My whole reason for living has been to love and support and raise my children. I'm retired, now, and all I am is a "negative" in their life. They don't call me, they don't come to see me. They would be happier if I died and left them my house and the inheritance money.

I try to be nice, but my TBM son-in-law gets easily offended, and likes to pout. He wants to move to California with my daughter and grandchildren, but she doesn't want to, so he's picking fights with me--?

My TBM daughter-in-law wouldn't speak to me for months, because when she said she was on a diet, I asked her "What kind of diet?"

At first, I thought these in-laws were jealous of me, or were mad because I (quietly, discreetly) left the Mormon church. But, honestly, most of us know when someone doesn't like us--right? We know by the body language, the scowls, the whispered remarks. There's "in-your-face" stuff and "behind your back stuff."

These two Mormons in my life come from Mormon families who have torn themselves apart by jealousy, gossip, and back-biting. Maybe they don't like me because I refuse to say anything bad about anybody. They ridicule me. They say things about me that are not true, for example, that the kids annoy me. I LOVE them, and my own children, and it hurts me to hear gossip that I don't love them. It hurts my grandchildren as well as me. I want to stop this divisive back-biting!

Why do both my SIL and my DIL and their families do this? Is it a Mormon thing? Should I stay quiet and nice, and try not to offend--or should I speak out and be assertive? I don't want to hurt my family, and maybe I'll have to continue being treated rudely, or whatever else it takes, to keep the love and respect of my grandchildren. I really need help, here!

I am crying. My son's baby is being blessed in the Mormon church, and they were going to use my family's name as a middle name. My DIL blew up at me, and now they're naming the baby something else. I don't like drama. I don't like manipulation. I'm comfortable taking a back seat and letting them live their own lives, and not smothering them, but I won't be stomped-on.

Maybe I am the villain, after all. I don't particularly like the in-law Mormon families. They never talk to me, and usually don't even acknowledge my presence at sports games or the grocery store. At least I say "hello" and talk about the weather or whatever's nice that's going on. I just stay neutral, and invisible. They have baby blessings and baptisms and missionary farewells and homecomings, and I'm never invited. I'm also not invited to any of their birthday parties for my grandchildren, or birthday parties for my own children, or Christmas Eve. When I invite them, they refuse. I'm not loud, I don't smoke or drink, I look and act normal. I just feel awkward as Hell in my own family....

I've been the odd one out for many years, since my spouse died. Now that I'm retired, it is starting to bother me. I might go back to work, just to feel like a relevant human being. What do you suggest?

First let me say that you are not just experiencing this in your head. This is what Mormon's do... They preach the exact opposite and say the exact opposite but they are experts at shunning.

People that I thought I would be friends with for life no longer email, call or speak to me other than in casual conversation at church.

I suggest you find a new stable of friends. Find a new outlet for your life experience and give back to groups that are worthy of who you are now.

When the TBM's in your family see you living a rich and happy life they will want to become part of it. Let them come to you. If you go to them, they will see it as weakness.

Sad to think we are talking about your family, but we are.

Thanks for that good, and positive advice. It is what I feel like doing. Going back to work would give me that outlet of better friends and experiences--for a few years, anyway.

Thanks for telling me this isn't all in my head. I mean, TWO Mormon in-law families doing this to me? Plus all my Mormon neighbors? This is crazy-making!

Mormons don't seem to be "on my side." What I mean is, that I am living a very rich and happy life, but they are 1)trying to take it away from me and 2)competing, and trying to out-do me. This is getting old.

I would suggest that most of the members of this board will like you whether or not they know you very well.

It is common for us to feel empathy toward anyone who is going through what you are going through

Hang in there

I am sorry for the pain of these experiences you have had with your family.

Finding an outlet to associate with others would be a positive.
You sound like you try to keep the peace but you need more than the cold shoulders of these people.

Volunteering in the community or finding hobbies to share can also be helpful in making friends.

I like having a cat for company, She is good company to watch T.V. in the evenings and can keep herself company when needed.

Thinking of you ;)

I agree with the suggestion to keep busy through work, volunteer work, or hobbies. You sound like a nice person and you write in an intelligent manner, so I wouldn't take their behavior personally. It's not you, it's them. Try to find a balance between being nice but not being a doormat. Stand up for yourself when necessary.

If you don't have a cat or a dog, you might consider it. Pets are a good outlet for nurturing impulses. You might also consider volunteering as a tutor in an elementary school. There are lots of children who need some extra attention and help from a friendly older individual. Also, try to cultivate non-Mormon friends. It would provide a good balance for you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2014 10:45AM by summer.

I'd like to get a pet, but my family is allergic.

Thanks for your sympathy. I feel sorry for others who are being shunned. I read some stories of divorces over one spouse leaving the church. That would be worse.

I find it especially nasty, that the Mormon attitude can effect families that are no longer Mormon--just by a marriage to a Mormon (my 2 in-laws), or a friendship with a mormon (my TBM neighbors).

So--there is nothing I can do about the rude gossip about me? There is no way I can stop them from lying to my grandchildren?

Is the only solution to move on with my own life, and leave my grandchildren to the Mormon lies and gossip, and lose these precious relationships? Even if I lose my Dear Ones, do I just throw them under the Mormon bus?

I'm afraid that I'm going to fall short.

I can tell you about my relationships with my brothers, though.

My father and my stepmother have two sons who were born when I was 12 and 15 years old. My stepmother let me hold one once. That was it. I couldn't feed them, pick them up when they cried - nothing. I lived with my mother, and I saw my brothers once a week. I was allowed to see my father weekly.

Wow. I feel like it's happening right now. Anyway, the only way I could comfort myself was to tell myself that one day my brothers would grow up and decide for themselves if they want to have a relationship with me.

I was in the military or living in another state for most of their childhoods, but I moved back to the area when they were in their mid and late teens. They chose to get to know me, and they chose to allow me to get to know them. They'd call me when they were in trouble or when they were thinking of doing something that would make our father flip, and I'd talk them through the jam.

We know each other despite of our parents. We have relationships outside of those that our parents chose for us. It happened: They decided that they wanted to know me. We love each other, and I don't say anything about my childhood relationship with their mother.

I hope that your grandchildren choose to get to know you for themselves. It's possible. I'm sorry that it isn't happening right now. It's a terrible feeling, and it's horrible when children are treated like footballs. I hate it.

Here's to the day that your grandchildren seek you out and feel your wonderful love.

Beth

That's a beautiful story :-)

They won't change, sad to say. Jesus wants them for a shun beam.

LOL... that's funny, Don!

Haha!

Maybe you should consider re-writing your will to leave everything in some type of trust to your grandkids. They will most likely need help to go to college when they're older. Maybe it's time to sell the house, and get yourself a condo and new neighbors in a place that isn't so TBM. Take a cruise, and have some fun. Just a thought. My 83 year old mil lives in a retirement community in Chandler AZ. She loves it. She has several classes that she takes, and a group that she travels with. She feels safe, and is very busy. Her husband died 9 years ago, and her friends were there for her. She's a nevermo, and so are her friends.

Retirement is a good time to pursue things you've always been interested in, but didn't have time for. Whatever that may be. Google is your friend. You can find out if there are classes, workshops, and all kinds of groups that meet together for all kinds of things.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/19/2014 11:08PM by madalice.

I am terribly allergic to both cat and dog dander and I still have a cat and a dog. Even if I had to eat Benadryl as candy, I'd still have pets. You should reconsider your decision. You (or family members) will get desensitized to the dander eventually or you could go to an allergist and get shots--they work.

I don't know what's going on with your TBM family but you can't control them, only yourself. You can have a positive, happy attitude and look elsewhere for fulfilment than from your mean-spirited family members.

I agree with those who tell you to get a job or volunteer. You will feel better and happier.

Also, find a really engaging hobby.

Good luck.

You are obviously getting nowhere with the Mormons in your family, they have too many problems and hang-ups of their own.

Cut the ingrates out of your will and find yourself a non-Mormon girlfriend, we always hear good things about Methodists or Universalists on this board.

Sometimes you just have to get new people lol.

Thank you for your encouraging stories, madalice and Beth. Maybe it is time for a lifestyle change, and time to rescue a dog!

It would be fun to see a list of everyone's favorite "engaging" hobbies! Those might be all over the place! Most of mine are solitary, such as reading, gardening, hiking, taking classes (studying is solitary, and classmates are 19-23 years old.)

I have a very solitary hobby. I paint. It's not a group hobby.

However, I also do workshops. That puts me around people for a solid week at a time. I love painting workshops.

I also sell my work. I live in an area that has a 4 day art studio tour every year. In those 4 days you can see over a 1000 people! It's a bit extreme to go from reclusive to bombarded. After 4 days they all go away. The good thing is they leave their money and take a tiny piece of my work home with them. It's very fulfilling to know that someone likes something you've created.

By the way, most of the workshops I take are full of people 60 and older. Majority of them are women. I always thought that would be the place to be for a single older guy to meet some interesting women. Not everyone is single, but a lot of them are.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2014 12:36AM by madalice.

To meet more people:

Reading and discussion groups can be a nice way to get to know others.

There are many garden clubs in most areas, with informative meetings and social get-togethers. Sharing your plants and/or produce with others can also open the door to new friends. And many public gardens have volunteers who help with the work, and also give tours, and organize mailings, and so forth.

Most areas have hiking clubs, too.

And in the hiking clubs, as well as the classes, please be aware that many older people find young friends, if they are open to them. I am (used to be is more accurate, now that I think about it) one of the shyest people on the planet. But I have learned to listen to others, and offer help to others in classes (and asking for help can be just as effective). And continuing the conversation from there in the school cafeteria --- which is how I met some of my best friends. Try going to the cafeteria before classes, and smiling and greeting classmates whom you see. Ask a question and really listen to the answers. Sooner or later, you will be sitting with a regular group of friends.

And do join a volunteer tutoring group --- and help out in the office. You will meet really nice people, and (you may need to get the ball rolling) most of those groups enjoy potlucks. You have a house. Make yourself the host, at least occasionally. You will find that many young people love having an older friend to talk with and learn from.

Good luck!

Have you talked to your Son or Daughter privately and let them know you feel shunned? Let them know you hurt and would like to be a part of their lives.

What ever you do, do not make the in-laws or Mormonism the "target" of blame. It may be true, but you want to focus on the desired outcome, to be part of the family.

You must ignore assumptions and gossip. However, do NOT ignore bad behavior in your own home. If an in-law speaks ill of you in YOUR home. Softly speak up and say, "That is enough. I am sure you were raised better than that." or whatever it takes to get your voice heard.

I would start finding new friendships with people you can build memories with. Volunteer at a shelter, a food bank, a thrift store, a non profit group, etc.

Make attempts to connect with your grown children first. Let them know you DO love them. Talk about how you hear rumors are going around about how you do not love them..and ask THEM if they think that is true? If your grown kids do not care...then let it slide and ask THEM how you can build a better relationship.

Best Wishes from another of the shunned....

RMM

Now I will admit I am biased but I think a Coton de Tulear might be just the ticket for you! They don't have fur they have hair and I have had ours around people that are allergic and she did NOT set them off. They are a small size, WONDERFUL disposition and personality. Smart but not too smart, loves everyone and every other critter. They never lose that "puppy play" but they are great little snugglers too. Long lived and very few genetic problems. If you keep them in a puppy cut there is minimal grooming. They will fit into just about any kind of lifestyle as long as they are not left alone too much. They are a companion breed and they need their people.

https://www.akc.org/breeds/coton_de_tulear/index.cfm

http://www.animalplanet.com/tv-shows/dogs-101/videos/coton-de-tulear.htm

http://www.animalplanet.com/tv-shows/dogs-101/videos/coton-de-tulear.htm

This is our Angel, the apple of her Daddy's eye. I swear he loves her more than he loves me. I will even catch him talking baby talk to her lol.
http://pic100.picturetrail.com/VOL678/3529167/23655964/402003264.jpg

She ADORES being dressed and having her hair done. She will bark and cry until you dress her in the morning. My Papillon doesn't care one way or the other but Angelique MUST be dressed. She has um, quite the wardrobe.
http://pic100.picturetrail.com/VOL678/3529167/23655964/401036283.jpg

And I think she was the cutest baby EVER.
http://pic100.picturetrail.com/VOL678/3529167/23655964/394682970.jpg

You might even try obedience or if you have the energy agility. Good way to get out and meet people. If you have any questions feel free to mail me. I can talk about dogs for DAYS! ExMoLight@gmail.com

I agree that dogs are great companions and you meet the nicest people at dog parks. Having a dog can open up a whole new world for you. ( OMG Susan, I believe this is the type of dog I had as a child. I never knew what kind of dog she was, but the pics are uncannily like her. Thank you for the info.)

To the original poster...you asked for a list of engaging hobbies....
Being a member of book groups, most libraries have free groups and they are a wonderful place to meet like minded people
Taking art classes at your local art studio or senior center
Glass fusing classes at your local glass studio
Ceramic painting stores are all around and you can meet some nice people at some of their gatherings
American Association of University Women
Author reviews at book stores with a group of people
Meet Up groups are endless
Volunteering at soup kitchens meeting all kinds of nice people
Google is a great first step looking for just the thing that will interest you.
Remember it is not you, it is them. Get out and enjoy your life. You've earned it. Best to you.

Oh, I am crying for you! (((hugs)))

Don't let the Mormons ruin your happiness and ruin your self-worth! The purpose of shunning is to make you feel so unpopular and alone and unhappy, that you come crawling back to the cult. Mormons shun to break you down. Sometimes, they shun to get back at you for rejecting their precious religion. Any way you look at it, shunning is abuse!

Please understand, and try to not take it personally--even in your own family. Shunning is Mormon standard operating procedure, and they do it to everyone, not just to you. You know that they even do it to each other, because you say that those Mormon families have torn themselves apart by being mean to each other.

These are your children's in-laws, and not your immediate family, right? Is there a way you can separate your own family, and become firm in establishing your own traditions and authority, in a reasonable, loving way?

I would advise you to be assertive, set your boundaries, and STAND YOUR GROUND. Hobbies are great, but maybe you don't want to retreat to the library or golf course on your grandchildren's birthdays.

I assume you are a man, and head of your household. The Mormons are trying to out-rank you because you no longer have the priesthood. I hope you believe, as do I, that LOVE is stronger than any authoritarian rules. Be the patriarch of the family. Instead of leaving money to your kids, spend your money on family outings, such as ski trips, movies, Disneyland, and whatever else they like. Invite them to dinner the day before or after the Special Holiday, and if you can't cook, bring in pizza and a decorated bakery cake. Do this once a month, or a few times a year, whatever seems best for you.

I hesitate to give you real advice, because I'm afraid of the Mormons. I've read too many stories about children disowning parents, parents disowning children, and of course all the divorces--scary stuff!

You are used to being half of a couple, and it is rough to try to keep your home together with all this drama going on. I'm sorry you lost your spouse. Plus, you are having to adjust to retirement. Your children need a slap upside the head--not just the in-laws, but your own children for not putting a stop to the gossip.

Still, you don't want to get between husband and wife.

Your in-laws might be very jealous of you and your house and inheritance. Coveting is a sin in the Bible, because it does hurt people. Since you can't undo your successful career, and don't want to burn down your house or give away all your money right now--what else can you do? They are probably jealous of the LOVE between you and your grandchildren. Maybe the grandchildren constantly rave about you, or naively say they have more fun with you. Jealous people have to swallow their own bile, and you should not alter your life to try to please them.

My daughter's husband's TBM family can bad-mouth me all they want, and make snide jokes about my ex-Mormon sons, and one of my daughters-in-law who is of another culture, but if any of us say anything at all to any of them, they take it the wrong way and make a stink about it, and accuse us of being a bad influence on the grandchildren. They are looking for drama! Remember, the Prophet himself has accused and labeled apostates as followers of Satan. Long story short, I sometimes say "hello" and maybe talk about the weather. But, they have won. They still have shut me up, completely, and I don't exist in their little world. They are in control. The man is a chauvinist, and I'm nothing but a single divorced woman. They own all the holidays--even summer vacation--and Sundays, bla-bla. But I LOVE my daughter and her children, and they love me. I refuse to say one bad thing about anyone, ever. I refuse to act rude. (except for venting here--sorry.) All we can control is our own behavior.

The poster is right, that you don't want to make all this about Mormonism. This is all about preserving your good relationship with your own children (no matter who they married) and with your innocent grandchildren.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2014 03:39AM by forestpal.

I'm sorry but that's the reality. It isn't your fault.

Sadly, exmormons as they get older can't count on family. We exmos have to learn to be self sufficient and tough.

I believe Mormons think they're doing God's will by discounting, ignoring, and mistreating anyone they think doesn't measure up.

My husband's kids have been shunning him since 2004. My new motto is that it's not a punishment to be shunned by assholes. Maybe it's not nice to think of family that way, but at its core, shunning is a really crappy thing to do, especially to a parent.

I agree with those who say you should find new friends and new hobbies. It's hard, I know, but people who shun do so to be hurtful. The best way not to give them that satisfaction is to live well. And if it were me, I'd find someone else to leave that inheritance to.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2014 07:32AM by knotheadusc.

As one of the responder said "cut them out", I'd do exactly that and make no effort anymore...

It sound harsh doesn’t it? “Cut them off”.
Our assessments of who and what kind of people we are is based on the interactions of the circle of friends and relatives around us. For you and I that included the church culture. The church taught us all to fear all outside influence that was negative to the church and its teachings. (I’m not taking about Christ’s gospel of treating neighbor as oneself)
Those lessons were many and spread throughout our living years and backed up by the people we trusted. Those fears were validated by repetition and they run deep. But somehow we saw past the fear mongering, the rhetoric, omissions of information in order to protect “testimony”.

Because of our personal integrity and for thinking a little deeper and backing it up with research we have become what the church taught us for so many years to fear. And so now we are outside that bubble. Now we are labeled by those still in the bubble as having made “bad choices”, “lost the light in our eyes”, “misunderstood the doctrine”, “bring a dark spirit to church” and a litany of other negative terms including “You have allowed Satan to influence your decisions”. Now we are tainted. Now our words could infect the righteous, now we can even influence children with the powers of persuasion by using goodness as trickery to gain un-converts. Now those inside the bubble are on high alert to every action you take and that over active alert tends to allow them to see things that simply are not there.

It is hard to deprogram ourselves when we spent our lives being defined by the church and by getting judged 24/7 by friends and family that were also in that same mindset.

That was the lie. You are NOT defined by such. You are defined by you. Take back the right that was stolen from you by the constant fear mongering. When we left the church what I have seen is that this is the stumbling block, the artifact that many hang onto after leaving. I had to deprogram myself of this very thing. I did have help. Others on this board helped along with NEW friends and acquaintances that were able to point these things out because they could see clearly what I was taught to be blind to.

Shunning sucks when you depended on that interaction to place yourself in the universe. See it now for what it is. Shunning is the churches program to keep the sheep and to protect itself from being infected and influenced by us. The believers are blind to it and it is the church’s fault for this deeply ingrained thought and behavior, not ours.

A close relative just passed away. I would love to go and support the spouse during this time but I will not. Why? Because when I first started researching the truth, my ex told her family which are many. When we went back to visit the entire family shunned me. All of them except this man and his spouse.

I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. Who needs the “stink eye” from 50 or so individuals when I am supposed to be there to respectfully attend and support those I cared about and who cared for me?

So I adjust my life around them. I will visit the spouse one a one on one basis afterwards and will get “prime time” that I could not have had during the main event.

Sorry this was so long. You are not alone! You are being shunned and they can hardly help it.

Take others advice on reinventing yourself. There is a big universe out there.

Go get some!

P.S. I forgot one more thing. Forgive them. It will do you good.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2014 02:24PM by AmIDarkNow?.

My FIL & SIL never had a great relationship and he has been cut out of my SIL's life for the past 15 years. He has a granddaughter who hasn't seen him since she was 3 and the other doesn't know him at all. He tried to maintain the relationship with the oldest granddaughter for some years but gave up. I know it makes him sad that he only has a relationship with our daughter.

I do wonder if the girls will seek out their grandpa when they're adults. He comes up in conversation when we see them and our daughter talks about visits with her grandpop. DH & I think it's disgraceful and selfish of my SIL to keep her girls from their grandfather. Both DH & SIL had a strained relationship with their dad when they were young. Unlike DH, she hasn't given him the opportunity to show that he's mellowed over the years.

I agree with the other posters who advise making your own life independent of your family. You may see a change in their attitudes when your family see that you don't appear to need them.

I would suggest that you change your will and leave your assets to a charitable organization that you support.

Let them know what you are planning.

They'll either be nicer to you or shun you (which wouldn't be a change from what they are doing now).

I am sorry you are being treated this way. I know exactly how this feels.

My ex-daughter-in-law, inactive TBM, has always and continues to treat my DH, DD and her daughter and me badly for 20 years.
Even though she is re-marrying a really great guy, she continues treating us like shit.

My grandchildren, her children, live with my son, in my house, and she just walks in as though she still lives there and just shuns away.

I say nothing to keep the peace. I don't know how much longer I can allow her to treat us this way.

I wouldn't allow that. If she can't behave decently, she can pick up the kids on the doorstep. Or they can be taken out to her car. Don't let her shun you in your own home!

What's that saying -- Old age isn't for cowards? Or for the self-pitying either. My teen granddaughter wisely counseled me on that a few days ago. Feeling sorry for ourselves is a terrible trap. We blame others, accurately, for being mean. But it doesn't do any good because they don't see themselves as acting mean. So, steadfastly refuse to pity yourself. At least you don't have ebola, right? (Feeble attempt at a joke.)

Our own Mormon neighbors have always been distant, but neighborhoods aren't what they used to be anyway. Friends these days are found in social networks of like-minded people. So you go out and participate with them.

If you like your home, stay there and make it a grandchild magnet (playhouse, tree house, Lego projects?). Any pets you get will also be grandchild magnets. They might not be able to come often, but they will certainly want to. Also keep in mind that those grand kids and maybe your own kids have a good chance of spurning the morg. Maybe there will be a divorce. (Your SIL seems kind of controlling and your DIL might be an actual mean girl.) And you can be there for support.

Have your own connections with your own children, separate from the in-laws. You have a whole history to draw on for that.

Also, you might change your nickname to something more aspirational--and accurate! Which takes us back to the beginning: no self-pity!

First, other people's behavior is about them, not you.
Secondly, they will continue any behavior that you will tolerate.

So, what do you want in your life? You decide!
Is it time to take the bull by the horns and take charge of your own life and live it on your terms?

YOU decide who you talk to on the phone, or elsewhere, who comes to your home, and who has a key and who doesn't.

You've been given a nice list of things to get involved in, even a dog that you could own.

My suggestion is to get busy and not be available to be used!

If some behavior is egregious, or unacceptable, put that person in "time out" for awhile. Ignore them, be too busy to deal with them. You can always have appointments, and I like to have an appointment with..... myself that is private and nobody's business! :-)

You set some clear boundaries. Let say, you tell everyone that you will not talk to anyone about religion. If they start on the phone, tell them ahead of time, I'm hanging up now. Also, tell them clearly that you know their opinion and do not have short term memory loss so don't need to hear it again!

You can do this with a smile and a sense of humor and keep people engaged in what you want to talk about, what you want to do.

It's nearly impossible to shun me! I'm very outgoing, friendly and if someone tries to shun me, I draw them into a conversation. They don't get away with childish behavior with me!:-)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2014 01:35PM by SusieQ#1.

I was encouraged to see my non mormon grandparents as unworthy sinners who would try to tempt me away from church. I found my way out eventually and am so grateful for the love they showered on me.

Have fun regaining your life. Don't be the lion who bothers what the sheep think about him.

Honey, I think you should cut them out so fast their heads may spin. Plug in the grandchildren for inheritance. Next, find you something to do that is fun and relaxing for you. I belong to a senior center that is only $25 per year and offers a gym, all kinds of classes, trips you can sign up for. (some are within the state, and once a year includes overseas trip.)
You can do something like this; it is so worth it.

Great advice above. I hope it helps. I know how it feels when you feel unloved. Sucks, doesn't it?

As you are looking for something to do to get out and meet people, be sure to check meetup.com. It's a great resource to find new interests.

Changing others doesn't work except in very limited ways.

Never pin your happiness on Mormons because if you've left their church they aren't likely to respect or love you as much as you deserve. Mormons think their god wants them to punish apostates. They think their shunning/ harassment might force a person back to church.

Hold your head high. This isn't your fault.

Refuse to play their game. If they treat you poorly, back way off. Show them you have spunk and can live your life without cowering and kissing up to bad behavior and mistreatment.

Reach out in small ways occasionally to test the waters but don't expect Mormons to come around and change their ways. Sadly, they are brainwashed and will only change if they have reasons within their own thinking and experience to do so.

Mormon church programming is powerful and a nice little granny can only do so much to combat it. The more you enrich your life and seem happy and self sufficient the more likely these Mormons might realize they can't force you back into their church. Once they understand the ground rules, they might try to accept your gestures of friendship, but if they don't at least you have some new contacts and interests to help make up for what you've lost.

Good luck.

Just yesterday I was looking at the Gates Foundation website and found all sorts of options for retirees to volunteer. I think six months helping in a Jamaican HS would be great. There are short and long term options all over the world and the US. AARP has helpful links as well. You might want to check it out.

In my brief experience, bonding with the in laws is not easy and your experience isn't so uncommon. Stay positive, but look for more than just your family for meaning. Although for my kids, grandpa was the best babysitter ever, whenever we really needed help. And we all loved him for it.