In 1998, discovered church was BS, and bailed with wife, and kids that were 8, 10, and 12.

Yesterday, was talking with daughter (now 26) who is struggling finding a guy. She has a college degree, but is working retail. Capable of advanced study, but just wants to settle and have kids, despite being raised to pursue a career.
She keeps saying she doesn't know where to meet guys other than bars. I half joked that maybe she ought to go back to church to get a guy.

Then tonight I was talking with my son (now 28) who says he's been going to the chiropractor, and getting acupuncture and he and his wife have started to go to a church, and just bought a new bible. I have a science background and am skeptical of it all, but he doesn't want to hear that.

Then my wife has joined a group called Positive Changes Hypnosis, which is supposed to be about weight loss. Has given them thousands of dollars the past year. Of course, she doesn't want to hear any criticism. Just tells me to shutup.

So, I thought by leaving the church, I would spare my family from the affects of the church. But turns out there are some good things about it they are now lacking (dating opportunities), and they are getting sucked into other scams. Seems that most people don't care if something is valid, but just want to feel good. After you spend alot of money, you have to beleive in it.

Dating opportunities? Be glad she isn't dating some mormon douchebag. Not trying to sound rude, but she is way better off.

good dating opportunities? Mormon men?? Listen, there are fantastic guys out there of all faiths. Fantastic assholes of all faiths too.

unfortunately, Mormonism is one of those faiths that brings males up that they are in charge and wifey should be home and raise babies. If that's a choice freely made by both partners, I have no problem with it, but Mormonism forces everyone into prescribed roles. Working moms? BAD. SAHD? BAD. It's ridiculous.

The chances that your lovely daughter would marry some guy and immediately throw all her dreams away to become a baby pez dispenser are drastically higher in the LDS faith.

My question is; do you live somewhere where you are still immersed in the mormon cult-ure? People want to believe in something. My dad is an engineer. He doesn't worry about an afterlife , but many people need to believe in something, need something to identify with. If you live in mormondumb, people compare themselves to the "standards" of the dominate culture.

Everything you mentioned could be scams people IN the church could get involved as well. Your daughter is not the only one whose career is below her qualifications. The economy still sucks. There are also MANY LDS women pining away, eating ice cream, and wishing for their Prince Charming. A desire for a family is a normal thing, mormon or nonmormon.

The scams you mentioned are fulfilling some need for your family members. The mormon church does the same, it fulfills needs for many while extracting their self-esteem, money and time.

I guess I don't have a conclusion, just some thoughts. I guess all of us need to open up, get involved, develop ourselves, meet new people, and develop new opportunities. A proscribed set of beliefs is just so comfortable for many even though their world is shrunk down by adhering to a limited belief system. The world is a big place, but we limit ourselves. I don't know if my comments are useful, but I typed them, so here you go.

What we think will make us happy, usually doesn't.

Try harder to find what makes you happy. And remember: this sort of existential angst about who we are, where we are and where we're going, happens to lots of people inside and outside churches, all the time. To a lot of agnostics, or atheists like me, too.

Sometimes that search wraps back around to oneself, and you get caught up in your place in this world. Sometimes people go looking for a guru to guide them and tell them their place in it. Sometimes worrying more about making other people more safe and comfortable in this world, can help. It's what I do.

Volunteer, donate, devote your talents to others who need you. There need be no greater meaning to your life than "feed the people" or "help give them medicine". If you could do this as a group or a family sometimes, this might be what you are all looking for.

Our family does these things together all the time, and it is not about a church, a doctrine or a prophet. It's about just doing good, and sometimes, even having a good time doing it. You find lots of other like minded people out there doing the same thing; it's how we met a lot of our friends. And my girlfriend found her husband that way. There's your dating opportunity, right there!

Talk to your wife and kids about it, and see if they'd be interested.

Feed or walk or play with shelter dogs or kitties; give to Habitat for Humanity, or Heifer International or The Pink Jeep Project. Work the food bank. The community garden. Rake leaves for elders in the neighborhood.

If looking for family fun things to do that aren't about that: Ride bikes together, take a cooking class together, join a meet up group for wine tasting or movies, or books. Take a family walk together, regularly. Start a garden. Go listen to free lectures at an area book store or university. Take a dance class, an art class. Anything!

^^^^ All of that is actually terrific advice for every single person in your family.

hypnosis programming can be valid.
Most peoples brains are easily programmable.
I'd rather my partner pay money for hypnosis than to LD$ inc prophet.
I don't think you have a valid comparison. It's apples and oranges.

I agree with Joan. Your family are trying new things, which is good for personal growth. You are OK!

Your daughter might get bored with retail, and decide, on her own, to go to college. Problem solved, as far as meeting men goes. I went back to college in my late 40's and met tons of men there. At only 26, your daughter would do very well, and meed men who are educated, motivated, willing to study, probably sensible.

Maybe a lot of your daughter's pressure to marry comes from you, whether you are aware of this or not. A woman friend of mine got married for the first time at age 40, and had three children. My woman cousin got re-married at 46 and had a baby at 48. Your daughter has plenty of time. Why would you even think of her marrying a Mormon man, who believes that women have no rights, believes he will have many wives in the hereafter. Mormon men make lousy husbands. I've had two. One beat me. The other left me for one of his other women.

Your son and his wife have probably found one of the good Bible churches, that really are churches, and really believe in the loving, giving-oriented teachings of Christ. They will be uplifted instead of brought down. A chiropractor won't try to brainwash your son, or steal away your grandchildren to join his secret cult.

If your wife has found a group that accepts her, loves her, gives her hope, gives her real friendship, a sense of community, helps her face the challenges of everyday life--then let her enjoy it. You could take that money and get her a professional (non-Mormon) therapist, which might do the same thing, except for the socializing thing. Maybe the hypnosis group overcharges, but I don't think you are throwing your money away, as in giving money to a cult business to invest in malls and cattle ranches.