Okay, admitted I'm older than middle-age, but have guy friends in their 40s and 50s. I basically enjoy people and like kidding around, so I'm a safe friend for non-stake president, non-bishop TBMs.

Lately, a lot of my LDS friends have been on confessional kicks about how they have viewed porn, jack-offed, and felt that they have sexual "addictions." My response is okay, so WE all have looked at porn and being guys, some things are just natural for us. Why worry about these things? What do you mean by addiction?

I get puzzled stares. My friends view themselves as addicts. I've tried to point out that habits or occasional viewing are not addictions. My friends feel that even once is an addiction and that any "slipping" is sure sign that behavior cannot be stopped.

So, what's going on here? Have indiscretions now become addictions? Boner.

All right, here's how it works. Local church leaders who almost never have sex need to believe that masturbation and pornography are addictions. Why? Because if you're doing it occasionally without being addicted, then they can "fall" into adultery at any time without becoming sex addicts first. That thought is terrifying to them. They'd rather have a daily addiction of their own, and feel at some level that they deserve to be punished, than feel they could cheat at random on their spouse.

Looking at porn once in a while certainly does not make you an addict.

However, I do believe that some people can form an addiction to pornography, just like some people can form an addiction to alcohol. It is definitely a minority number but who knows what the actual percentages are?

I occasionally view porno myself without any noticeable problems. However, I do believe that porno viewing does make a man more susceptible to cheat on his partner. I think that numerous studies have confirmed this.

So then does wacking off without watching porno make you? just a a good fiction thinker? I only hear Mormons talk this way, and I suppose they would say two beers a day make a person an alcoholic. I drink 3-4 cups of coffee a day what would that make me? Mormons are idiots. I restore old sports cars 3-4 hours a day and eat a sandwhich in the garage and not with my wife I wonder what kind of addiction that is because I neglect her during meal time?

non-utard Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So then does wacking off without watching porno
> make you? just a a good fiction thinker? I only
> hear Mormons talk this way, and I suppose they
> would say two beers a day make a person an
> alcoholic. I drink 3-4 cups of coffee a day what
> would that make me? Mormons are idiots. I restore
> old sports cars 3-4 hours a day and eat a
> sandwhich in the garage and not with my wife I
> wonder what kind of addiction that is because I
> neglect her during meal time?


Couldn't have said it better.

Best post so far.

you took all the girls I knew in high school
brought them all together for one night
I know they'd never match my sweet imagination
And everything looks worse in black and white

Paul Simon :)

When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school
its a wonder I can think at all

If you took all the girls I knew when I was single

As you pointed out, habits or occasional indulgences aren't addiction. Addiction happens when the behavior takes over, to the detriment of one's relationships, job, and whatever else. The addiction dominates the addict's mental landscape and everything else becomes a distraction.
There's also a component of secrecy, isolation, guilt, and often denial ("I don't have a problem. I can stop any time I want," or "I did that once or twice, but I don't anymore" when the last time was the previous day). The addict may try to quit dozens of times, but it never lasts.

Ex-DH had sexual addictions, including porn. He denied it, but spent hours locked in the bathroom, even when kids were pounding on the door to use the facilities. This was pre-smartphone, so there were magazines, videos, DVDs, and computer downloads everywhere, but he always insisted they weren't his. Near the end of our relationship, he was visiting 30-50 websites every day and spending several hours a day whacking off -- so much so that he had visible injuries (and, I heard, later had to have surgery so he could still function after he got remarried). He lost more than one job due to his problem. He's been diagnosed more than once as bipolar, with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder and adult ADHD.

I doubt your friends have these kinds of issues going on. Not everybody who gambles, drinks, shops, or masturbates will become addicted. But some will -- and do.

Yup, my DH enjoys porn and masturbation about 2 to 3 times a week. But it doesn't affect our sex life, his commitments, or his love towards me. Addiction is when something disrupts your ability to thrive and survive. It's something he enjoys in his free time to unwind just as I have things that I enjoy for relaxation.

Even as a TBM I never had anything against porn except that TSCC told me it would prevent us from being an eternal family. But I still chose DH over TSCC so maybe I was always destined to be an ex-Mormon from the get go.

Spencer Kimball wrote that when men masturbate in a group that is what turns them gay. He should know. So have these middle age men been Jerking as a group? Have any of them turned gay?

Would group masturbation turn women into lesbians?

Stupid people making stupid statements for a stupid religion

So based on Kimball's theory, my DH is gay and I am a lesbian, because we occasionally masturbate together.

Could you pass the lotion before I answer President Kimball's silly accusations?

generationofvipers Wrote:
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> Could you pass the lotion before I answer
> President Kimball's silly accusations?

I'm going to ask a serious question because I honest-to-God don't know:

What lotion do you use???

None of the men I have ever been with have used lotion to masturbate (when they were masturbating themselves...NOT partnered masturbation)...

...and up-to-now we (here, where I live) don't even have anything but a couple of sample-sized containers of lotion of ANY kind here because neither of us use it except once-in-a-great-while when the humidity occasionally gets so low here that our all-over-the-body skin needs it.

To be clear: when we're masturbating together, or when we're with each other when one of us is masturbating, or when we're doing genital massage, etc., then we use almond oil (nonscented organic), or sometimes lube (again: nonscented, and as close to organic as can be bought)---depending on exactly what we're doing and with what.

But I've been thinking about this a lot since I first read this post and I don't recall any sexual partner of mine ever using lotion to masturbate during the time when that person and I were both together (living together, etc.).

And I'm really interested in what brand those experienced in using lotion use, because I just may go out and buy some..."just in case." ;)

I've got a couple of other questions about masturbation, but I need to check with my S.O. to make certain that what I'm going to say in my questions is accurate---and he will be at work for the next two or three hours.

But in the meantime, and for anyone who has opinions on this: what is the best lotion to use if you are using lotion to masturbate???

Thank you!!! :D



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 10/21/2014 10:09PM by tevai.

More sex than me? You're a slut. Less sex than me? You're uptight.

Same applies to looking at porn.

*sigh*. Leben und leben lassen.

Mormon leadership doesn't want mormons engaging in anything that distracts their attention from cutting tithing checks and being "worthy." This is the mind control that's talking. They also believe that one beer once in your life = alcoholic, or at least, a "problem with alcohol." (On the contrary, a problem with alcohol is when you run out and the stores are closed. THAT's a problem. ;>) )

It stands to reason, if tank tops = walking porn, then Victoria's Secret catalogs are also porn and indulging in anything nongospel related once = addiction. The church wants you addicted to their rules so you'll $end more money.

It all comes down to the psychological pressure that Mormon men are under. There's simply so much stigma attached to porn, that even the slightest "slip" can trigger an enormous amount of guilt. It's those extreme feelings of guilt that make them feel like they are addicted.

Tevai,

Both men and women should avoid using ordinary hand/skin lotions as lubricant. They may contain chemicals that can cause very unpleasant irritation and minor injuries. Some lotions could even cause latex condoms to fail. Stick with lubes designed for the purpose. Supermarkets, pharmacies and specialty stores carry several brands and varieties. In supermarkets and pharmacies, look near the condoms. Commonly carried brands are KY, Astroglide and Durex. "Adult" department stores like Fascinations and Christal's have trained employees who can help you choose from their large selection of lubricants. Do a web search of "personal lubricant" for lots of information and many brand options.

I agree with everything you've said here, anon4this, which is one of the reasons why I wanted to know what lotion is being referred to.

Since the subject is masturbation, it's not quite the same as if the subject were penetrative sex or something similar...and I really have NOT heard before about men using lotion to masturbate with...but if they are, I would like to know what lotion is being used.

Hi Tevai,

In a pinch, good ole vasoline works well. But, because its petroleum-based, a warm, sudsy shower is necessary.

Just, do me one favor, don't tell me your have a jack-off addiction! Lube and enjoy in moderation! The Boner.

Ah! In that case... I think people mention lotion just because they think it heightens the comedy.

anon4this Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ah! In that case... I think people mention
> lotion just because they think it heightens the
> comedy.

Ah-hah!!!

If THAT is the case...then that's why I've never heard of it before!!!!!

:D