I think that I left TSCC just in time to realize that it was actually MY (and my husband's) decision as to how many children we want...which is 1. God forbid. I know that if I was still brainwashed we would be having at least 1-2 more out of duty.

yes

Yes and I can't say about the second Q.

No. I didn't get married until years after I'd left the church. Married a nevermo. Neither of us wanted children, so we had none.

I got married in the Salt Lake Temple. About a year later, my eternal companion accidentally conceived. (We were using birth control.) The idea of being pregnant and being a mother horrified her so deeply that she wasted no time getting a legal abortion.

Would I have married differently and had less kids? No. I believe now that my Life rolled out perfectly to teach me what I needed to learn and to balance my Karmic Accounting based on the sum total of my positive and negative behavior choices in this and prior lifetimes.

The thrashing I endured throughout 18 years of marriage to an increasingly violent female taught me a great lesson: Getting repeatedly beat up because you have no boundaries and can't defend yourself does not feel very good. Never ever do that to another human being for any reason.

Years later I eventually made a truly astonishing discovery: Life is Perfect.

When you realize and accept at a core level that your life is indeed perfect, and tailor made to teach you what you haven't yet learned (and need to learn), you can almost magically reduce your personal suffering and move through your learning experiences faster and with a lot less pain.

Life is Perfect for TBMs as well. Until they wake up, they suffer. If and when they wake up, they leave - or not. All perfect.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/18/2014 10:00PM by beyondashadow.

Yes and yes

I would have gotten married later and put off having kids. I got married at 21 (the same week I graduated from college) and became pregnant within months.

It goes without saying I love my kids, but I'm sometimes resentful that I never got to experience any freedom/travel/adventure as an adult. I grew up and pretty much became tied down immediately. I had bouts of depression when my 3 kids were younger from feeling trapped.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/18/2014 09:43PM by twistedsister.

Haha. I was an east coast mormon, 21 on the east coast is considered pretty young to get married and have kids. Old maid by Utah standards.

If I weren't Mormon? Oh ABSOLUTELY would have married differential or not at all. As far as children--no way to know. I like to think I would have gone with no husband, one child, two dogs.

I wouldn't have married my ex-husband had it not been for the church. First of all, I think I may have stayed with my HS boyfriend who was a never-mo and we may have ended up getting married at some point, but instead I moved away to BYU for college and broke up with him because I didn't think there was a future with him since he wasn't LDS. Secondly, I would have never met my ex had I not gone on a mission (where we met). Thirdly, most likely my ex, who is gay, wouldn't have felt the need to marry a woman had he not been raised Mormon so he never would have asked me in the first place. Fourthly, I wouldn't have felt the pressure to marry just because I was getting older (almost 25 which for a Mormon girl is old to still be single). I would've felt free to travel the world (which is what I wanted to do) and I wouldn't have felt like my main purpose in life was to get married and have kids--so I can see myself having chosen to just travel and never get married.

Also, if not for the church I probably would've only had one kid instead of two. After having my oldest I felt no desire to have more. I did feel pressure to however, and eventually, after several years I did kind of want one more, but I also think it was more out of a sense of duty than anything, so I had one more. That being said, I adore my son and can't imagine my life with out him so I'm glad he came along, even if initially it was for the wrong reasons. He's the light of my life.

Oh hell YES!!!!!!!

Yes and yes.

Like twisted said above, I love my kids dearly. Now that I have them, I can't very well say that I would give any of them up. But if I had some idea of the time and monetary commitments involved (rather than the cult-inspired BS about multiplying and replenishing and having faith that the Lard will provide), I would have done it differently.

I feel that I don't give my kids the individual time that they deserve, but it's really hard to do that when there are more than 3 or 4. I still bear a fair amount of resentment towards my folks to this day for their lack of positive attention in me growing up.

As far as marriage, I convinced myself at the time that I was doing it for the right reasons, but in reality I was lonely and sick and tired of seemingly being the only guy on the planet in his mid-20s that wasn't getting any sex. I still bought into that "sin-next-to-murder" horse shit at the time and saw marriage as the only way to satisfy those desires. Had I based that decision on compatibility and personality like I should have, it would have been different for sure.

Maybe. I have 7 kids, all of whom are successful adults. I could have done more for fewer, but maybe having less made them more self reliant. I would have married differently and at a more appropriate age. I married at 19, entirely too young.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/18/2014 10:34PM by rationalist01.

My story has been told here before. I married my soul mate...and that took a lot of work..and then we found out we couldn't have our own kids so we adopted 2. That was sufficient. Our life is full.

Ron Burr

Love my wife, but I would like a second life where I married later and had more adventure while young and had less children..... I have 5.

beyondashadow - THANKS you made my day...I needed to hear this.

It feels heartening when one's authentic sharing resonates out there somewhere.

Sad that the word and concept "authentic" doesn't even exist in the Mormon Lexicon.

I was one of those who converted for love. We married in the temple, had 4 kids, and divorced after 22 years for many reasons, but the church was definitely a factor. I was not cut out to be a Mormon, but I did love my ex when we got married. I never really wanted to join, but I gave it my best shot for the sake of our relationship. He told me at the end of the marriage (after I had left the TSCC) that he would have married me if I had never joined, but I just don't know. And I don't think he would have let it rest if I hadn't.

But one thing I do know, I was born to be a mother. I would have had more kids if we could have afforded it. I loved everything about it, from pregnancy and breastfeeding through field hockey and marching band, and watching each of them go off to college. Now I have four fantastic adults in my life that I love more than anything. I would never change that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/19/2014 12:23AM by DebbiePA.

I'm in the minority. I got married young and have 3 incredible kids and a pretty awesome wife. I'm really happy right now, and looking back at the ups and downs of my life I have no regrets.

I dunno. Given we met at BYU if I weren't a member I may well have married someone else. However, I can't imagine marrying anyone else. He is so perfect for me. It's funny, we were both true blue overachieving diehard Mormons, and then we left the church together. I am very lucky.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/19/2014 12:43AM by alyssum.

yes and yes, though I love my wife and it's a good relationship I would have never considered marrying LDS if I had been out.

Love the kids...always wanted to be a mother, so that part was good. Married their father? No way in he!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Grammar Nazi here. The term is "fewer kids", not "less kids".

LESS describes a singular noun, while FEWER refers to a plural noun. Think of money: I spent half of my money today, so I have less money this evening than I had this morning.
I had 50 dollars this morning, but since my spending spree, I have fewer dollars in my pocket than I had this morning.

Money is a singular noun. Dollars is a plural noun. Therefore, less money and fewer dollars.

As to the original post, which I appologize for hijacking, had I had known beforehand I would not have joined TSCC in the first place and definitely would have married differently. I have two children, so who knows? Had the husband been a different guy, there could have been fewer or more kids.

I appologize for the Grammar Nazi attack, but some phrases are like fingernails scraping across a chalkboard.

Where's that thumbs up icon? Thanks Grammar Nazi. Less for fewer and it's for its make me nuts as well.

The husband. Don't tell me. Bad grammar?

Definitely would have married differently!

Not that I wish or long to change the past.
Not that I love them any less.

No, I am with Mr. Burr on this one.

Call it finding a soulmate or what ever...I can't even describe the fullness of our connection, it is truly beyond words.

4 kids...would never change the ones we have nor would I change their spouses.

My seemly joyful life didn't occur from luck, we worked for it and we are still working on it.

I found happiness in this life by appreciating the things I have, not by the things that I could have attained.

I would have waited to get married and wish my kids had a different Father.

I would not trade my kids for anything. They have been challenging, but also the two greatest people that taught me about real love and devotion.

RMM

I am old enough now to look back at all the roller coaster ride and where it took me and be grateful for the ride. TSCC was definitely a factor in how I met my mate and how many children I had (7), but I can honestly say, I am in a very happy place now so I would not have changed anything. (Except, I feel robbed of the time I gave to worthless callings and loooong sundays spent at church instead of the outdoors with my boys!)

I probably would have married my nonmo boyfriend at age 20 and not married my gay husband at age 27. Or maybe some of the other nonmormons in between.

If I had married someone who wasn't gay, maybe I would have had more children. I have twins. I wanted more children, but I am very glad now that I only had two. I've found them to be a lot more work in their 20s than even their teens. Motherhood has not been anything like I thought it would be.

If I hadn't been a hormonal convert, I wouldn't have married my ex-husband. I never had children when I was married to my ex, and I'm still child-free today.