I think I have left it too late to turn my life around because I am very tired and I can't seem to face dealing with all the situations any more and now I am ill and I just can't do the necessary. Nightmare, of my own making in parts, I know. Oh dear. Woe is me.

Copper ... You OK? You're not thinking of checking out right now are you? You've reached out and that's a good thing.

What's going on???

;o)

I left in my late 50's. It was hard, but not insurmountable. Is it worth it? Yes, yes, YES!
Stay. We love you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2014 03:47PM by rationalist01.

People often get caught up in making a complete change when baby steps might be a better way to go. Perhaps there's just one small change you could make this week and stick with that? You don't necessarily need to change everything all at once.

Its just major problems with my house that I can't action anything about ........and I was burgled last night and I think the lead stolen from my outbuilding which now has rain soaked in it and I have 5 animals out there that I will have to bring inside now. But I am very ill too, but I don't go on about that, it is just stuff gets on top of me. I don't like to present myself as moaning but I am struggling to cope now. I am very upset with the whole situation of my life and I don't know how I will be able to sort it out because I think I have left everything too late. The police just said that lead theft is rife across the town and once it is gone, it is gone. But it is so strange because just last wed I put in an objection to my council planning dept as notification had come about building work to be done behind me and I said that my outbuilding was connected by a lead gulley to the building they want to demolish and I asked to be informed, so I rang planning to report that I now had rain down my walls but the police said they could not link the lead theft to the building work as there is just no evidence it was them. So then I had to email planning because I don't want the builders to be accused for something they probably never did. But it is very upsetting and I have such bad problems with my neighbour, massive story but she has a blocked drain that she will not attend to and the smell and flies is dreadful and she has her tv so loud and if I mention anything to her, she turns the volume up. Sometimes I sleep in my bathroom or kitchen.
I am scared to speak to her but I am worried about the water seepage onto my property from the drain, which I actually think is cracked.
I am losing so much weight, even for me. I have already has 2 cancer scares. The drug I take for the brain tumor can cause gynae cancers. I just can't face another trip to the doctors. I know that is what I should be doing, it is so sensible to do that....but everything has seemed to come to a crashing halt for me.
I wanted to wait a little to build myself up again and build up my life before I tackled doctors again because it is so stressful especially in my circumstances of poor housing and being alone but I worry it will be too late, but yet I can not go.
Trauma and PTSD. I am shot really.

It really does sound overwhelming and I don't blame you one bit for being discouraged.

Is it possible for you to start over with a simpler life? Many of us have had to do that as we age due to health problems.

You don't say how old you are or if you have any family to help, but I can tell you this: I have worked with many people whose lives have gone to shit and this is how they have crawled out of the whole:

*In view of your health status, revisit what you think a happy life for you looks like.

*Put your health and sanitation FIRST - and this includes your mental health. This may produce an odd result, such as your cat being more important than your mother, but we're talking about reality here--about survival.

*Become your own best friend and care for yourself as though you were a sick friend. Take time to make yourself a meal and use a placemat. Start treating yourself like you are worth it.

I have had to care for myself through childbirth, major surgeries, and recently a double mastectomy with complications. You can do ANYTHING in 15-minute or 30 minute sessions, then rest. And say to yourself "This too will pass."

Don't get discouraged, make it a game and if you lose the house, you can still be happy. If you lose your health, that is much more serious.

Please let us know how you are doing. We care!



Kathleen Waters

Thank you.

Do you think a local group could get involve by providing some service or assistance to you? Maybe a local community service that takes care of a block of homes. I can't tell if you are in a small rural town, outside of the city limit or whatever.

KW's advice is good.

I'm so sorry for your troubles right now. It does sound overwhelming. Take care of your health.

;o)

Copper, chronic illness puts you at greater risk of having depression. A feeling of being overwhelmed is a symptom of depression. I know there are real problems in your life and it seems like they are causing your feelings of being overwhelmed, but if you have depression and you get treatment you might be able to cope better with those problems.


Your neighbor sounds like an asshole. There are laws against making too much noise. I know that calling the police might sound like an extreme measure, but actually it isn't. If they have turned the sound up after you have asked them to turn it down then they are going to have an interesting conversation with the police! I would expect the police to explain to your neighbor what the laws are and how they can keep within the law. They will try to diffuse the situation rather than make it worse. They don't want to be called out again! If your neighbors are still too loud then I recommend putting cotton wool in your ears to reduce the noise without it feeling uncomfortable.

It sounds like you are surrounded by a-holes. It is difficult to separate yourself from people around you, when you feel helpless. Your problems are not related to your opinion of the Mormon church. God is not punishing you. Leaky drains and such are just life happening, and "it rains on the good and evil alike." I doubt if your former bishop or any other Mormon would have come to your house to fix your walls, or tell your TV neighbor to turn it down. It seems unfair that you have to deal with so many problems that are not your fault.

Are you in a rural area? In Utah?

Do you have any family?

Are you a senior citizen?

I can see that you are attached to the idea of living in your own separate place--especially because you have animals. But--honestly--I know a lot of people who have moved into a condo or an apartment, and they love the freedom. Most of these people could afford a larger place, but they don't want all that responsibility and maintenance. I lived all alone with a big house and yard for 7 years. I love yard work and animals, but my chronic illness took a lot of the fun out of it. Luckily, my daughter and her family have moved here for a few years, while they save money for a house. It is noisy, I probably work harder than ever (plus my career), and I get tired, but I'm happier than I have been for years! It seems like you have only one bedroom (otherwise, you'd be sleeping in a quieter bedroom), but there are solutions, and human beings can adapt.

See a doctor now, first, and don't wait until things get better. When you don't feel well, life can seem overwhelming. When you get your energy back, you will start figuring out solutions.

Good for you, for calling the police. Call the doctor next. You will feel more in control, as you take care of yourself.

Have you tried ear plugs--the wax kind? They work, and are cheaper than sleeping pills. Turn on your radio, and tune it to play static. This is the same as "white noise." A white noise machine is expensive, and a radio does the same thing, to drown out your neighbor's TV. Move your bed away from the wall, or turn it around, so your head is toward the center of the room. Sleeping with pets can disturb your sleep, too.

I hope tomorrow looks brighter for you. Please let us know how you are doing.

Oh, you didn't say how long you have been out of Mormonism, but most of us were shunned by our Mormon friends and neighbors, and even family members, when we left the cult. Shunning makes you feel very, very alone. Look around for people who will be good to you: Police, doctors, nurses, GOOD neighbors, 911 and ER workers, community groups, senior citizens centers, etc.

Thank you all

Hey, ((((copper)))), I'm sorry you are feeling so down and overwhelmed. I know and understand that feeling of too much too wrong at one time and nobody to help. Things will get better, they always do!
After spending most of my life in the country, I had to move into an apt. 11 years ago. I went through and adjustment period, and now I enjoy apt. living, and would not go back for anything.

Copper, I'm sorry for your troubles. Life can get overwhelming at times. I agree with those who say to make that doctor visit. It will be one thing that you can take off of your mental checklist. Just tackle one thing at a time.

Give yourself at least one thing to do every day that will make your situation better.

A phone call, an appointment, a repair, moving furniture around. Whatever needs done. Make a list and prioritize it. One thing one day at a time.

I have also lived in the country (with animals) for a large part of my life. I've also spent a large part living in apartments in the burbs. As I get older, I know that eventually I will go back to apartment or condo living. It's sooo much easier in so many ways.

First of all, there a rules that your neighbors must adhere to, or they are OUT! Those rules also apply to you. Remember that. Some places will allow a pet. Pets can be therapy, but they an also be a huge burden. If you're not well enough to care for animals, they need to be re-homed. Not easy, but best for all involved. Not to mention, they cost a lot of $$$ to care for.

It also sounds like where you live is getting to be too high maintenance for you. That is a problem that can be solved.

Sometimes we have to accept that our lives are changing and we have to adapt. It may not be what we want at the time, but it is what it is. Change can seen overwhelming. However, if you make the needed changes you may find they are just what you needed and make your life better.

Consider the idea that you need to make some changes. Take the steps to make that happen so you can live a life that isn't so distressful. Sleep is important. That's a big consideration. Take steps to make your sleeping situation better. It may mean temporary ear plugs, moving, or talking to your neighbor. Is there a reason for the loud TV that you don't know about? Is she going deaf and maybe needs some headphones she can't afford? Maybe she's also losing some of her physical abilities, and is taking it out on you. Consider having a conversation to find out what's going on.

Just some thoughts and ideas. Hoping things get better.

Thank you all. I didn't really realise that I wanted to move and that seems to have come across strongly to you all and I see I do want that. I have been here 20 years. I love my home but it is becoming too hard for me to be here. I don't know where to go.

A real estate agent can work with you. A good agent will listen to you and keep listening to your reactions as you look at various properties. That way they can hone in on a property that will be ideal for you.

I live in a condo. I don't have to worry about yard or exterior maintenance -- that is all done for me. It is ideal given my modest income and busy lifestyle. The condo is street level in the front, but one level off the ground in the back where my unit is located. So I can carry my groceries in easily, but I also feel secure not having my windows and deck on ground level. The deck faces a back woods, so I get my nature fix. I also grow potted plants on my deck, and I have a nice wicker chair out there to relax in. The soundproofing is great -- I almost never hear my neighbors.

My mom moved from our family home when she was in her 50s. With a half acre of land and extensive gardens, it had just become more than she wanted to maintain. She found a wonderful senior condo community with a pool, clubhouse, and activities. Later in life she moved into an apartment by the beach. Toward the end of her life we shared an apartment together.

The biggest problem in such a move is downsizing your possessions. But this happens to many or most people sooner or later. I did a huge downsizing this past summer. If you can get a family member to help you, it makes it easier.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2014 08:09AM by summer.

Copper,

From what you wrote, it sounds like you're in the UK. If that's correct, then couldn't your neighbour be subject to an ASBO order? They sound like the definition of anti-social behavior.

You should check to see if that's an option as well as social services.

Good luck.

I think there have been some really great suggestions.

It seems to me that trouble always comes in sets. It's never just one thing that goes wrong. It's usually in a series. But when things just get to be too much, it's time to reevaluate the whole situation, maybe simplify, maybe think creatively to come up with solutions you hadn't considered before.

Take care.

Just know that people out here care about what you are going through.

Hello. I had a better day today. I brought the 4 smallest animals inside. Tomorrow a man is coming to plane my back door so it shuts properly. On Sunday last the cat I have been looking after came home with a different collar on and a tag I have seen on him ages ago, so I think his proper owner was away for 6 months and left him being cared for by a neighbour. He was in a terrible state and I have worked hard to bring him round. He is in great condition now. I thought he was to be mine now as he is not scanned and we advertised him as lost legally and no-one came forward. On Sunday I was sad but now I see this is fantastic really as I can enjoy the cat when he visits, but he is not my responsibility. I am weaning him off being fed by me.

I had a lovely meal today with friends who are as close as I have to parents and it was very nurturing. :) Then I sat in my garden after dark with tea and guess what....the bat came!

I have not seen the bat for ages. It made me very happy and to remember everyones words on that thread too.

Oh, and I don't go to that church anymore, the one with the horrid man. I seriously don't know why I tolerated that for so long. It feels so great to be away from such people.

I am thinking about my involvements and making sure they are respectful to me and healthy. I am going to continue to simplify my life and I have everyones words in my head to help me whilst I walk the journey.

You are all the best, thank you so much. I always remember everything people post to me on here. It was worth being mormon to have met you all. Thank you for caring :)

Glad you're feeling a bit better, Copper. I would still talk to the police / local council re the noise and its effect on you. Lack of sleep is a bastard.

I can relate - exhaustion + illness + 'less than the best' housing. Made a pact with myself this past week that I would at least make sure I got enough sleep, as that's in my control.

Way to go, copper! Keep that progress in the right direction continuing on!