The latest things the members in my life are pushing: if you are having a hard time or trial, search for deeper meaning--it's always there.
I disagree. Sometimes a bad experience is just a bad experience. There's not always something you can learn....

Sometimes I just want to gripe and not have to look for a solution or deeper meaning etc. Why are Mormons so unable to listen to people needing to gripe?

Because griping is a manifestation of the Spirit of Contention, Mormons must never complain, because, oops, they might find themselves griping about their Exalted Leaders -- the guys who told them not to complain, to just suffer through the crap the Exalted Leaders inflict upon them.

In addition, if you're a Good Mormon, you are blessed with True Happiness®. If you're not happy, it means you're NOT a Good Mormon, that you're sinning somehow. And if you're sinning, others are justified in criticizing you and treating you as an inferior. So NEVER show any signs of unhappiness. "Oh, this crap I'm experiencing is a Glorious Lesson of Deeper Meaning which will further prepare me for the Celestial Kingdom if I can make it through without showing how unhappy it makes me."

Thank you--y'all get it!!

ab,
What you say makes sense to me. I'm looking at those comments in a different way now.
Thanks everyone for sharing--I see it both ways now.

Are you alluding to the awful expression that God works in mysterious ways? Or that everything happens for a reason? I hear you. Stuff happens. You may be able to learn something from it, or you may just be glad it is over. Mormons don't believe in just listening. All complaints must be minimized or put in a religious/judgmental framework. Of course it's not just Mormons, but their belief that any unhappiness or unfortunate event is due to sin is toxic.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/27/2014 05:35AM by Dorothy.

That's not Mormon behavior, that's human behavior. The urge to assign causal reasons for events is crushing. From why the stock market does what it does, why half of one jet squadron was shot down but another lost none, why a CEO succeeded or failed, to why someone who lived a squeaky clean diet got stomach cancer. The list is endless, and the one thing that isn't endless is people building stories about the events when the vast majority of cases are due to chance. People hate, hate, hate the idea that it was simply bad luck. Mormons are just in the ginormous group that resorts to the tried and untrue stories involving deities.

In my opinion, all literate people should read Thinking, Fast and Slow by Nobel laureate Daniel Kahnemann. It addresses this and many other problems with our brains that are empirically born out with dismaying reliability. We SUCK at probabilistic thinking, with statisticians little to no better at it than John Q Public.

We are reality creating beings. Think there is meaning and we will find meaning. Think there is no meaning and we will not find meaning. I hold to the belief that the person seeing meaning in suffering will grow wiser from the experience while the one thinking there is no meaning will grow more depressed and cynical. I like Viktor Frankl who experienced life in a Nazi camp and focused his psychology on finding meaning. Quotes from him below:
“Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
“What is to give light must endure burning.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
His book, “Man’s Search for Meaning” tells of his camp experiences.
"IF YOU READ BUT ONE BOOK THIS YEAR, DR. FRANKL'S BOOK SHOULD BE THAT ONE." —Los Angeles Times
You can read his book on line or download it from http://www.sciencelib.net/3718/mans-search-for-meaning-viktor-e-frankl.html

That is what gave me the biggest feeling of relief and freedom!


The thought that shit just happens!

It's not a test, not a trial, not a punishment.

It's just bad luck. That's it.


Such a relief!!