AP - Salt Lake City

Thomas Monson surprised most faithful Mormons and himself by finally receiving his "Initial" revelation. Yes, this being Monson's first revelation coincidentally was all about the eternal significance of one's own initial.

"This saith the Lord, I being a socially minded deity have noticed how much more spiritual and special my servants, the apostles and first presidency are who have an initial in front of their middle name.

Yea, verily, my servant L. Tom Perry is my current favorite with M. Russell Ballard and D. Todd Christopherson clicking right up his clacker.

For behold, when stopping by the Judgement Bar for socializing and sipping some sacramental wine with my servant buddy, J. Reuben Clark we love to gossip about B. Gordon Hinckley and his eternal shopping spree at the Sky Mall of Kolob.

Thus saith Me again, no new members of the Quorum of the Twelve shall heretofore be called unless they have an initial preceding their middle name.

Thus, to set mine house in order I, the Lord your God shall be known upon the records of the Church and in the online scriptures as H. Jesus Christ.

Yea beware, those who defile my name by swearing in anger, 'Jesus H. Christ' rather than mine new name H. Jesus Christ shall be cast down to hell to burn along side L. Ucifer, yea, even Satan."

The following current servants of H. Jesus Christ signed their names in support the this revelation:

S. Tom, K. Boy, L. Tom, H. Dal, M. Russ, B. Hen, G. Ric, D.Rob, R. Jeff, A. Dav, L. Que, D. Tod, L. Nei, F. Die.

The Mormon version of an Initial Public Offering.

Don you are killing me this week. LMAO

I didn't think you could top "God is outside of time; and by time, I mean credibility."

P. T. Barnum's got nothing on these guys. Well, maybe an extra initial but they're the bigger circus. Bravisimo brethren!

For über spirituality any deity worth their celestial salt must have two initials. For example a godhead that trumps the current gawd awful gang is:

L. O. Him, T.S. Elliott and P.T. Barnum mixing the usual aspects of religion with psychosis, literature and clowning around.

I don't think it matters whether it is Jesus H Christ or H Jesus Christ as long as his twin brother Harry is openly acknowledged.

One year my mistress and I were shopping during the Holidays. she often ejaculated with, "Jesus christ and His bother Harry. In one store we happened upon a cretch with two infants in mangers and I knew that Harry did exist. I just nudged her elbow and whispered, "I now believe. It is Jesus Christ and his brother, Harry."

Bob Christ

Shouldn't it be J. Henry Christ?