Panic attacks. I have suffered from them since about 14 years old. They've become less frequent over the years mainly because I'm an expert at avoiding places where I know one will spring up. Court rooms and classrooms are the worst (so I steer clear from breaking the law and educate myself at home). I've tried to self-analyze haha. I can go grocery shopping, rock concerts, sporting events, night clubs (even before drinking) and feel just fine. When it's a room full of quiet people that I have to sit by and someone is at the front of the room, this is my huge trigger. I want to bolt. Run out of there screaming. My heart starts pounding. I can only attribute this to one thing. The hours and hours I sat in sacrament meetings as a child. Being asked to give a speech up on that dreaded pulpit and then having my parents or family members tell me how great or horrible I did.Being told to sit still and listen when I couldn't listen! It was so boring and always some hysterical woman crying about "her testimony" and then to feel ashamed that I didn't listen. Shame shame shame. Guilt guilt guilt. This crap has followed me around my whole life but in benign ways without the brainwashing.

Then comes social media. All of the relatives from Utah County blathering out their love for the church leaders and the church teachings and the church gospel. They literally write huge posts, bearing their testimonies on Facebook!!! Knowing I'm no longer a member so they try and really lay it on thick (because thinking for yourself is the ultimate work of Satan you know...) I love my family. But they will never, ever accept me. I'm tired of feeling like I have to pretend I'm still churchy around them by not talking about beer or coffee or using a swearword when I'm on there and have had to make lists PG and G and R rated and categorize things before I post them so as not to offend the childlike mindset of my adult TBM mom, cousins, aunts, uncles, and their pets... Honestly, I was so sick of it. Deleted my Facebook...it felt like running out of a courtroom. Pure relief. Does anyone suffer from anxiety since leaving the church and how to cope with ultra, ultra, happy, joy, joy "If only you'd come baaaaacccckkkk." family members? I was born into the church indoctrinated from birth until I was a teen but still believed the theology until I was in my twenties. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my very long question:)

My situation is different but similar.

I have anxiety and panic attacks. I'm currently taking an antidepressant that has greatly helped.

To no suprise of anyone here I converted to Mormonism in my mid twenties right when I started having panic attacks and was at my most vunerable.

Funny enough the church has been a source of great stress and anxiety/panic in my life as I have tried kicking and screaming to hammer the square peg into the circle hole and make mormonism work.

For me I was trained from a young age to pursue the Truth™ and until you have the Truth™ your life is empty and incomplete. When I starting losing my faith and stumbled across the Mormons, I thought I had found faith and belief again.

Mormonism the way it was originally sold to me seemed entirely logical and brought that sweet feeling of faith and spirituality to me again!

Unfortunately/Fortunately, I decided to see how deep the rabbitt hole went and kept digging and digging and found a bunch of disturbing facts that 'are not very useful'.

This has contributed to an overall increased level of Anxiety and Panic. The antidepressant helps alot...but whenever I see an ensign, or a bible or a local ward I immediatly feel loss and regret.

I don't think I can ever go back...I wish I could feel that inclusion and spiritual happiness again...I was so happy there for a time.

Reality can be painful sometimes....*sigh*

I was abused as a child and then again in a horrible marriage. It didn't help that in one of my jobs, there was an abusive workplace situation. I couldn't afford to quit, but I did manage to get a transfer out of there to another state. That helped, but retirement was even better.

As a result, I have pretty nasty issues with authority figures. When I am in a situation where somebody tries to set himself/herself up as the Ultimate Authority Figure, I find some excuse to leave. I'm a grown-up; I can do that.

I have developed what the experts call an "avoidant personality," but all in all, it works pretty well for me. Stay away from "trigger" situations, and generally, the sea stays pretty calm.

I am as old as well, old, and PTSD was not even a diagnosis way back when. Mine resulted from emotional abuse in childhood, and so some authority figures in school, but mainly in the church arena, could start it all spiraling. I have empathy for you.

Counseling was eventually, it took several tries, very helpful. When I found someone that I could talk to that was totally unconnected and actually appeared to be listening to me, that was the winning scenario. Helped immensely.

Best of luck and keep in touch.