other people listening in to my conversations with God. I hate when my dad makes me come up for family pray or dinner prayer and makes me say it. I feel like I am not really praying because I am too self-conscious with everyone listening in. Does anyone else feel this way?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2014 10:59PM by bella10.

Explain your feelings an an opportune moment and ask that he not put you on the spot. Tell him that you do pray, but you articulate your thoughts and desires to God better quietly in your mind. Assure him that you do pray.

But acknowledge and appreciate that he considers your spirituality to be legitimate, and not some second-hand thing stuck in the shadows of patriarchy. Consider offering a brief table grace from time to time, if you're feeling self-conscious.

If he's Mormon and you're Christian, then you have a more serious issue, because you're not praying to the same Lord. In that case, perhaps you can explain, without getting into the theology of it, that you would prefer to exercise your own "free agency" and suggest a moment of individual, silent prayer.

If a bit of humor would help, here's an anecdote I came across once:

"From the pulpit, the Pastor (certainly not a good Baptist one!) said, 'Would Deacon Smith please open our worship service with prayer?'

Deacon Smith got up and replied, 'Reverend, I've been arguing with my wife all weekend, haven't had a devotional in a few weeks, and am feeling quite out of it. I don't think I should be praying aloud right now, if you don't mind!'"

I shared that with my pastor, and it's his usual practice to make sure everybody who prays, reads Scripture, or participates in any way is consulted before time!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2014 10:07PM by caffiend.

Thanks, but I have already told my dad and mom I don't like saying family/dinner prayer and all I got was "Just because you don't like to do something, doesn't make it right to not do it." They are not Mormons, but still have some Mormon mentalities.

I would write my own family dinner prayer, and memorize it, and repeat it each time. Follow the format your parents like, make it brief, general, all-inclusive, and impersonal. For example "Please bless all those in need." I feel most comfortable just thanking God for the food, and all our blessings. Giving thanks is showing gratitude, and has nothing to do with your personal religious beliefs or practices or sins or shortcomings or goals or dreams. You'll be just fine. You can give a quick silent prayer right after.

I'm with you, I find it awkward as well. If they are forcing you and it is not heartfelt it is not really a prayer, just a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. I wouldn't do it if I was not comfortable. Stand your ground.

I usually avoid family and public prayer; still, when pressed, I'm quite careful to (after/before the formal bits) express thanks to whomever actually cooked the food/arranged the event/etc., without asking some sky fairy to ensure all guests can find their keys when they leave. It's all in your choice of words. With practice, you too can be a cunning linguist.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2014 03:26AM by steve benson.

It's an unfortunate (and sinful) tendency for religious people, including otherwise upstanding Christians, to substitute "the traditions of men" for authentically Christian practice. I move in pretty conservative Baptist circles and see this a lot; absolutistic prohibitons on alcohol, for example.*

Logical argument is rarely effective, and arguing never is. Perhaps forestpal's suggestion that you commit a short, pro-forma prayer to memory will work. Another idea: ask everybody to be quiet for a moment of silent, personal prayer, and offer to close when people's heads are raised. Then a few short sentences of thanksgiving for God's love for us and the privilege of coming to Him with our needs and desires.

It is uncomfortable, but also assess how much you want to make an issue of it. Even if your Dad is not LDS, there may other issues that will require great tact, patience, and--yes--prayer. Is your father ex-LDS? If so, he may be bringing his LDS mindset into his Christianity. It took quite a few years for me to cleanse my Christian life of my old Christian Science habits and presumptions.

*As an alcoholic, I abstain completely, but have no moral objections. My wife and oldest son drink moderately.

I have turned to a liturgical church since leaving the Mormon church. This means we have written prayers said publicly in our services. I like this arrangement because wherever I go the

service is the same. I know exactly what to expect. Some people think this is all wrong but that's their opinion. In my personal prayers I open my soul and heart to the Lord. I speak my prayers

out loud because I stay focused better on what I am doing and saying to God. I will pray in public when asked and I'll do it respectfully and to the point. I have never been shy about

speaking in front of a group. That served me well when I was Mormon.

Ask God to chase any evil spirits in the home into the turkey drumsticks. amen.

Bella 10 asked a serious question " in good faith" (pun intended) about her spiritual life and practice. She addressed people who have become traditional Christians. She needs support and useful suggestions, not silly wisecracks which border on the contemptuous.

It's not my intention to flame you, thingsIthink, but I ask for greater respect of other people's beliefs.

Silly wisecracks are probably the best advice the OP can get on this subject. They appear to have jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.

A jolt may be what they need to come to their senses.

Please don't censor other posters on the board...

bella10,

I also find prayer to be a personal/private matter and have always been extremely uncomfortable offering oral prayer. I usually try to beg off by explaining that I pray better silently.

If my request is denied, this is how I pray aloud: I say "Dear God", then praise God, thank him for each person in the group individually, thank him for the food or event being celebrated, ask that we might be better able to do His will and end with the words, "in His dear name, amen".

Usually there are gasps all around at the "beauty" or "sincerity" of the prayer and then comments that I pray "just fine" out loud.

My private/personal prayer is still a secret from the listeners and I have done what was requested. Everyone is pleased, the event goes on, and I am off the hot seat.

Prayer is very personal for me as well. In the rare occasions when I pray with others, I will pray a pre-written prayer or even a psalm. But I am Catholic and this is pretty much the norm. I suggest just saying grace for meals and the Lord's Prayer for other occasions.