Behind the hot water pipe Third John Along Temple Square Ask for a bloke called Phil
Dear member
Had the Society sent out minutes we would have known of the Society's annual meeting in the coffee shop at the Mammon Shopping Centre, Lower Salt Lake. And a special showing of Meet the Mormons (an invitation sent to Dodo Holland for a celebrity invitation. And a signed photograph.) Naturally, we had plenty of copies on hand of that Mormon Classic, and our favourite, The Miracle of Forgiveness.
After a rugby song broke out, Brother Benson gave a fascinating talk on the latest evidences for the Book of Mormon. And offer signed copies of his birth certificate for a bargain $99.99 in aid of the Save the Salt Lake Shopping Fund Offshore Emergency Appeal Fund.
We were eagerly expecting a talk from that leading Mormon Academic, Philosopher intellectual Dodo Holland, but he failed to show. As did the Chairman who propped the bar.
The Society pledges never to send out minutes, never to ask you to give a talk, and never to charge for tickets to our Pyramid Scheme Prospectus follow up workshop.
Members were reminded that any victim of the virulent virus of invective Mormonism may join the Society simply by replying with a number of cypher of your choice.
Members later in the bar passed an unanimous motion to visit the offices of Dodo Holland and demand the keys to the guarded vaults first thing Monday morning. Members imprisoned in the Temple Square Tall and Species Commercial Building were again encouraged anonymously to leak to the Society a copy of the corporation's annual accounts. In the public interest. Or to that Julian 'I'll be out in a minute' recluse if you prefer.
Professor Hawkings, a god to us atheists, sent a belated reply that he would prefer to be terminated at birth rather than attend a symposium with the likes of us. Copies of his books were found to be on sale in the lobby, but Mormons have banned his books from the Shopping Centre on the grounds that no right-minded Mormon or Bible-loving religious member would want to be caught dead reading a book by a sanctimonous know-it-all sex god.
Professor Hawkings, we determined after the most recent and rigorous research, has written extensively in support of that cheeky monkey Charles Dawkins, the inventor of evotluion.
The Society's annual outing this year will by a funded expedition into the badlands of Mormonism in search of that elusive tribe - the Lamanites.
A contaminated with teenage fingers warm clear liquid was distributed to the congregation of sacament trays, followed by an appeciated handful of wonder bread.
Yours in the spirit by the bottle. See you next year. Brother esias from the hotbed of modern Mormon geopraphy theory, Mayan Square, all expenses paid fact-finding mission.