Actually, I probably know already what I'm going to say, or at least have a good idea. But I'd appreciate the input, and will put in place any good suggestion:

My former bishop contacted me, concerned about my recent sharing of LDS articles relating to things like the essays. Naturally, the shared postings included my comments, somewhat negative (at least to a TBM) but truthful. I try to make it a point not to be cynical in them, but some cynicism makes it through from time to time. He is a sweet man, a non-American who normally has both feet on the ground and has a lot of negative things to say about the American side of the LDS church and his American LDS counterparts. He is employed by the church and travels widely as a sort of church-paid LDS businessman, doing important real estate things for them. He has known for a few years that I resigned my membership, but let me know that he is sad over my recent comments (regarding the recent media revelations of child marriage and spiritual wifery of Joseph Smith). Having said that, his "testimony" was the usual crap we hear time and time again. Whether served up cold or microwaved in a dog dish, it's always the same Shiz--he prayed about the church and felt so good about it. In short, the church is "truthy" (not "facty").

So I'm going to have to answer the man in a kind way, yet I would like him to know under no uncertain terms that he is on the wrong side of history and that I don't consider the LDS organization anything other than a real estate development corporation.

Any advice along these lines? Something to avoid the onset of snarkiness?

If you're resigned, then why answer him at all? That would be my first option.

If you are friends, then just say that you have a difference of opinion and leave it at that. Or go nuclear and send him the CES Letter.

Hope that helps... :)

I've had four or five friends (and yes, they were people I actually considered friends because I don't add every tomdick&harry I ever knew to my facebook list), let me know that they were offended by something I posted on FB. I immediately put them out of their misery and click two buttons, "unfriend" and "block." Why they can't do that themselves is beyond me. It's just not that difficult.

Wow TBM's getting offended? I thought apostates were the only people that give in to the weakness know as "being offended."

"He is on the wrong side of history."

I could argue he is on the wrong side of morality and perpetuating a fraud for pay--memories of temple-paid clergy in the employ of Satan.

Sometimes the best comments are questions. How about....

"What is your biggest concern with my post?"

Is that a good comment? (See how I followed my own advice)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2014 03:16PM by gentlestrength.

"What is your biggest concern with my post?"

Excellent idea! Opens it up for discussion and puts the burden on them to explain.

I like it! I will include this.


I get what other people say, which is why I've gone a while with saying nothing. I could just unfriend him or block him. But I like him. He truly is a nice man and... Well, I just like him.

If his biggest concerns are feelings of truthiness rather than knowledge of factiness.

How about asking him.

Please tell me how you reconcile the feelings of truthiness with a Muslim has about Islam and Mohammed with your completely opposing feelings of truthiness about Mormonism and Joseph Smith?

My snarky follow-up comment would be, or do those two turds of a belief system fit nicely in the same bowl for you?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2014 03:39PM by gentlestrength.

Unless the information was sent to him by you, I don't see where it's any of his business. You're not required to answer to him. He can look it all up for himself if he wants details.

"What makes you think I'm the only one who feels this way?"

The question was a good idea.
I'd also suggest some wording such as:
"I honestly conveyed facts. I don't know what to do about honesty and facts being offensive to you -- perhaps you should do some soul-searching and see if you can figure out why facts and honesty offend you...?"


When I left, and I got so many "how could you do that" comments from "friends," I always referenced being honest with them -- and that my departure was about honesty, lacking in church doctrines and statements. And how if honesty "tore down their testimony," then their testimony wasn't worth a damn in the first place. It hit home with a few of them.

There are several people who I'm Facebook friends with that I disagree with about all kinds of things. I have family members who spout all kinds of nonsense (in my opinion) on their Facebook pages. Unless they're posting it directly to me, I would never consider confronting them about it. What they want to talk about is none of my business.

It seems like as your former bishop he feels like he still has some control over you. He should just hide your posts from his newsfeed if they bother him. You are free to say what you want.

I wouldn't argue,but simply tell him that you have a right to post what you like on your page just as he does. Point out that he posts things you don't agree with and you handle it.Suggest nicely that he do the same.

If you want to continue "the discussion," which I consider a waste of your time, fine. Ask him what his concerns are. I guarantee his answer will be:

I am concerned for your eternal salvation. He will dodge the unsavory issues.

If you would like to diplomatically ease the tension and provide him with some food for thought, try this:

"I know you understand how difficult it is to maintain one's integrity in a world full of criticism. It was very difficult for me to risk your friendship and respect by standing up for the truth the church has kept hidden. As I see it, I am 'Choosing The Right" and would wear the ring, if I still had it. Just know I care about your feelings and apologize for any snarkiness that crept into my comments. You might understand why I might be bitter having discovered that my trust and dedication was misplaced. Best of luck."



Kathleen Waters

"Dear ex-bishop,

I am copying and pasting what my other FB friend, Kathleen, said. I mean, if copying and pasting was good enough for Joseph Smith..."

Tell him if he doesn't like what you say on FB not to read it. DUH! People make things too hard.

""I'm sorry I've offended you, it wasn't my intention." - what if it WAS you intention to offend them?

cludgie, you have given me strength to come out on facebook. I have debated this for years, though I am not on my fb very often. But I have past ward members and such, and I didn't want to offend them. But yet they post all their mo crap, so you should not have to apologize about your beliefs or opinions on your page.

Thank for your lead!!

It's good and empowering to own your ex-Mormonism.

And I meant to say "CONGRATULATIONS!" but was in a fog at the time and failed to comment further. I'm so happy that I had a part in influencing somebody to do something like that. I'm known more for people ignoring me. I do hope this works out well for you. Like I say above, it should empower you, even if you're a bit fearful at the start. It's not good to p*ssy-foot around the sensitivities of offended Mormons.

"What to say to my old bishop, offended over my Facebook posts"

If he is offended by your own (now enlightened) personal opinions, tell him to unfriend you (or unfriend him, either way).

That discussion shouldn't take too long..

It's your wall and you can post whatever you wish to. I would tell him that it is not your intention to offend, but if that is the end result for him he may wish to delete the post, or unfollow or unfriend you. If he makes a second complaint, do the job for him.

Sometimes I have FB friends who post political or religious views that I either disagree with or find offensive. I ignore or delete the post. If they make a habit of it, I unfollow them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/02/2014 10:30AM by summer.

I changed my few Mormon friends to "Acquaintances." My posts are shared with "Friends except acquaintances." That way my negative comments don't show on their newsfeed.

I'd recommend keep your message very short and to the point. If you type out an essay then he'll probably have to reply with another essay to address every point you made, then you'll have to reply back with an even longer essay and so on. I've had discussions like this before where it spirals out of control and it's impossible to have a meaningful discussion when you've got 20 different arguments on the go at the same time.

Perhaps something like:

"I'm sorry I've offended you, it wasn't my intention. What in particular is it that upsets you about my posts?"

Tell him to follow the Prophet... and the Prophet should follow you cludgie.

(anagrammy, as you mentioned said it well, puts it simply to 'em)