I attended all of the sessions with my family to show support and was taken back by what seemed like so many talks about apostates etc... The theme seemed to be prevalent thoughout all sessions. My DW has recently changed her feelings and is more into the church and has let the fear propaganda constantly perpetuated by the church reel her back in. A couple of nights after conference she put a lot of pressure on me to re-commit and even threatened divorce. Any one else out there experience this after conference and have some advice on how to cope?

Love your moniker.

That is all.

Welcome,

Have not experienced this, besides this thread, another forum with people who have concerns with living with believers.

is neworder Mormon

http://forum.newordermormon.org/

Kindest regards

Sorry you are having to feel this hurt. For a period my late husband was questioning the Church-cult and I was way overwhelmed with child care. Our communication left much to be desired.....I was angry that he had the time to read and meet with others about his church concerns, when I, in turn, did not feel I had time to eat my own dinner.

I guess my point in bringing this up is I wish at this point in our marriage we would have gone to counseling together. We could have learned some pointers on healthy communication that could have save a lot of heartache that often followed. Is this an option for you and your wife?

Call her on it, doesn't the "Church" follow their own 11 article of faith.

Is today judgment day? Salvation is not a process.

Did God start forcing his will on others?

Why has the Church decided to force their will on members who have doubts?

Why are leaders so concerned about getting spouses and family to pressure the doubting member?

Is it good church policy to counsel members to did threaten spouse with divorce for non-complance?

When did obeying the Church leaders become more important than family? Because this conduct the leaders recommend is not a Christ like quality in your opinion.

If the Church is so true, why are they so threatened by doubting members, their questions and their perspective, could it be that it's because if all the facts are out in the open and truth be told they will be found out as the fraud they are?

If she found out that Joseph Smith made up his version of events and that there was no restored Priesthood authority on earth and
the Profits were just men running a very profitable religion would she still want to be a part of that?

"Did God start forcing his will on others?"

Huh, maybe Mormons are becoming Calvinists.

I want to be the 3rd most vote on this single branch of this thread. Its right on the money. In the most simplest of scripture terms, "judge not lest ye be judged".

This is all they are doing to get you to comply with the program. Fear tactics. If you don't follow and do it all 100%, to the lake of fire you go!" or "I won't love you the same or at all if you don't act like....."

Conditional BS to get you to "move along, nothing to see here".

Bottom line, maybe you love your spouse, but maybe you might be happier without the madness? Why subject yourself through such pain? Let the dumb be dumb and move on.

My fears in life are living a lie and complying to half truths.

I have not experienced this, but I am currently married to a TBM. It has been a year and a half since we began this mixed faith stage of our marriage. My wife has never made demands of me and has told me that I could stop attending church if it made me uncomfortable (which I did), and that I could resign if it would make me feel better (which I have not... yet).

Honestly, I don't know what I would do in your shoes, even with a supportive spouse it is tiring and difficult at times. It takes so much more effort than when it was a single faith relationship. Especially when I tried to watch this last conference with her. It has been so difficult that if my spouse was doing what yours is doing I think I would be ready to give it up and divorce.

That said, if you are new to this she may be going through a phase and she will come to her senses. Don't make any rash decisions, take it slow. Good communication is key, if you can listen well enough to get to the point where both of you feel like the other person understands each other then you will be alright. If not, I don't know if there is any hope.

Seeing a therapist who specializes in these kinds of things can also help.

How can she threaten you with divorce just for not believing?
The scriptures clearly tell her not to:

"13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and
if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

"14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and
the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were
your children unclean; but now are they holy."
--1 Corinthians 7:13-14

Ask your wife if she can find any official statement (GC,
ENSIGN, etc) by any GA any time in the past 100 years that
advises a anyone to divorce a spouse solely over that spouse
not believing.

Ask your wife if the Church is all about the family and
preserving marriage, why she is about to break up the family
and destroy a marriage because of the Church.

I would thank her for demonstrating tscc's absolute love of family and thank her for showing you what the church's stance is on this issue. Explain that any organization can say they love family and that they are all about family, but when a family is in crisis, Threats and bullying are the norm.

Ask her if it at all sounds "cultish" that she is threatening to divorce you because you aren't in.

I would tell her if she is interested in a possible divorce, she needs to attend all future church meetings and events on her own to get a feel for what her new life will be like.

This! I'd take it a step further and have a sit down chat and really discuss it.

It sounds to me like she is scared and under pressure to "look the part". Social pressure to conform in Mormonism is huge. So my recommendation is to GENTLY call her bluff.

Sit down and say "honey, if our marriage is going to crumble then I want to be smart about it. "I love you and the kids too much to let this deteriorate into an ugly, expensive fight that will only bring harm to all of us."

Then I'd start asking her what she wants to do for housing. Maybe you could suggest a budget strategy so both of you could save up enough money for first and last month rent on your own apartments. Ask her if she want's to enroll in school to either finish a degree or start a Master's program so she'll have some real earning potential. I'd also lay out some ground rules about how to discuss things with the kids. Tell her you are committed to keeping things civil and how you will never try to play the kids against their mother. That would be too unfair to them and to her. Make it obvious that you put their welfare above your own.

If she really wants a divorce you have at least set the tone for negotiations. If it was an empty threat then stone cold reality might get her thinking more clearly about what she demands.

Good luck. If you love her, then I hope it works out and end up in a stronger relationship.

"okaaaay, I'll believe agaiiiinnn ..."

Don't they realize they punish us for something we can't help?

Tell her if your marriage ends you will tell the kids that Mormonism broke your family up and is to blame for destroying your family.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/22/2014 08:32PM by snuckafoodberry.

Way to reward you for trying to be supportive.

I am obviously not you, and I absolute hate extortion. My answer to extortion is to call the bluff.

If she accepts then it's not going to last anyway. If she relents, then you have reason to think that a collaboration has possibility.

HH =)

I don't know if it was on account of GC or just coincidental, since she made no specific mention of it, but she laid a pretty good patch of judgment on me which hasn't happened in some time.

One thing it did make very clear is that her attitude about my "apostasy" has not budged one iota in eight years. I don't expect her to change her religious path, but we cannot seem to find a "I'm OK, you're OK" balance. She would need to shake off a little of her ultraorthodox thinking to be able to do that. At this point I am assuming that it ain't gonna happen ever.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/22/2014 09:54PM by mrtranquility.

DON'T EVER ALLOW 'RELIGION' TO BE A WEDGE!


TOTAL BS BS BS BS BS BS BS BS BS BS BS

I am married to a TBM (at least a social TBM and one that follows her friends/sisters) and as soon as I left the church I brought up the issue of divorce with my wife. I said I have tried to live with integrity based on my beliefs and will continue to do it and I am too old to be married and live with someone who cannot accept me and my beliefs or gets overly argumentative on minor issues (she also was playing these silly games making way too much out of small issues after I retired and was home more) ----- so if you cannot stand to have a Non Mormon husband that follows his own beliefs and does not plan on arguing about minor things each day of his retirement lets consider divorcing now instead of playing games with each other for a few years then eventually divorce.

We have both been a lot better/more honest with each other and sincere and our relationship has improved significantly. Of course the opposite is also possible with someone who will play the you need to do this for me or I will divorce you game from the beginning. Good luck ----- honesty seems like the perfect solution but with brainwashed TBMs ---- who knows?????

It is like playing games with grade schoolers. You must play the game by their rules. They get to change the rules any time they want.

And at any time they will stop their feet and say "I am not your friend and I am taking my toys and going home!"

Your wife sounds immature. My now EX TBM hubby pulled the same act on me. So, I called his bluff. I filed and he moved out on a whim to "teach me a lesson".

I changed the locks and he was SHOCKED that I was ok without him. I was hurt and depressed, but I was not destroyed permanently. He fought the divorce thru a very expensive process and kept telling people HE did not want the divorce. So, I called his bluff again and stated..."Well, what do you want out of the marriage? He just wanted to live at home again, go to church together, etc."

He wanted to play happy family. His wants had nothing to do with the relationship with me. I was just a role in his grand play to the stage of Church Inc. He used to tell me that he HIRED me for a job and if he could, he would fire me.

So, I told him. "I Quit. The benefits suck here."

RMM

General Conference always seems to stir up the brainwash B.S. Just give her the Love, outside of the religious belief, hopefully she will come around. Listen to her voice and confirm back to her what she is saying to you. "You want a divorce based on me not wanting to follow something that feels wrong to me"? Put her in her place of judgment and let go of the outcome. Tell her how sad you feel and how much you Love her. Good luck. I ended up divorced but much happier in the long run. It's not easy but it's worth it. I have no regrets and live free and more fulfilled.

Yup, exact thing happened to me. We tried to stay together for about 2 years, it was unbearable, now divorced and happy to be free of him and all religion.

My wife (TBM BIC) told me she wanted a divorce since I wouldn't listen to her.

I told her basically and kindly she could have one since the church meant more to her than me. However I still loved her but had my own opinion and she was not listening to me. It sorta knocked her out of the brainwashing long enough that I could get her to read Grant Palmers book which broke her shelf.

Now she is out (9 years) and could not be happier.

Mormonism works because people believe it. Unfortunately, the truth can't be hidden forever. Your DW's shelf will collapse eventually, and then what? Once you know what TSCC really is, you can't go back into believer mode. She currently has the LDS mind virus. You can support her until it passes.

General Conference is the Mormon equivalent to extreme Catholics and Muslims flogging themselves...it's torture. When I was married to my Ex-wife, every conference she would point out to me that I was not like one of those TelePrompTer reading Utah/Idaho robots.

I feel for you and I don't miss those days. I wish I had some magic advice but I don't. I've always found staying honest with yourself provides the best pathway to happiness. For me, I remarried a woman who loves me for me.

Honestly, I wish I could have that DWaters, a woman who loves me for me. I have been second place to the Church and mythical beings almost my entire marriage. 20 years- 9 children. I bust my ass to earn a six figure income- she is a stay at home mom- and most always I feel like "just another paycheck". I love her and my children deeply, it just hurts so much to be treated second class for a lack of faith, or should I say exercising my right live true to my conscience. We started our journey of doubting 9 years ago and her path led her back in to TSCC with an even greater commitment. We have read all of the sources so frequently mentioned on this site. I just can't understand how intelligent people go back. The only thing I can trace it to is her great fear of the kids heading down forbidden paths and she needed a support group for that and it roped her back in.