1. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/f7/34/de/f734de21c21e06c1872f557aa69cad4c.jpg

2. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/12/e0/17/12e017afc2650611f1a1a2cb84a5a67f.jpg

3. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/73/f7/7a/73f77a7490b1cde512fa632d99c87b10.jpg


Mine.

1. You totally didn't put forth enough effort. There is no way I can catch you. I walked on water, not levitated.

2. You see, I'm visiting you and your daughter because you are wearing a kitchen apron. This totally shows me you know your place and definitely deserve a personal visitation.

3. It's cool. I can't get in there either with the way I'm dressed.

1. Hey, I can see up your dress.

2. I like to hover around in children's bedrooms.

3. Hand over your wallet, my child. (This shepherd costume works every time!)

1. Everybody falls their first time. Oh, wait, there's ONLY the first time. Oh, well.

2. (whispering quietly) hurry and get her to sleep, mom -- I'll be waiting in your bedroom with only my robe on!

3. Come on, let me take you to a bar down the road -- that place up on the hill is f*cking nuts!

1. I am the head standing on a large phallic looking rock representing a Peter which I built my church on...

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/tg/jesus-christ-head-of-the-church

1. (The girl talking) Why do I always fall for big dick heads.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2015 07:34PM by Elder Berry.

1. "No, don't jump! You'll never make it this far and there's not enough room for both of us on this rock. Ah, Me, she did it."

2. "...and please keep the ghost of Jesus from grabbing me while I sleep. Amen."

3. Marriage equality: WWJM? Actually, who wouldn't Jesus marry?

Here’s mine for #1:

“Behold our vengeful god as he hurls these children to their deaths!”
“Father, why have you pancaken them?

1. I really hope this isn't a hallucination...
2. You prayed to be watched over and protected while you sleep...well here I am, so now I have an alibi as to why I'm not helping over in Africa...
3. Obviously the temple is not the Lord's house 'cause he's not in it, is he? (imagine in the voice of Lewis Black)

Jesus, "I see London, I see France..."

Child, "and please, heavenly father, keep us safe from that hippy looking sex offender we saw on the news tonight."

Jesus, "Here is your citation for trespassing on temple grounds without a recommend. Go to the ATM, then directly to your bishop to catch up on tithing, GROSS, not NET. Geez."

1) For the love of my dad youre not R. Kelly!

2) Pray all you want, but 1 Direction is broken up. . . For good

3) Help my find my puppy and I'll give you salvation

1. She hits me and we're both going over.

2. I am the anti-vampire.

3. Sure, I'm only walking on grass. But it was just watered.

1. "Psych!"
2. " . . . and dear God, please keep us safe from Killer Bob . . ." http://twinpeaks.wikia.com/wiki/BOB
3. ". . . while you're down there . . ."

1. Bloody hell are you deaf? I said beam me up Scotty.

2. Dear Heavenly father, I've given your son 10% of my toys
and now he's got his hand out for more. Would you please
buy him some of his own?

3. Wow that was some pretty good stuff, I can't tell if you're
Arthur or Martha or whether I'm here or there.

1. What's sad is that someone spent hours of their life making this picture.
2. Look at the detail. What an empty life this artist must have.
3. It's OK if you think I'm hot.

1. I can't catch you, it's just that God needed you more than your children.

2. No, I don't know where your damn teddy bear is. Loss. It's part of life. Deal with it.

3. Put your hand down--I'm on break right now. Needy, needy, Neeeeeedy!

or

3. Stop changing sexes for heavens sake. You think we have time to take on the whole trans thing when we're right in the middle of this gay marriage thing? You know how hard it is to exclude and discriminate nowadays with all this equality crap flying out of everywhere?

I like that or number 3 a lot.

About #2:

First it was a poor farm boy from upstate New York with a penchant for confidence tricks. Now, it's two average girls in an average home.

Girls, it's time to hit the road, write some "scriptural" books and hawk them, and go around telling others you are "The Two Prophetesses" who were visited by Jesus Christ and appointed to lead the nations. Considering your current church treats females like dirt; it's recommended you two start up your own breakaway cult and seek new converts. Good luck!