The other night I was reading an article with tips for young professionals in the work place.

After noticing that there were a few pointers I am not currently taking full advantage of, (find opportunities for mentorship, network, etc.) I started crying and imagining everything that could go wrong in my life because I avoid social interaction. It took me a minute to calm down, but when I am alone I do things like this a lot. I react to every percieved criticism like it's the end of my world.

Do you think it's common for ex-mormons to be hypersensitive to feelings of inadequacy?

I am BIC, and left the church at 19.

I think anyone who puts stock in "self-help" magazine articles is at some level of risk for the things you say.

Those things are written on the broadest terms possible, and, if you want to find signs that you are a failure in it, you will.

Just ask yourself, did you read anything you didn't really know before? Probably not. It was just another chance to beat yourself up.

Just avoid those things in the future, and do what you know is right.

Just guessing..but....Ahh.. in general terms, just reading those few words you shared, you are probably overreacting, over-sensitive to criticism. Could be a type of depression also. Might be helpful to see a therapist to figure out what is going on with you that you are not recognizing.
Gosh, it could be your diet! :-)

I don't think it has anything to do with religion as such. Probably something you developed from your childhood.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/21/2014 12:18AM by SusieQ#1.

But I suffer from some of the same problems, and in my case, Mormonism had nothing to do with it. I was raised by mentally ill perfectionists who reacted to the smallest mistake it was something that had permanently reduced my value as a human being. My father will still bring up normal childhood mistakes that I made to "prove" that I am flawed and therefore worthless. He has actually said that he believes the job of a parent is to relentlessly criticize -- not teach, not guide, but simply pounce on mistakes. Yeah, that kind of thing will leave anyone hypersensitive to criticism because you've been taught that your whole value depends on being perfect. Even a minor, gently given criticism leaves you feeling like a failure, because that is was what you were taught! It's not a simple matter of getting over the past, either -- that kind of conditioning physically becomes a part of a developing child's brain. It's like breaking a bone and never having it set properly -- it will grow wrong and you will be stuck with the consequences for life.

Time to cut back on time with dear ole dad.

My parents both got thrown out of my life after 50 years of chances. Enough already. I should have thrown them out when I was 18. Just like they did to me.

+1000! 15 yrs old and thrown out. as an adult have tried reconciling...hasnt worked as i dont know them,they dont know me.. i am too lazy to have shallow relationships and thats all it will ever be because they still wont admit any of the abuse or any culpability.

There is hope though!! I was super sensitive as well due to emotional abuse of the kind that if you arent perfect we wont love you..and it was true...they kicked me out. Anyway, in my 30's i went on an antidepressant, and it changed my life!! I was able to take control,dumped the fiance who was emotionally abusive, silence the rat running around in my head that constantly told me i wasnt ever good enuf.... and voila! i stopped thinking criticism made me bad...i ask for constructive criticism now! oh and therapy once the meds kicked in.

It's much harder to deal with criticism if you look at shortfalls as evidence that you lack fundamental ability, intelligence, or potential for success, (fixed mindset).

Maybe you've grown up with fierce criticism, or even fierce praise. Both can lead to insecurity. The fact that you recognize that you don't want to react this way is a step to learning a different reaction.

If you can start to look at criticisms as clues of things you can work on to improve yourself, then you can use them to grow and change your abilities (growth mindset).

But it's not that easy, right? It requires a new way of looking at your own abilities, and your capacity to change. And that's what the following is about:

http://mindsetonline.com/changeyourmindset/natureofchange/index.html

I've been reading her book, and I've realized how the fear of failure has been holding back.

http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-The-New-Psychology-Success/dp/0345472322/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400652154&sr=8-1&keywords=mindset+the+new

As Mormons we were taught we should be perfect. That's wrong. No one needs to strive for perfection. Enjoy being human sometimes and only work on one or two aspects of your personality which interest you. Laugh about the rest.

I'd suggest you don't read the material that upsets you so much. I know some of the people who write that junk. One lady writes homemaking articles for Family Circle. She never, never, never cleans her house. I'm serious. Twice a year she hires a two or three day cleaning crew to haul out the garbage and scrub up the filth. Then she hires painters, buys new carpet and gives her two giant catered parties, one for Christmas, the other for summer.

She has kids who live in squalor and she doesn't care. The toilets, tubs, and kitchen are continually filthy and she continues to write articles about family, kiddies, and household topics.

My point? Don't take those articles to heart. The people who write them likely aren't as smart or well rounded as you are.

And some of them are not are probably not any more qualified than anybody else.

I have client right now, who people look to as an expert in an certain area that she struggles in. To her credit, she doesn't claim perfection, and she's written about some of those struggles. But I may discontinue working with her because her lack of organization makes more work and frustration for me.

When you read an article, just to try suggestions you think may helpful to you, and don't compare yourself to the author. You have no idea if THEY even use their own suggestions.

Not to live or use the ideas they type and peddle.

Do you want to increase your social interactions? If not then this is just a self- criticism to ignore.

If you DO want to change, maybe your upset is due to not knowing how to change this behavior.

Find some books about this topic, join Toastmasters or make a plan for slow improvement.

Also you may want to research introverts to see if this fits your personality.

Tell yourself every night that you're a good person and that you like/ love yourself. if there is a negative script running thru your head from childhood some positive affirmations about your worth will counteract this feeling. I know because I did this for myself.

Mormonism depends on followers believing they're not good enough. Because if they did feel "worthy" there would be no reason to follow the leaders.

Outside of religion, people in the advice business also depend on people feeling inadequate. Even personal relationships are sometimes built on thinking you need someone to "complete" you.

But chances are, if you worry about being good enough, you're probably okay, because you're somewhat self-aware and have good priorities. It's the people who think they're fabulously perfect who have a problem.

I have so many, at least according to a lot of people around me. It seems my purpose in life is to annoy people and that is the only thing I do well.