I stood in my kitchen the other day listening to a woman claim how only the Gospel can bring positive change into people's lives, and cited as anecdotal but irrefutable evidence a couple who she swears improved their station in life (no more tattoos, better jobs, short hair cuts, no beards, brighter countenance, and no cigarettes.) solely due to the Morg.

So my question is this: Have you seen a measurable, appreciable difference in your station in life since leaving the Church?

I have, by all measures.
-better health
-much, much higher income
-nicer home
-happy children
-friends from college and early life say I am the happiest they've ever seen me

The conundrum for Morgbots is this doesn't jive with what they've been taught to expect. It makes for some really uncomfortable discussions and some really mean-spirited comments to my TBM wife. Some examples:

- Your husband must be cheating on you.
- Your husband must be into porn (as if that were the key to the doors of outer darkness)
- You just wait for the other shoe to drop. He's gay.
- He's going to leave you. Nobody without the spirit can abide someone who constantly has the spirit.
- He will corrupt your children.
etc. etc. etc.

So what about you?

Kids: Much more relaxed, focused and happier
Me and my wife: Losing weight, laugh more, spend more time together
Business: Kicking more ass than ever.

Thank you Doug for your post

My family is much closer
I feel happier, less anxious, less depressed
I'm not as tired
Have more money, and less debt
Spouse is more rested
We spend much more time together
I used to DREAD Sunday. Now I love it.
Nobody monitors us anymore. I didn't realize just how much church members were butting into our life. I'm a bit reclusive, I think it caused a lot of anxiety when people just dropped in unannounced.

My family is so much closer than we ever were. We enjoy a FULL weekend to do whatever we want. We are living authentically by raising our children in truth and in not having to make up convoluted answers to church issues.

That said, we do miss some of the social aspects we had with the church. But we simply cannot bear to think of going back and hearing the whitewashed history and superficialness of it all.

Of course....had I stayed in the church and tried to convert my dear Catholic wife and paid a full tithe I would be divorced and probably bankrupt. There were a few years where that 10% was the make or break amount we needed to keep our farm going.

Ron Burr

Always.

I golf every Sunday morning at 8am and I love it. My wife meets me ou t at the club we swim with the kids until about 2pm. It's awesome.

It feels good being free of it but it also raises issues we never had before that are tough and make life more complex.

Mainly the constant struggle with family about how we raise our kids and how we are breaking a chain that spans generations. I love my parents but it's frustrating.

I'd die to save anyone in my family. But I won't LIVE for any of them. My life is my own and I only have one. I just want to be happy.

When I can afford it, my favorite Sunday worship is at the church of the 12ga. shotgun and clay target...nuthin' better!!

Ron Burr

SO much less stress since I stepped out of the rat race/hamster wheel towards celestial glory.

I no longer have the weight of eternity bearing down on my every waking moment.

I have more confidence in my ability to discern and make decisions.

I make friends easier and have no fear that normal social settings will turn me heathen.

And the best part is I now am looking forward to my future rather than viewing this life as a chore/test for obedience.

my husband was cheating with other men and I didn't want him called as bishop (as I had been told he would be). So people in my neighborhood think that he "chose" be gay after we went inactive and all the things that happened to us were all because we went inactive. Not like he wasn't gay before we married and hadn't been cheating since 2-1/2 years into the marriage (or was it 1-1/2)?

When we finally started coming to terms with our lives, now I have my boyfriend from age 20 back in my life for 10 years now. He has a long-term boyfriend. Our daughter is the perfect little Mormon and is doing well, but our son is not. So people look at us as though the problem is we aren't TBM, but about 5 other TBM families in our neighborhood have the SAME problems we have with their sons. I do take note that the Mormons watch and wait for bad things to happen. They've been waiting 10 years now for my boyfriend to break up with me.

The moment I left, years ago, marked my reclaiming my life. I was better from that moment on. I enjoy my life out of the morg every day, and so glad I made that choice to leave. Life is good.
I'm remembering how some members of tscc would talk about people who left and how they would say they were so much happier. The members would say well, the exmos just think they are happy; The Lord does not send them trials to help them grow and progress; Satan already has them. Hooooooow stupid!
15 years later my only regret is joining in the first place.

My Sunday depression disappeared.
My children and I are closer than ever.
We love Sundays!
We exercise more, and eat healthy foods.

I feel more like an adult, now, like I have some wisdom, finally!

I trust my own intuition and gut feelings.

I can say "no."

No one is abusing me--and for me, that is a big deal.

My new confidence and self-esteem has been good for my career.

Yea! Yes, oh god, yes!
No, I'm not climaxing. Lol

I have more health in the navel. I have had the windows of heaven pour out real blessings w/o the help of of p'hood.

Actually, I'm doing more or less the same after leaving the church. Which I think is more damning that if I were happier.

Still at the same job. I'm only making more cause I've now been there longer than I was when I was in the church.

Still just about as healthy. Still just about as happy. THe stuff that stressed me out before I left, still stresses me out but that comes in ebbs and flows.

I just feel more honest. However, things with my mom are pretty bad. I did loose a few friends after leaving. So there's a trade off but I think everything kind of evens out.

Soooo much better. Yes I lost some so called "friends" from the ward, but I still have my real friends. I love my wife, have a new home, my kids say I'm happier. I should have done this 40 damn years ago!!!

My whole world view has changed. I changed my thinking and changed my world! That makes my life better on all levels. The stress level went way down. Life is much easier even though I'm much older with some health issues, I have a very content, peaceful inner core now.
I look the same, only older, long retired. I wear similar clothing,(still like my 3/4 length sleeves and jeans), I like the same hobbies and activities.

The difference is:

I released myself from a life of pleasing a deity and savior and any concern about some kind of reward in an after life, living commandments, no doing work for the dead, keeping temple covenants, fulfilling callings, hearing the same things over and over, attending meetings, preparing lessons, managing a budget on 11% plus less income, confining my life to church related events and so on.

One word: free.

I left young and have had an amazing life. But the best part was this: Suddenly no longer holding myself to a false standard. Suddenly no longer holding anyone else to a false standard. I found out I actually liked myself and had all along. I found I liked others for themselves, warts and all. I highly recommend that to everyone. It is a great leavening.

Definitely better:

- Improved marriage - much less fighting
- More time with the kids
- More relaxed
- Choosing my own spiritual path has helped me work out some hang-ups that I'd ignored or just "prayed about" in Mormonism.
- All the study about Mormonism has definitely been an intellectual challenge.
- Got to teach my kids the difference between ersatz Mormon "service" and really doing some good in the world.

And you are right about Mormon reactions. My TBM sister told me that I seemed so much calmer now that I wasn't LDS and then later told me that her husband disapproved of her telling me that because he didn't think she should encourage me. Geez. At least she thought he was being stupid too.

Absolutely. I have peace.

The more I get used to that, the more other people's drama annoys me. I just don't care to be sucked into it, be they friends or family. I lived a life of anxiety from the time I was 12. I deserve to be able to distance myself from situations and people that cause me stress. There are no eternal consequences of it, so I live for happiness in there here and now.

I enjoy my work, I feel respected, I have real friends--not assigned ones, I eat better, I keep some of my health problems in check through yoga and meditation (and no, the devil doesn't see it as his chance to steal my soul). My appearance, my wardrobe, my diet, my choice of reading material, and movies, my underwear, my relationships my charitable giving, and more, are NOT dictated by some old out-of-touch geezers.

When I think back on where I thought I would be and what I thought my life would be like when I was nearing 60, I cringe. Sure, I thought I would have more material things. But I thought all that would come because of a husband, not because I worked for it myself. I would have been trying to endure to the end. And probably hoping the end wasn't all that far away.

And I didn't get out of the cult until I was 46. Those of you who figure it out at a much younger age are so lucky and have the possibility of such a great life ahead of you. It may be hard at times, but trust me, you'll look back at it and know you got a chance at a second life. A real one.

Soooo much better after 25+ years of depressions and lack of self worth and esteem because the church always made me feel inadequate and not worthy enough. My church life existed in a small branch outside of the US that refused to grow and the missionary couples and missionaries from the US who flew in always extolled their wonderful families and 'perfect' lives in Utah and other more populated Mormon areas to us poor converts who just looked at their 'greener grass' of perfect spirituality and homes from the outside in. I am also not judgmental as I used to be while in the church. I feel a more profound and better appreciation and compassion for my fellow man and neighbor rather than showing them my superiority complex because I had the 'truth' of the restored gospel. SMH!

My life is not perfect but I don't care now that I no longer believe it should be perfect.

I'm happier, healthier, more relaxed, and more myself. I can also get along financially now that 10% is funding MY retirement rather than that of the Big 15's.

Thanks everyone for these replies. Your experiences are good to hear.

I have a great relationship with the adult children, too. It annoys him to no end.

In some ways yes. In some ways no. The aspects of my life that have become worse have nothing to do with my leaving, though. This God-awful economy is what's keeping me down. If I could just get a decent paying job. Not even a good paying job, just a a decent one!

15 years post Mormonism/5 yrs post Divorce from TBM

*I have my OWN home. The ONLY debt I have.

*I returned to school and continued my education and have a very satisfying career that keeps growing.

*My health improved greatly! In Mormonism, I had complicated health issues. People tell me I look 10 years younger than I did TEN years ago! I lost about 60 pounds and I actually ENJOY my femininity without fear of being "tempting" to men who would blame me for looking at my body.

* I have had some adventures that I would have never experienced if I remained in Church Inc.

*I am free of constant abuse and servitude to an organization and shallow relationships!

*I can speak freely of my beliefs, without judgement to others and without my ego needing THEIR acceptance of mine. (UBER FREEDOM there!)

*I gained life skills to take care of myself and my children WITHOUT the need of a man to provide, guide, or chastize.
(Very intimidating to any CHURCH INC. diehard male. Its like Priesthood repellant!)

RMM

Since leaving I have had considerably less stress. As a TBM, I followed the instructions of Mormon leaders to "magnify" my callings. I gave it my all--teaching assignments, leadership roles, participation in activities, and etc. It was stressful to keep all of that up.

Since leaving I have had less anxiety. I used to worry about "the last days." Were my family home evenings spiritual enough? Did I read my scriptures enough? Should I pay tithing on gross or net? Am I Celestial Kingdom material? Nothing but worry, worry, worry.

It's all laughable in hindsight. I think the secret to remaining TBM is the ability to slack off on callings and to be blasé about all of the other stuff. You have to be mentally checked out or you'll end up in a stress-out, anxious little knot.

Today, my TBM family is jealous of my financial and career success, my loving marriage to a beautiful never-Mo, my savings and investments, my time for personal hobbies, and etc. Life is wonderful post-Mormonism. Friends, family, and co-workers say that I've never been happier and looked better.

I can't think of one aspect of my current life I would trade for my former TBM life.

I THOUGHT I was better as a TBM. But I didn't know any better.

Now that I know better, I'm MUCH better.

Better on it.